I try and write posts that are, for want of a better term, non-sexist.
I am not actually wanting a better term. I’m pretty happy being oblivious about what proper terminology might be for anything politically correct, thanks. You know what I mean though, I think.
In this one case, however, I think I have to present a situation using an example that will mostly resonate with the guys in the audience.
I say mostly, not only.
Why? It’s not because the ladies won’t ‘get it’, it’s simply because the reference will be one that comes from a predominantly ‘guy’ film. If any of the ladies amongst my readers are fans of this movie, well, kick ass. You get 5 Bear points, don’t spend them all in one place.
So here’s the deal.
Every once in a while in a relationship, you’ll run into a situation that seems eminently reasonable to YOU, but that your significant other has some serious issues with. SERIOUS issues with. And it’ll come out of nowhere, blind side you, and leave you making little ‘wha wha wha’ motions with your mouth as your brain tries to grasp this suddenly changed worldview.
In this case, it’s much like the scene from “Kelly’s Heroes“, where the platoon is trying to move behind enemy lines on foot to get to the town where the bank is. The vehicles have already been strafed by one of their own planes, the tanks are making their own way to the town through the german-controlled train yard, and Telly and Clint are leading the men across a peaceful tilled field to get to a built-up road.
Suddenly, as the men are crossing the field, intent on clearing the open area and reaching the berm of the road so as to get out of sight of any watchful german eyes, kaboom! A mine goes off!
That deceptively peaceful, innocent field has been revealed to be concealing deadly land mines. And the platoon is already part of the way in. It’s too late to back out now and try to go around. They’re committed. All there is to do is push on and pray.
I had a conversation with Cassie recently that immediately brought that field to mind.
As long as we’ve been married, Cassie has slept on the left side of the bed, and I’ve slept on the right. It seemed to me that it just kinda ended up that way, there was no actual decision made (that I knew of, anyway) specifying this situation.
In our master bedroom, we have one window, and directly underneath it in the wall is an 8″ x 12″ AC supply vent.
When we bought the house, we set things up so the headboard of the bed was against the window, with room darkening blinds and curtains covering it, and this left the vent to continuously blow under the bed all year long. Let me tell you, in winter, having your bed pre-warmed from beneath is kinda toasty.
Well, we recently had the windows replaced with new ones. The old ones were horrible single-panes in wood frames that were rotting and providing no insulation in winter whatsoever. We did some math, took advantage of the recent energy rebates for new windows (if you have the low-e glass) and got them replaced. Perhaps this year I won’t have to buy that plastic insulation you secure with a hot air blow dryer.
To allow the workers to install the new bedroom window, we had to rearrange the furniture in the bedroom. We moved the bed 90°.
Now, the headboard is up against another wall, and the left side of the bed is on the side of the room closest to the wall vent… and thus, in summer the vent is blowing nice, cold, delicious air on the left side of the bed all night.
mmMMMmm
Ahem. Sorry, had to go wipe the drool up after thinking of that beautiful, tasty AC.
At any rate, I think you begin to see the picture.
Ever since, I’ve been waking up in the morning after having had a bad night’s sleep, hot and sweaty and tired.
I finally, finally looked at the thermostat before bed (I have been trained by Cassie not to look at the thermostat, so it took me a few weeks to think of it) and thought, “Hey, I’ll just set it a few degrees lower. I’ll put it all the way down to 76 F”.
The next morning, I woke up feeling delightful. No icky sweat, just a wonderful night’s sleep.
Cassie woke up and began to berate me for freezing her to death, checked the thermostat, and accused me of setting it at 74 F.
I don’t personally care where the heck it was set, (it was 76), it felt great.
She informed me that the damn AC vent is blowing right on her all night, and it freezes her to death. Henceforth, we shall leave our big bear paws off the damn thermostat, and deal with the temperature, if we know what’s good for us.
I DO know what’s good for me, but I have a very reasonable, simple, almost obvious compromise.
How about we switch what side of the bed we sleep on?
I’ll take the left side next to the vent, and she can be on the side furthest away, and we’ll both be delighted.
KABOOM!!!!
Apparently, one does not ever suggest that one switches what side of the bed one sleeps on.
And once in the minefield, it’s just too damn late, man.
Right now, the platoon is frozen in place, remaining still. Waiting for the all clear.
What I’m afraid of, is the next step. The germans will come walking down that road, and the thermostat wars will begin.
I’m thinking, if I get in the walls, I can redirect the duct to the other side of the room. First, I gotta cut an access hole into the attic, then I gotta get some ductwork, and then I can cut a hole… we can do this. It’s totally doable.
