Look.
This is me. Your friend.
I won’t steer you wrong.
When you pick up that phone, and you get ready to call someone?
Or when you need to talk to somebody?
Stop.
Stop, and THINK about what you are planning on saying.
Not the phraseology, no. Although getting that polysyllabic shit down right is important, no lie.
No, stop and think about what you are about to say, and try… for the love of God TRY and imagine exactly what message you are about to convey.
Honesty is great. I love honesty. I’m a big fan.
Integrity. Ethics. Woot all the way.
But seriously, sometimes, you can lie by omission. It’s bloody well all right. Nobody really minds.
I’ll share with you an example. See if you can follow along with this.
Say you have a child in kindergarten. This child, by a remarkable stroke of coincidence, is the same age as my son, Alex.
Perhaps the child is even in Alex’s class. I’m not saying she is, I’m not saying she isn’t.
And all the parents have each others phone number from a shared out list the school provided everyone, and shit. So, like, they can call you up out of nowhere for some strange reason known only to the lords and masters of the PTA.
And you, this hypothetical 6 year old girls’ mother, decide to call Alex’s mom late on a Sunday evening.
You are calling to tell Alex’s mom that your darling child is having a birthday on Wednesday of this very week, at a big fancy indoor playplace with inflatable slides and party cake and reserved rooms and the whole nine yards. And your purpose in calling is to invite Alex to this extravaganza.
That’s awesome!
Now, here is the key.
If you are calling so late on Sunday evening because you only invited half of the kindergarten class in the first place, and only at the very last minute decided to go ahead and invite the rest of the class of kids too… because you suddenly realized they would all be talking about it the next day and half the class would feel, rightly, excluded and unloved…
YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ALEX’S MOM THIS ON THE DAMN PHONE!!!!!
It’s okay to lie by omission.
You can just say, “Sorry for calling so late, Claire’s birthday is Wednesday and she’s having a party at this playplace over on Wilshire and 23rd. It’s from 6 to 8 PM. Can Alex come?”
That’s all. No more. It’s cool.
Oh, and for bonus points, when we ask you “Should we bring a gift for Claire? What kind of things is she in to?”, do not say “Oh no, you don’t need to bring a gift. Not at all.”
Not when it turns out you not only told other parents to bring gifts, but actually offered them suggestions for what Claire might like.
And then, at the playplace, have Claire sit on a giant inflatable throne (omigod I am not EVEN lying) while ALL the kids invited to the party sat on their butts in front of her, their hands raised in the air, while Claire picked them one at a time to go to the gift table, grab the gifts they had brung, and take them to Claire to be opened and, OMIGOD I AM STILL NOT KIDDING had one of the attendants of the playplace write down who brought what ON A CLIPBOARD.
Can you even imagine? Can you even IMAGINE the horror a small 5 year old child would feel, if as they all sat there, each child was picked one by one to go bring thier gift to Claire, and you… you were the only child whose cheap ass parents brought NOTHING???
Don’t let Claire’s mom be you.
Seriously. People like me, we have guns. Play these kind of games with the precious feelings of our child, and we may just snap and hunt your ass down in the street.
Just… just stop and THINK, people!
P.S. Oh, oh hell yes, we brought gifts. Even unemployed and saving every dime, we brought gifts. In a very pretty gift bag with a picture of Tinkerbell on it. We may not be interested in fighting this little war of prestige these soccer moms have staked out as their battlefield, but if you want to bring it, we’ll show you fire and manuever, sweet cheeks.
When I was growing up, I always had small parties. I never liked big events, so I would only invite a few people who I felt were my friends. None of this princess BS.
On the note of the Bar Mitzvah (though I know I am behind on it), they’re supposed to be quite big events. It’s literally a boy or girl’s (though the name for the girl’s event is ‘Bat Mitzvah’) coming of age. It’s when they become an adult. So yes…it really is very likely to be a grand event, a huge party. And it should be. :)
I know that my brother’s was pretty lavish, these things require a *lot* of studying of the Torah, and in general, it’s just a big step in a young Jewish kid’s life.
Ops the gun jokes didnt bother me. Seeing people die did. a lot.
We sent invitations for our youngest 5th birthday party via email. I lost my copy but it more or less read:
“Please join (or son) in celebration of his 5th birthday. The party will be held at our house and we rented a moonwalk for the occasion. I will lead the kids in games of Simon Says, Hide and Seek, Tag, and Water Balloon Fights at various time during the afternoon. We also plan to fill up the kiddie pool with jello and drop toys at the bottom if the day is warm enough, so please dress your child accordingly and maybe bring a bathing suit or a second set of clothes if you plan to let him or her participate in this activity.
Drinks and snacks will be available all afternoon and (our son) will cut the cake around 1:30 PM.
We ask you not to show up before noon to give us a chance to set up and to leave no later than 6 PM to give us a chance to clean up.
Be there!”
Kids had a blast and except for a couple of the 3 years olds, all dove at least once in the jello pool.
Is why I have a cat
“if you want to bring it, we’ll show you fire and manuever, sweet cheeks.”
I lol’d. :)
I’m glad I’m old.
Birthday parties when I was a kid were you went to someone’s house, there was cake and ice cream, you gave some crappy gift made in Japan (that’s where all crappy junk came from back then), you played pin the tail on the donkey if it was winter, or ran around and played tag outside if it were summer, and eventually went home to watch a black and white TV playing what your parents wanted to watch, since back then kids were not entitled to anything at all other than three hots and a cot. Honestly? A good preparation for life, vs the “you’re entitled to everything!!” approach too common today.
@BBB – I can respect your reasoning for why you’ve decided to take your kid to the party. But I’m not sure I would. I have no interesting in engaging a tit for tat “I can outspoil my child more than you.” arms race. My victory would be to deny the the opulent mom her supposed “generosity”. I also have no interest in being obligated to fork over money/gift and contribute to the spoiling process.
The best way to beat the game is to not play it.
Your child won’t miss the experience. He’s certainly better off being around people that share your core values and character.
The reason for taking your kid to the spoiled kid’s party is simple. It’s not about the 30M birthday parties they aren’t invited to every year. It’s about the ones that their friends and classmates do or do not attend. To be ONLY kid in a class who didn’t go to a rocking bday party that all the kids will be talking about for the next few days… it would suck to be that kid. Kids don’t need their parents to help them get teased or excluded.