Some folks have asked when I will return to writing turns from the play by email game I do with Manny and James, the turns I was publishing here for a while.

I appreciate the interest, I really do. I posted them here because I enjoyed the writing and the story and thought it was a lot of fun, and wanted to share with those folks interested in role playing games and different ways to continue playing with friends, even across great distances.

The whole point to Play by Email, after all, is to try and find a way to continue playing with your friends when seperated by distance. I started a program like this the first time as a play by snail mail game when I was in the Marines, and a lot of my friends all inevitably changed duty stations or became deployed.

In the era before computers, it sucked a lot more for the obvious reasons; international mail can take forever, and writing all turns out by hand is just a joy.

But these days, really, if you had great fun playing with your friends, and then some move away, some go to college, some return home, or some go overseas and are in the sandbox for extended periods, email seems to be one thing that is made available to everyone at least once in a while. Playing a role playing game by email can be done, and it can be done with some depth.

The reason it hasn’t been happening lately, is simply that ever since the beginning of the entire ‘being laid off’ situation in the early part of this year, I haven’t been in the mood I need to be in to rock the creative writing.

No, this is blog writing, this does not count to me as creative writing. It’s all talking about facts, analysis about what happened, how you feel, what you think about stuff, and all that jazz.

Creative writing is when I use some game mechanics and the player turns to work out the framework of how the current story turn plays out, not much different than plotting story events out in advance… and then I groove on writing it all out as a story.

I have to be in a certain mindset to do that. I have to feel centered, pistons firing, energetic and, at heart, relaxed. Happiness is not necessary, but feeling relaxed and able to let the hamster cage of my mind run free and unrestrained to explore creative ideas is a must.

Since the first of the year when I was laid off, the stress and anxiety really has never gone away. I still feel in my heart that my family is financially near desperation at any time, regardless of how well my current job seems to be going. The continuous economic updates have not helped me to feel that things are stabilizing, not at all. Far from it.

I’m sorry, but I really do feel as though everything is precariously held together by a thin thread, and that just because my company loves my ass is no reason to believe that the company I work for is going to still be around in 5 months, EVEN if the company is financially successful.

There are many successful dealerships around the country that are finding out that just because your sales figures look great doesn’t mean that someone higher up may decide to make cuts, and your neck may go on the block.

There are still SO many people in this country unemployed, and the number is still growing everyday… and the talk has shifted away from the subject, as though it’s become a shameful little secret that we need to ignore in the hopes it will go away. Far better to talk about spending a trillion dollars to revamp health care under federal control, or whatever.

It’s still mothers, fathers, sons and daughters, families that are unemployed.

Now, maybe somebody in political office was unaware of this, living as they do like ticks on the ass of the general public, but when a normal person is unemployed, they don’t get special interest groups and lobbyists and corporations and universities giving them money for public speeches before their audience, or in the hope that they’ll look favorably on someone, or to have their name and influence tied to a board of directors.

No, when normal people are unemployed, that means that money stops coming in. Amazingly enough, bills do not stop at the same time.

Rent still needs to be paid (or mortgages), and when they are not… someone is homeless.

Food still needs to be purchased, and when there is no money, there is no food.

Gas still needs to be bought, car payments made, insurance premiums funded… and when they’re not, making interviews becomes a logistical nightmare, and the options for employment shrink to a geographical area around bus services you can get to.

Thank god for charitable organizations, food banks, shelters, religious outreach programs, and yes, for government assistance and educational programs.

I guess I just wanted to say that, the only reason that I haven’t been writing PBeM turns is that I am not feeling mentally able to do so. I feel like crap, on a short fuse, stressed out and worried all of the time.

It’s not because I don’t want to.

I will chill out again. Enlightenend reason will eventually overcome my hindbrain telling me to hunker down and circle the wagons.

I just wanted to explain where I’m coming from to you folks, because I really did love writing those posts, and Manny and James have been insanely patient with me, waiting for it to resume.

I swear, I just need to push this depressing crap off a cliff. I really do.

It’s just easier said than done.

You’ll know when I’m getting back to normal, it’ll be when the little bullshit stops setting me off on a rant, and a PBeM post gets written.

Until then, it’s time to go hunt down some caffeine.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 19th, 2009 at 8:26 am and is filed under PBeM. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.