When I talk about something on the blog, I do try and pick out those things that are entertaining moments, weird moments, or teachable moments.

There has to be a point to it, even if it was just “Well, it made ME laugh.”

Something that happened that was a fun story, something that happened that was out of the ordinary, something that happened that called to mind a topic of discussion many of us might learn from… if only to know what not to do.

And in thinking of blog posts as a teachable moment, thinking about what not to do and how to present it… my mind, inevitably, turned to evil.

A new reality TV show… “How Not to Tank”, with your host, BBB.

Yes, thats right, I felt struck with inspiration for a horrifying series of Youtube videos.

I could join a random pug, and then intentionally do something that tanks should never do, narrate it, and film the entire sequence… including the reactions of the unsuspecting party.

“Today, the Big Bear Butt will demonstrate what happens when a Bear tank tries to free himself from movement impairing effects during the 10 waves of trash in Heroic Halls of Reflection, by shifting out of and back into Bear form. Repeatedly. What will happen, and how will our unsuspecting party react? Let’s find out!”

Seriously, can you imagine how terrible that would be? To be on a run with unsuspecting, innocent folks and intentionally do stuff wrong or stupid, just to film their candid-camera type reactions and then post it?

I have achieved a new, galactic level style of asshattedness.

Even worse… the temptation to actually DO this, if only once, is strong. Now I know what is really meant by “Tempted by the power of the dark side.”

How has this concept not shown up as a regular reality show or on the internet yet?

Stay tuned next week, when our undercover main tank healer goes on strike with loud drama over Legendary item loot priorities right as the main tank pulls the last boss of a heroic Ulduar 25 run, and how the guild leadership reacts after the epic wipe, here, on “Wipe That Raid!”

I’m a sick, sick bear.

41 Responses to “Epic Evil”
  1. Travis says:

    Better yet – liberal use of War Stomp, or self-healing.

    If you want to get really absurd, throw in a Cyclone “for group aggro”.

  2. Kayeri says:

    You are indeed, a sick, sick bear…

    ::laughing my hind end off::

  3. Maclean says:

    sick, sick bear…

    ::wanders off wondering where the news value is with that statement…::

    of course… I’m a pally tank so I don’t get to have that sort of fun. The best I can do is put on enough of my tank gear to make 538 def (enough for heroics) and then tank in my ret spec… Imitation DK tanking! OK… so it’s not nearly as fun an idea… oh well…

  4. Windsoar says:

    Nonetheless you made my day :) Thanks from a home-bound resto shaman pissed that her riptide isn’t working ::shakes a totem::
    .-= Windsoar´s last blog ..Community Just Got a Whole Lot Bigger =-.

  5. Brian says:

    I’m hoping that some of the tanks I’ve run with leveling my priest were doing this. At least then there would be *some* explanation other than idiocy.

  6. Klinger says:

    You are TOTALLY going to need a language filter if you post the transcripts of /p chat. WOW players are not known for being:

    1) great spellers
    2) using clean language
    3) being PUG friendly with terribad players *shudder*

    ….with that stated

    DO EET!

    If you don’t, I will! Warrior using Charge and Intercept and Intervene EVERY TIME IT’S ON COOLDOWN TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD! RAWR!

  7. Sarabian says:

    Wow, you are sick.

    I like it.

  8. Minos says:

    In case anyone was wondering about the right way to remove snares while in bear form, you can make a macro to re-cast bear form without leaving it, clearing the movement impairing effects without leaving you vulnerable.

    /cast !Dire Bear Form

    It does reset your rage, though.

    This is old news, like 2 years ago, but I still get excited about how simple it is when I remember the old complicated macros for shifting out, drinking a potion, praying for favorable latency, and shifting back.

  9. Phaedra says:

    Hehehe…in the WoW general forums, there was a post entitled “Whose Line is it Anyway?”, with the intent to mess with people in LFD. Pretty much, people would follow the suggestion of the post above theirs and leave a suggestion. For example, one suggestion was to roleplay like a pirate the entire run. Or to claim that, as a tank in tank gear, you’re the healer.

    Every now and then, a random post in the Tanking or realm or R&D forums pops up, complaining about someone being…weird…and it makes me wonder.

