What, you guys expect news this morning? Some can haz Blizzcon, so you figure I’m going to go blah blah blah on news? Patch is due tomorrow, so you think I’m gonna tell you what to respec to?
Nah, maybe later.
For now, here’s a joke that is 100% guaranteed to piss someone off, this close to the US Presidential election!
Is your personality best suited to the Democratic party, the Republican party, or the US Marines? A little uncertain, maybe?
Here is a little test that will help you decide for sure.
Just ask yourself the following question, mentally form your answer, and then match it to see where you best fit in:
Pop quiz, hotshot! (sorry, I liked Speed)
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes barreling around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you!
You are carrying a Glock 23 semi-automatic pistol chambered in .40 S&W, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
What DO you do?
The Democrat’s Answer:
Wait, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does local, state and Federal law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety features built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does that send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 911?
Why is this street so deserted, anyway?
We need to raise taxes, have a ”Paint and Weed” day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
.
.
.
.
The Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
.
.
.
.
The Marine’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
(Sounds of reloading)
Daughter: “Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the 150 grain Cor-Bons or the 155 grain Silvertips?”
Son: “Can I shoot the next one?”
Wife: “You are NOT taking that to the Taxidermist!”
Roflmao!
Not being from the US, I take no offence at the options, but I think I am a republican :p
My thought was instantly
*Shoot him in the head*
Momentarily followed by
*Shoot him in the leg* so that he cant get to you, and you didnt kill him, just defend yourself.
Then I changed my pants after reading the marine answer and knowing someone exactly like that.
-Velk
Guns are for wimps, go bear and bite him to he cries :p
Lol, nice one. I guess I am somewhere in between which makes a bit of sense for a Navvet anyhow.
My first thought was *WTF Glock?* since I don’t care for them, Smith and Wesson FTW. But I digress.
Two to the chest, one to the head.
Gotta conserve ammo in case there are more.
I consider myself left-leaning. Obviously there are many questions as to HOW I got to that situation. However, given the situation you put me in, my answer has to be
BANG.
We can ask all the Democrat’s questions later.
Unfortunately there ain’t no jarhead running
He’s only got a Knife. A simple shot to the kneecap would remove the threat and allow for interregation.
I’m going for the recon unit answer:
BANG-BANG!
(you double-tap your shots but if your opponent is down, no need to empty two magazines on one target. He might have friends ready to jump you after you’re out of ammo).
Being more of a Green Party guy I woulda went more..
BANG (aim right shoulder)
BANG (leg)
At that point he’s either immobilized and/or bleeding out.
Of course I voted for Nader in ’04. My thought was “with a guy who looks like that who is gonna mess with us”.
My response would have been turning off the saftey then shooting…. but I think I like the marine response better :D I laughed so hard at that!
Actually, in this day and age, the Republican (at least the ones leading the party at the moment) answer would be to sacrifice his wife and child (symbolic of the future in this little parable) so that the Republican can get back to the old boys club and light the first of many thousand dollar cigars.
The Democratic answer posted is pretty close to being correct.
OR — the “islamic terrorist” was later found to be a man named Dwayne, born with a speech impediment and admittedly a little slow with dark complexion thanks to parents who immigrated from Spain in the previous generation. He lost his house and job and a little bit of his mind (which he never had a lot of to begin with), and was in fact running around the neighborhood looking for some mythic thanksgiving turkey he couldn’t afford the previous year. No meds or care for the mentally ill! right? In the end, that wasn’t a knife but a squared stick wrapped in aluminum foil he had. Still, good shot and you’re safe now… or are you?
By the way, as an anarchist/libertarian/free-market-lover I’d go for upper leg, then lower arm if necessary. I still think the ‘white Catholic Christian lesbian’ scenario is much more realistic, but the response would be all the same.
Uzada, that’s hilarious!
Omigod, ROFLMAO!
Thanks, that made my morning. Oh wow, I’m still laughing!