What, bring the bed thing up again? Are you freaking CRAZY!?!
I, too, usually freeze while my husband complains of being too hot; we don’t even have air conditioning, though, and just have a vent fan drawing in air through the windows. So there’s no thermostat to war over :) Instead, it’s just a struggle over the number of blankets on the bed, and not having them all get pulled/pushed/thrown off of me in the middle of the night! …grr ;)
or you could, since the windows are finished being replaced, rearrange the room again. Put the bed back where everyone was happy?
Why don’t you just rotate the bed back 90 degrees if the window work is now finished?
.-= Bo´s last blog ..Watch this space! =-.
Seems to me that reverting to original room arrangement would be the optimal solution, if switching sides of the bed is not an option.
Although switching sides does seem like the most obvious solution to me. Although that may involve switching nightstands (or contents of nightstands) and other furniture?
We got one of those bed warmer things you put under the bottom sheets… ours has individual power and temp controls for each side… and I just never plugged my side in :) So if electricity isn’t a major concern, she can keep her side as warm as she wants in any temperature. But really, not being willing to switch sides in this situation is a little… off.
Hey, I ain’t looking for solutions here! Last I heard, we liked the new arrangement because it is a more effective use of space… ie, there is a larger area at one end to pile stuff up. Moving things back might seem to be an obvious solution, but the new way really does open the room up a lot more.
Good luck brother bear!
You cannot switch sides of the bed! There is far to much effort in doing so, for example my husband sleeps on the right side i get the left. At night I roll on my right side so im not facing him ( he snores!) If I was to switch sides I would have to be facing the closet when I sleep. unthinkable! so switching sides Is impossible in our case and I’m sure your wife has an equally important reason not to.
My hubby and I arent iron=clad on sides of the bed, I just prefer the side closer to the bathroom, whichever it is… Currently that places me on the right side and him on the left. he’s closer to the windows, but we both seem to live with that just fine. If temp became an issue and switching was the obvious answer like it seems to be for this problem, I’d do it in an instant. It would take a little getting used to, but we’d do fine. :)
Sorry, Bear, it’s not a female thing, its just one of those things Cassie in particular is firm about. :) When my hubby and I find these places on each other, we tend to respect them, too. :) Obviously, we havent heard from Cassie, so we dont know why she feels so firmly about this, but you are both reasonable people, I think you’ll figure out something. :)
I don’t think it’s possible to switch which side of the bed you sleep on. You’d be fighting all the laws of gravity, relativity, chaos, thermodynamics, etc. It cannot be done.
If you’re not going to turn the bed around, you can do what my husband and I do: multiple sheets/blankets. We found out that each of us have our own sheets and blankets makes for a much happier night’s sleep for both of us. I can have my multple blankets and comforters, he can have his sheet and light blanket. Sure, the bed looks silly when it’s made, but it keep us sleeping happy and our marriage happy.
You should go all kinds of wonky… and turn the bed around so the head of the bed is where the foot of the bed is now. Then she can have the right side, but it’s on the opposite side :D. And… totally kinda freaky to wake up to. O.o Okay, so it’s a bad idea. So all I can say is… when you go into the walls to redirect the venting, if she gets upset with you for making a total disaster/mess/whatever, you’re not allowed to say, “Well none of this would be going on if you’d have let us switch sides.” That’s nuke material, not just landmines.
But, on the sides of the beds thing… some people get really comfy with sleeping one way and swapping sides of the bed would be really trippy. And I imagine you’ve been sleeping on your respective sides of the bed for quite some time. She probably has the perfect Cassie-sized dent going on and it’s just right. She wouldn’t wanna be swallowed up by a giant bear butt dent.
Rotate the bed 180, now the right side faces the vent and you can have blissful cold air. Too bad in winter you’ll probably have to rotate it back again.
I can understand not switching sides. While I can certainly relate with the situation as a whole, I know I prefer to sleep on my left side (dunno why) and I dislike sleeping facing someone else (who wants someone breathing in their face while they sleep?)
My lady doesn’t care which side she sleeps on (so long as she takes her infinitely more comfortable pillows with her), but I just can’t sleep on the right side of the bed. Everything is just… wrong.
Comfortable sleeping arrangements, though, that are equitable to both parties are very important to a happy marriage imho. You (ideally) spend a lot of time in bed together, and if you take the typical guy road – that is, everything how she wants it and just deal with it – then sleep poorly, you end up getting grumpy over time due to lack of sleep, which leads to random disembowelment in the future. Of course, if you tell her to just deal with it, you’ll end up getting randomly disemboweled a lot quicker.