  10. Skoofti says:

    I did this accidentally the other night while learning to tank on my druid. You know the first boss fight in AN where you have to wait for Hadronox? I joined after a wipe and the encounter didn’t want to reset, we waited what seemed like 10 minutes before I said to hell with it and charged down to start tanking Hadronox. 50 adds showed up, it was not pretty, we wiped. The player who had been complaining the loudest about waiting and urging me to “go, go, go” was the first to scream “F&%^ING DOUCHE” and drop group when I pulled. /laughcry

  11. KJP says:

    My episode idea: after six wipes on Putricide, reveal that you’ve been in cat spec the whole time.

    Oh wait. That actually happened last night in our guild run.

  12. Travis says:

    Er, I mean Hurricane for “group aggro”, not Cyclone. Always screw those up – and I even linked the damn wowwiki page too. *shame*

  13. Maebius says:

    I must admit, I would quite readily watch such carnage unfold.
    Then again, I enjoy when people do things silly, if only for the good stories. I’m blessed with rare “Pugs are fun” genes, so even horribad wipes due to other people, are simply learning experiences for “How to Salvage this crap” moments. :)
    DOO EEET!!!!

  14. Jayle says:

    Oh please do!

    What I would like to see is how patient people are willing to be, or if members of the party become wonderful masters of survivability. All those spells or abilities that people only use when things go terribly wrong would intantly become important again. As a mage, Ice Block, Sheep and Invisibility would be needed again. How exciting!

  15. Saniel says:

    I’ve been doing that on Keri in Nexus since even before I vastly outgeared the encounter. I was fortunate to never die from it, but it definitely gave my healer a heart attack once or twice.

    I’ve done it on Hodir once or twice, too, when I thought I could get away with it. Fun times.
    .-= Saniel´s last blog ..More on the Mangle Change =-.

  16. bigbearbutt says:

    Hey now, Roguewind… that’s not funny!

    Hair color is srs bsnsss!

    To tell the truth, I don’t act far off from that, though.

    Lets see, not too long ago I tanked a regular Halls of Stone for Ely’s 78 toon, and when we got to the Brann escort intentionally started bear butt bouncing while tanking, hopping left, right, forward, back, all over the place, /dancing between waves, everything.

    All because the only melee in the group was Grim, Ey’s son.

    I announced I was trying to see if i could get him to truly hate me.

    Then, when the Brann segment was done, I popped kitty and sprinted like hell for the final boss, so I could, as I put it, “pad my DPS on the meters”.

    Ely and Grim laughed, but god only knows what two strangers were thinking.

  17. Kattrinsaa says:

    The sadism implied by even thinking about it.. just amazes me.
    it’s almost as bad as spiking the arrow market by buying a stack and splitting it, selling back smaller stacks at the same price as the full stack.
    8g for one arrow?? WTF?
    .-= Kattrinsaa´s last blog ..Points to ponder =-.

  18. Stonedrake says:

    DOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

    For Great Justice!

    Seriously, I’d sit there and watch it just so I’d know what NOT to do when I start tanking. (of course, I’ll start in Normal dungeons, in Heroic IC 5man gear, but that doesn’t matter).

  19. Dechion says:

    If you run it i’ll come heal it.

    Sounds like fun =)
    .-= Dechion´s last blog ..Nine things I would like to see in Cataclysm =-.

  20. Bigfncow says:

    It would be somewhat palatable if you announced “PUNK’D” (BEAR’D?) after the wipe and then offer to do something to make up for it – pass on all the loot or … something else allowable across servers.
    .-= Bigfncow´s last blog ..brdbrdbrdbrdbrd =-.

  21. Stupid Mage says:

    I would totally watch that.

  22. Stupid Mage says:

    How do I change my avatar? I look pissed off all the time.

  23. Bear Pelt says:

    *smiles*

    I’ve got one!!!

    Use Direbrew’s Remote in the middle of the adds phase during the Razorscale encounter; preferrably 25man version :D

  24. nugget says:

    IIRC you used to be able to use a macro to do exactly that – shift in and out of bear form so fast that it never registered (to your party members) that you had left it.

    …was also useful for quaffing pots before bears could pot in baar.

    <.< And also very funny for telling the party (or the raid lol!) what you did later…

    And what's wrong with starting pulls on melee mobs with moonfire and/or wrath (or wrath, then MF) and shifting fast? :( That used to be a staple of my pulling tactics. (Together with hurricane for pulling packs.)

