Hi! Do you know me?

I’m normally considered to be a Feral Druid fanboy, but I have been known to love my Beast Master Hunter almost as much.

When relaxing and just having fun, sometimes it’s a very close call.

The part about being a Hunter that I enjoy the most, of course, is having my very own pet.

Not a pet that was assigned to me by a dark overlord, a pet that I had no choice about. If some dark master hands me a slave and says, “This is it. You’re stuck with him. Deal.” Well. WELL now.

That ain’t a pet. That’s a servant. A slave. No real joy there. No companionship. No tender memories.

No, a pet is a friend that I am personally, emotionally vested in.

I chose my pet. I wanted my pet beside me through thick and thin.

I sought out my pet, and out of all the other potential pets in all the world, I chose YOU to stand by my side.

And I, of course, named you in my language. I don’t know what your name is in YOUR language, so I hope you don’t mind… but I put care and thought into a name, and I hope you like it. It brings me a smile, every time I think about all the journeys we have shared together over the years.

My friend Moonclaw has been with me for a long, long time.

Moonclaw, the Ghost Saber, is my dear friend. If you see me running around the world, looking for trouble, having fun, and kicking some butt while adventuring, my friend Moonclaw will be by my side.

Forever.

But, sometimes, sometimes you need to make a point.

Sometimes, your best friend, the friend who is your companion and a part of your warmer side, just isn’t appropriate for what needs to be done.

Sometimes there is the friend you have by your side every day, that you count and rely on, and sometimes the job at hand is too dirty, nasty and vicious to involve such a treasured friend.

Take Dirty Harry Callahan, for example.

For years, he kept his .44 magnum revolver by his side. Big, mean, hard, it got the job done, reliably, and with just that extra emphasis that said, “I am totally serious about killing you right now. Nothing personal, but it’s time for you to die so I can pay attention to the next dirtbag scrote. Now stop breathing already.”

But in Sudden Impact, when his good friend was dead, killed after a brutal, bloody beating, and Dirty Harry was truly enraged? Pissed beyond measure and looking to get some very personal, very intense payback?

He laid his old friend aside for a time… and took out the .44 Automag.

He took out a special weapon that said to his foes, “Here is how much I hate you. I want to do more than just inflict justice on you. I intend to make you pay. To make you suffer, screaming in pain and terror, and let the white hot fury of my vengeance tear you apart. And I’m not going to soil my service weapon with this. I am going to use a tool that is so far beyond overkill that it leaves no room for doubt; I intend to see you pay. I intend to see you scream. I intend to see you beg, and then I intend to see you dead.”

Well, your pet is also your very close, personal friend.

And if you are filled with rage and hate, and intend to tear apart your enemies, intent on destroying them with an all consuming fury…

Well, you don’t want to bring your warm, close friend Moonclaw into something like that.

Oh, HELL no.

No, you want a pet that says, “I hate you. I really, really hate you. And this… THIS is what I choose to use to kill you with. My own, special, raging tool of infinite hatred and destruction. THIS is the engine that drives all that is evil and cruel, and which I will use to TEAR YOUR SOUL APART!”

.

..

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my tool of absolute hatred and destruction. My weapon of vengeance.

The dreaded AnnCoulter!

devilann.jpg

That’s right.

You know you are fearing my wrath already.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot to add the punchline that I thought of this morning that made me lol in the first place.

“Don’t make me whip out AnnCoulter.”

‘Scuse me, while I whip this out.

23 Responses to “Hunter pets with a purpose!”
  1. Doodle says:

    HOLY SHIT I JUST SPIT ALL OVER MY WORK KEYBOARD.

    LOLOLOLOL

  2. Eliyen says:

    HAHAHAHA! That’s great. I lol’d (and am still grinning). Would I fear a hunter with a pet named AnnCoulter? You bet I would! (Of course, I’d be so busy laughing that I’d forget to do anything…)

    None of that, however, helps me come up with a name for the white polar bear that my baby hunter chose as a pet. I agree with you, a pet is a companion and trusted friend, and thus, the name is very important. Hence my dilemma.

    Bah.

  3. Petre says:

    OMG so fracking hilarious. My coworkers are right now wondering what is so funny about a dinosaur named AnnCoulter. But they don’t play wow, or follow right-wing attack dogs. Well played 4-B.

  4. Timbr says:

    /cower

  5. Bobhain says:

    LMAO!…watch out for mis-aimed PIES. Dessert meant for AnnCoulter may inadvertantly find you. Great name, it makes me wish I had a BM hunter.

  6. scott says:

    People are supposed to be scared of Ann Coulter?

  7. duniness says:

    Who wouldn’t be afraid of a vicious drooling rabid attack animal with no more intelligence than the common rock.

  8. Graimerin says:

    Epic win Bear epic win…..

  9. Grimmtooth says:

    All the beauty and subtlety of a chainsaw, but without the manners.

    Well played, sir. Well played.

  10. Dru says:

    OMG… AnnCoulter, Right Winged, Right Minded, and AbSoLuTlY Fearless and tenacious, Will Track You Down And Expose your Soft Underbelly. Leftest Monsters Tremble in her presence!~

    Thanks!

  11. eust says:

    ZOMG!
    That is priceless! Wish I would have thought of that name…
    -eust

  12. Mania says:

    I just scared my husband, both lizards, *and* the hedgehog with my outburst of laughter. I hope you’re happy.

  13. rakhman says:

    I can haz devilsaur too. Grats.

  14. thebitterfig says:

    whipping ann coulter? kinky.

  15. zulushaka says:

    ive been reading for a while, but never felt the overpowering urge to leave a comment before. But after seeing AnnCoulter in all her hatred and evil manisfested like that…simply genius.

    And i’ll be sending the bill for the repairs my laptop is gonna need after i spit coffee all over it while reading that post.

  16. Bazz says:

    I had to go Google this…erm.. person.
    All I can say is, Glad I’m over here in the Uk..

    As far as Hunter pets go, I now have a White Devilsaur, a White Core Hound, a White Ghost Sabre and an Orange Gorilladin. Couldn’t Find the white Gorilla after quite a while camping, but I’ll get him eventually.

    However, I also seem to have misplaced some 200 DPS somewhere in the patch. I can see a respec coming on..
    /sigh..
    My healer is pretty happy though… OMG my +heal is down from 1500 to 800… but wait, Renew ticks went from 690 to 900.. WOOT!

  17. bullrush says:

    I see your AnnCoulter and raise you a JamesCarville

    :)

  18. Klinderas says:

    I see your JamesCarville and raise you a BillOReilly.

  19. bigbearbutt says:

    I am BBB, and I approve this message… I mean trend.

    JamesCarville damn near made ME spit out my juice!

  20. Rykros says:

    Damn, and here’s me thinking I was being original calling my Ironhide Nixonsback. Damn 8/

  21. Gunsnbutter says:

    Two things……
    1: I REALLY wish I thought of it first!!!! Well done!
    2: I am SO glad I had already set my tea on my desk when I read this!
    Keep it up B’s

  22. Avaric says:

    I love the post, but I feel the need to point out that Harry Callahan went to the .44 Automag because he got beat up by a bunch of thugs on the boardwalk, and lost his revolver when he got dumped in the water. :)

    Other than that, I know I’d run like hell if I saw your devilsaur coming at me.

  23. Rikaku says:

    omg, hilarious! I love the name too, because that would totally scare me XD

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