“Where’s my turkey!”
hooking and a jabbing
stabbing and a slashing…
If I die in a cold dark alley,
just box me up with turkey and gravy!
Damn right I’m offended! I’m offended that the most obvious answer isn’t part of the “joke.”
Any human with brains would shoot the dude in the leg or shoulder (if he was such a great shot).
At least that’s what I think… but then again I’ma Democrat…
Oh-Rah!!
I know I have a ton of non-Marine readers, so I’ll explain this one a teeny bit.
If you have been trained to shoot for a combat environment, you never ever ‘shoot to wound’. It’s a fiction that springs up a lot in TV and movies, but in point of fact, you are taught, and learn through training, that in a high stress situation, it is in fact incredibly difficult to hit a fast-moving target in low light conditions at all. As such, when your life or the life of another is in danger, you are not only trained to, but are specifically instructed to, aim for center body mass.
The double tap is the preferred way to go, as was mentioned previously, with one to the head to verify that the threat is ended in a combat zone in case other hostiles may be in the area, but I thought the full out unloading into the target said a lot about the Marine belief that “There is no such thing as Overkill”.
Dedicated shooters like Delta Force, Navy Seals and other special units that train for thousands of hours on actual range time for hostage rescue situations are about the only folks I’d trust to shoot to wound and succeed. If you miss, that round just went SOMEWHERE downrange… which is the point of using jacketed hollowpoints rather than ball ammo, since hollowpoints will fragment and remain in the body, and ball ammo will often pass through, endangering the lives of others.
I thought the modern Republican response to any crisis were “cut taxes!”. Is kinda hard ta tell though, since that be the modern Republican response ta good news, too…
Will someone think of the taxes on children?
Rashtag… You need to complete the sentence. Cut taxes AND then borrow the money we need from the chinese”
*BANG*BANG* two shots, center mass, target goes down, quick scan for additional threats. If target doesn’t go down on 2, time to move the point of aim up to the unarmored face/neck.
Two clips? 1 Target? There is Overkill, and there is ‘why didn’t I conserve ammo for additional threats, those things run in packs!’
Glad you explained, or else this almost-army-brat would have to, Bear.
But I lol’d hard, sir. Very hard. Mine was the Marines answer. Though I almost went with the Republican. ;) And if people can’t take a joke about politics, then they’re in need of a reality check.
POLITIKS IS SRS BUSNESS!
(Yes, it’s spelt wrong on purpose.)
Ok I am a democrat, but I my answer is more influenced by my time in the military. I immediately thought, 2 to the chest. Of course being a democrat, I would later feel guilty that I didn’t feel any guilt about shooting first and asking questions later.
Lol! Thanks for making me laugh this morning. I think my response would’ve been the many BANG BANG’s and then some hitting of the mutilated body with my rifle followed by a “Holy Crap I just shot a real gun!”
Wait, shouldn’t the Republican response be:
Wait until the terrorist kills your wife and child before you shoot him, that way you have a plausible reason for waging war on a non-immediate threat so you can try (and fail) to take control of oil resources all while passing on big bucks to your friends in Haliburton?
:)
Actually Azshrin, if you are republican you wait until after your family is dead then:
Step 1. You find out where he is from.
Step 2. Send in troops to kill all of his terrorist cohorts
Step 3. Stop step 2 before you’re finished
Step 4. Open a second front in a country that that is not actually related to step 1
Step 5. Ignore all your advisers who might actually know what they are talking about and proceed with step 4 regardless of cause and with not nearly enough boots on the ground to do the job in the first place…
Step 6. Spend incredible amounts of money beggaring your own economy with no end in sight
Step 6. Spin spin spin
And that’s how you do the republican hokie-pokie
BTW before I am accused of being bleedingheart liberal democrat. I’ve been a registered republican for over 30 years. Ronald Reagan would have had the current crop of Republicans shot.
I get so bored with stereotypes.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what you get when you open up the floor for political commentary.
It starts out amusingly enough, and then descends into crankiness.