    Maybe it mattered more back then (over 2 years ago), but I really liked the initial (even if puny) bit of threat generated from that. Especially nice was arranging with your mage (if you had a brainy one), to not sheep until AFTER the wrath had hit. Now, that one I don't know how much effect it had on aggro while being sheepy but… It never hurt.

    Why the hate for MF/wrath pulls? And hurricane pull was something I missed SO MUCH as a warrior.

    (Again, all this info is 1.5 years out of date.)

  25. Spawnofmoose says:

    YOU FACE NOT MALCHEZZAR ALONE BUT THE LEGIONS I…… are you not wearing a chest piece??

    Ya, I did a few things during TBC that made people either curse, laugh or go wtf!?

    Boomkin tanking for one… I think i should try it again in HHoR >.>
    Tanking Prince without a chest piece, healers- “WHY ARE YOU DYING SO FAST!?!?!”
    Shifting out of bear form at 25% for Magtharidon leaving the rogue to tank. “Rogue tank LOLOLOL”
    and by far the most fun thing to do that will leave your group speechless.
    Roulette shifting.
    basically I bound all my shapeshifts into a macro and just pressed it when i had oodles of aggro. bear, cat, caster, bear, cat, caster, etc

  26. SliderDaFeral says:

    We cannot forget those classics of pally/DK tanking: tanking without Righteous Fury or Frost Presence up.

    Since I have my DK both DPS and tank, I used to cause more ragequits (all unintentional, mind you) when I’d swap specs and forget to pull up my frost presence.

  27. Malphailuron says:

    Shadowmeld when the raid boss is at 5% or so for great laughs.

    Tank in tree spec. When you get low, shift to Tree and try to heal yourself.

    Macro /sit to all of your attacks. When the healer mentions all the crits you’re taking, call him a noob for not understanding that bears don’t need Defense.

    Give a long speech before each boss, commending the bravery of your comrades and assuring them that they’ll be remembered should they fall. But you’ve got dibs on their stuff.

  28. Sphinxy says:

    How about a new reality program along the lines of wife swap called ‘role swap:

    In Role swap today we have a Bear tank that decides he is going to try and attempt to heal a group through Utgarde Pinnacle while his Tree friend tanks a group through Nexus. Watch as the two parties tackle the stresses and strains of each other’s lives only to be told by their pally partners they are feeble and weak

  29. Daxlim says:

    I can’t wait for those video’s, I’m lauging at the though alone here! “Look, here the tank charges the next group of enemies, then continues and runs of the cliff. There are certain downsides to this tac… blablabla” :P
    .-= Daxlim´s last blog ..Totem Envy =-.

  30. Tufva says:

    Evil genious. :-D
    .-= Tufva´s last blog ..Buff, Nerf – what is difference? =-.

  31. Tex says:

    This is a fantastic idea. I would vote for running in Bear gear/Tree spec and vice versa at first just to see if they notice. Especially, if you queue up as a tank for a specific instance, like Normal HoR where you KNOW people are there for gear and have been praying for a group for hours. Good humor would be found in watching people that would rather you suck than leave. Especially when their loot drops. Will they go off on the Failtank or be so relieved to get the cloak or whatever that they politely say “ty for group” and bail?

  32. Tex says:

    Random thoughts after my last post –
    Challenging roar on the bridge in FoS then Bear Butt Boogie your ass off of the bridge backwards
    Actually try to tank the Lich King during the gauntlet in HoR
    Do the gauntlet in HoS in the middle of the room or right next to Brann
    Go into caster form on the last boss in Old Kingdom during “insanity” while you are phased and they can’t see you. Die and blame the healer.
    Pretend to still be frozen on the last boss in UP
    Take Maul, Growl and FFF off of your bars for a boss or two and never let lacerate get more than 1 stack so you don’t “clip the dots”
    Spec into Nurturing Instinct and use it as much as possible – link healing meters to show how well it works
    Use SI on single target trash pulls so that it is always on cd for bosses – macro something to let the group know every time you use it
    Go OOM by hotting everyone up in between waves in HoR so that you can’t shift into bear form – ask for a mana potion after the wipe so it won’t happen again
    Use a healing potion right at the pull so that you can’t use the mana potion and wipe again from hotting everyone up
    Use a spellpower elixir and claim that it buffs Improved LotP if anyone asks
    Download “Elitist Group” the addon just to see what the comments are about you
    Always type in the third person, using a nickname for yourself like “Windy”
    Take the blame constantly, apologize and explain your mistakes so you can sucker decent people into staying for the whole run