So, yeah, a situation that works best for both people is really necessary :)
* I’m just playing around! ~glances about and hides~
Left and Right?
I’m confused…
I’m on the bottom and my wife is on top.
Ehh, just live up to your name and sleep that way…infinitely cooler.
I’m always on the left and wife is on the right. Every time she leaves for a trip i sleep on her side. I think after a awhile the matress gets compressed so that one side ‘feels right’. ANyway the bed issue is pretty critical; i have to be the one next to the weasels litter box (they are my weasels not hers). So that’s the main reason. In our old place i slept on the right.
As if I needed a reminder,
Single
and loving it.
I’m verrrrrrrrrrrry picky about what side of the bed I sleep on. Very picky. In fact, I don’t think I could even fall asleep on the other side of the bed. Side closest to the wall and furthest from the door.
.-= Naissa´s last blog ..Testing out new Lily Pads. =-.
I love the analogy, Kelly’s Hero’s is one of my all time favorites “Always with the negative waves, Moriarity.”
I got the feeling from reading the blog (and it was confirmed in the comments) that this is a Mars/Venus thing. To guys, the solution to the problem is simple – switch sides or move the bed back. To women, they just….don’t? I dunno, as a guy, I can’t see what the problem is, but I’m sure the gals out there are snapping their fingers and giving that look.
.-= Nosecrusher´s last blog ..Healing the Plague Quarter =-.
Separate, twin-duvets FTW.
Weird, I just got done reading this article that was linked on Yahoo’s front page about WHY men and women disagree about AC settings and now this…creepy….
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/01/AR2009080101839.html?g=0
Great discussions… but I think everyone has missed the obvious… 76 degrees is too cold??? We keep our bear cave at a blissful 72 degrees all year round! 76?? unthinkable!
Why not use a floor fan? You can set it up next to your side of the bed, and if you have it approximately level with or lower than the height of the mattress you should be able to enjoy the cooling breeze while shielding Cassie from the uncomfortable cold.
It’s a win-win-win situation! Cassie gets to be nice and toasty on her side of the bed while you get to chill on yours, plus since floor fans generally use less electricity than AC units, the two of you get to save some extra money on cooling bills to buy more games for Alex. ;)
Steevee is right… 76 is pretty warm. I’d be pretty miserable at 76 unless I had a fan blowing on me keeping me cool. Hey maybe you could do that… put a fan at the foot of the bed or on your side that blows over you. It will make the room feel a good few degrees cooler and if it is quiet, hopefully it should not bother Cassie much.
My wife and I continually try to sneak in our preferences on the thermostat and end up averaging about 72. I’d like it even cooler, but she’s more uncomfortable in the cold than I am at 74 so she wins more often. :-)
There may be more than just he-said/she-said factors in temperature, btw. My husband and I tend to keep it about 76 during the day (when we’re home) and 78 at night. 72 would feel very nice, but we live in Florida and that would make our A/C bills even more outrageously expensive than they are now. It is 72 during what passes for winter here, though.
Range-programmable thermostats FTW :)
Always with the negative waves Moriarty, always with the negative waves.
I’m so glad my lady likes a cooler room too – we’re both of the opinion that a cool room is better: You can always have another blanket, but once it gets too warm, people (well, me) get sweaty. Noone likes sleeping with a 6’4″, 270lb sweaty gu… err, people.
Ice. In your pants.
Two words – no pyjamas :)
Works for me and mine; she wears thick, heavy pj’s (with thermals in winter) and electric blanket, I go commando and usually sweat.
(this may not be a viable option with kids in the house tho…)
I always know what side of the bed I sleep on – whichever side Pie doesn’t want depending on where we might be staying, the tides, the alignment of the stars, the proximity to the window/bathroom/door/whatever and any other arbitrary criteria that might be applied to the situation. I gotta talk to Cassie about this minefield thing – she can give me some pointerses.
Overhead fan may help to move the cold air equally about the room. Blowing up.
Otherwise, the simple rule is : make it colder and the person who likes it warmer wear more. Since the person who likes it warmer can always put more covers on, but the person who likes it colder can’t take off their skin. Thats the only fair way to deal with it.
But an overhead fan might be easier to suggest than that. ;)
If you put your head where your feet are, and your feet where your head is, then you would be closer to the vent too, right?
I have to sleep on my left side, by the edge. I’m just weird like that. So it would be a minefield with me to switch sides too. :)
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