  33. Suxxy says:

    @ Travis:
    I kid you not, it’s been done. I was tanking the 3rd (at the time the last) fire boss in VoA25 pug when the OT bear switches out of form to self-heal, not one healer dead, not even a dps dead at the time. I thought it was a glitch in my video, he didn’t die from it at first, then he did it again & became a blood splatter pattern on the floor. We wiped and I went to recount to check the healing for the fight… sure enough, he’d cast 2 regrowths on himself.
    It was at the time, and remains to this day, the most “WTF!!!???” moment in WoW for me.

  34. bigbearbutt says:

    I don’t know what’s worse, that I had the idea, or that so many of you were able to come up with episode plots so readily.

    Damn, so I’m evil, and I attract evil readers.

    Hmm, that’s actually a legacy to be proud of.

  35. bigbearbutt says:

    Oh, and while there were many suggestions I like a lot… Tex, you are seriously an evil, depraved genius. Not just one, or two, or three great suggestions, but an entire string of brilliant ideas.

    If I were to do something like this, even if I were to do it with a group “in the know” that pretended they weren’t like the Leroy Jenkins crew, I’d use many of your ideas. I can see how they would end, and it makes me smile. And wince.

    I’ll add one more though…

    Normal Bear talent spec, in all healer spellpower gear… and when I get called on it, announce “I’m geared for enhanced Thorn spec for group AoE”

  36. Tank the entire instance backwards with your butt facing the mobs and just using swipe to keep aggro. When someone asks why… tell them it hurts more getting hit in the face than the butt.

    Shift into cat form and prowl past a pack of mobs and then switch into bear and start tanking the group after that… after you or the group dies ask why no one else skipped the mobs.

    Mark and pull every single mob in the entire instance even if you have to go out of your way to do so. Bonus points if this is Old Kingdom.

    Start the instance by yelling out “First one to the end of the hall wins!” and proceed to run through as many packs as you can without doing anything to aggro… just keep running till you die. Make sure you brag about winning the race.

    Ask for wisdom from pallies instead of kings or might… or just insist on classes that can’t buff to give you buffs. “comeon rogue where is my fort buff???”

    Do the entire instance with walk turned on. Tell them it is so you don’t get tired for boss fights.

  37. Astemus says:

    http://www.wowhead.com/?talent#0ZxhGscbzbcZfVcubuxduV0R:zkdzM0

    There is a bear/tree spec that I am totally going to try. It goes into feral enough to get the crit immunity (gotta stay alive long enough to see the fun) and then goes deep into resto for tree of life and also 2/3 improved tree form, for the added armor in tree form. Nurturing instincts is there to add the umph to your heals. I suggest cat accessories for this but maintain your bear armor pieces (aka cloak/rings/neck/trinkets with agility or crit, since the tanking ones won’t increase your healing at all).

  38. Herr Drache says:

    Please don’t forget – when you do the “imp. thorns” specs (or other evil combinations), PLEASE make sure that you’re using whatever high iLevel gear you have. I mean, if you have a GS of 5000+ for heroics, you have to be 1337 and know what you’re doing, so everyone else is *obviously* phail.

  39. bigbearbutt says:

    Oooh, Herr Drache, great point!

    Wouldn’t I have to have a gearscore addon for that, though?

    I kid, I kid… I know what they are, I just don’t have anything to do with them.

  40. thebitterfig says:

    to that end, i have a guildie who has at times said to a group “don’t be alarmed if i drop out of bear form in the middle of a fight, it’s completely natural.” she was working with new keybinds on her shapeshifting, and didn’t want to freak people out too much if she misclicked.

  41. Weatherlight - Runetotem EU says:

    I’m not “generally” evil… But I do have a story of that kind.

    On my druid tanking EoE at the I had the push-to-talk key binded to Shift, What I was unaware is that trying to talk and mangle at the same time would end up popping the Right Action Bar on my keybinds resulting in not one but TWO timely Hearstones ensued by natural wipes. Sufices to say I switched to Voice-Activation from them on and severely cut back on the cursing…

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