I’m looking for YOUR suggestions!

On what?

Oh yeah, so excited I forgot to tell you.

I’m making something funny. And I suddenly realized… why have all the fun on my own, when I can make it a community project?

What I started doing is making a bingo card.

“BBB’s Bad Tank Bingo”.

That’s right, you already know where I’m going with this.

A bingo card with spaces describing the classic warning signs that this pug is being run by a BAD TANK.

Now, hold your horses. Don’t get all fired up just yet.

That idea alone would be enough content for MOST blogs, but this here is the Big Bear Butt. There’s more.

What I’d like fer you folks to do, is go ahead and hit me with your favorite indicator that you’ve got a bad tank.

But I want you to put it in a special format.

No, not PDF or Xcel or any of that crap.

No, I want you to give me your best Jeff Foxworthy impression.

“If you spend more time talking about being a leet raider on your alt then you do holding aggro… then you MIGHT be a Bad Tank”

That’s right, ladies and gentlebears, I want you to hit me with your best one liner, and not only will I pull my favorites to make the bingo card, but you’ll get to have fun reading the funny in the comments that YOU come up with.

Now, let’s take a moment to pretend there is a high minded purpose behind this, instead of mocking people who suck as tanks.

[ahem]

“This project is being started in the hopes that, by using humor to highlight the most common behaviors displayed by tanks with little skill or experience, we will help to educate players about what to watch out for before they get started.”

Nope, we’re not making fun of sucky tanks in any way. Nope. Nosireebillyjoebob. Totally trying to be helpful here.

Ayup.

C’mon! Hit me with your favorites! And don’t spare the sarcasm, bitterness or misery! They made you run in that group and deal with it… now vent!

99 Responses to “Request for Reader Input”
  1. Dothraki says:

    If you tank with your fishing rod equipped, you might be a bad tank

  2. Baerli says:

    If you’re a druid and only have resto talents, but queue as tank, you might be a bad tank.

    No joking, happened to me on my lvl21 hunter. Tank (druid lvl 30) couldn’t hold anything in bear, then switched to cat, then in caster form. Rogue and I ended up tanking most of it.

  3. Rauxis says:

    @Bacon … or have FFF on F11, and Shadowmeld on F12

    *runs and hides in shame*

    P.S.: we still made it through the group without anyone getting seriously hurt :)

  4. Berry says:

    If I pull healing aggro and die… you might be a bad tank!

  5. Grorg says:

    If you forget to change presence/stance/RF after a spec switch, you might be a bad tank.

    I haven’t done it since I made that mistake in ToC a couple months ago. Switched to dps spec for faction champs, and ended up doing Twin Valkyrs and Anub without a presence on. I must have been doing something right though, because we downed the twins anyway. It’s hard to MT Anub without it though.

  6. Delerius says:

    If you are a tank and you don’t know what the words “threat” “aggro” and “taunt” mean, you might be a bad tank.

  7. Veeka The Tree says:

    You are a bad tank if you have no balls to make the pull.

  8. Siobhann says:

    If you’re a warrior or paladin and you’re not carrying a shield… you might be a bad tank.

    If you don’t know about Righteous Fury… you might be a bad tank. (Yep, level 50 pally. RF is trained at lvl 16.)

    If your healer is tanking more mobs than you are… you might be a bad tank.

    If you’re crit… you might be a bad tank.

    If you wonder what that empty blue bar is below your healer’s health bar is… you might be a bad tank.

    If you give your healer blessing of might… you might be a bad tank.

  9. Jacemcfly says:

    If your a tank and don’t know you are a tank you might be a bad tank

  10. Holly says:

    If you’ve already pulled the first pack before the healer zones in, you may be a bad tank.
    If you’ve never heard of the word ‘macro’, you may be a bad tank.
    If you think ‘defense cap’ means you have a helmet on, you may be a bad tank.
    If you only have 3 buttons on your action bar, you may be a bad tank.
    If you find the party stays far enough back that you die, and they laugh when you ask for a ress……you may be a bad tank.
    If you’re 2 rooms away by the time the rest of the group is done buffing….you may be a bad tank.

    and lastly if you make a WoW blog about tanking where your title talks about how massive your hiney is you may…..wait, hold that one.

  11. Paona says:

    If you die with all of your survival cooldowns intact… you might be a bad tank.

    If you’re specced into Vigilance, but don’t use it… you might be a bad tank.

    If you think tanking is just “DPS-ing the enemy from the front”… you might be a bad tank.

    If you think Spellpower is your best stat… you might be a bad tank.

  12. Kevin says:

    If you show up in LFD with res sickness, you might be a bad tank.
    If you don’t notice you have res sickness and start pulling, you might be a REALLY bad tank.
    If you have res sickness, pull, and on top of that fail to notice the healer is dead, you might be the WORST. TANK. EVER.

    True story, believe it or not.

  13. Cyrus says:

    If you go down faster than a hunter on prom night, you might be a bad tank.

  14. Rob says:

    If you’re an Unholy DPS DK who thinks he can tank just by putting up Frost Presence…you might be a bad tank.

  15. Ailea says:

    If you wear your santa outfit while tanking ICC, you may be a bad tank.

    If you constantly get whispers from your healer’s addon saying you are always out of line of sight or out of range, you may be a bad tank.

    If you’re a druid tank and don’t have any points in Survival of the Fittest, you may be a bad tank. (Or at least not a self-respecting one :P )

  16. Ailea says:

    If you have to wipe before you realize your healer has asked 5 times to stop for mana, you MIGHT be a bad tank :P

  17. Tesh says:

    If you keep reminding the group that you’re a great tank… then you MIGHT be a bad tank.

  18. Imanoob says:

    If your druid healer looks like an uprooted hurricane victim you may be a bad tank.

    If you ask what that cool ground effect under you is… You may be bad tank.

    If the DK tank flys past in unholy pesence just as the healer shows DCed you MAY BE in for another long que.

  19. bigbearbutt says:

    Cyrus, that was mean.

    [Which is BBB household code for "you're being too brutally honest"]

    If you’re planning on adding to the list, please get it in today, I’ve already collected your comments to date and will be cleaning it up and adding the links/names and putting it as a big “You may be a bad tank” post tomorrow.

    So, if you want yours on the post that actually goes out to feedreaders tomorrow, make sure you get it in tonight!

  20. bigbearbutt says:

    Personally, the one I think of first is “If you just hit the buttons you read about on Elitist Jerks but have no idea what they do, you might be a bad tank”

  21. Imanoob says:

    If you are trying to kill that “caster” the hunter so kindly marked for you, while the other four mobs are chopping at your spine with big axes… You may be a bad tank.

  22. dorgol says:

    @Rob: Bagging on Unholy Tanks is no good! I tanked from 60 to 80 as Unholy just fine. It wasn’t until Heroics that I discovered how fail that spec was. Damn, I wish I could have it back, though.

    If you are in the right stance / presence, wearing the right gear, but in the wrong spec… you might be a bad tank. (Happens to everyone, right?)

    If you join a group as a Tank but end the run healing the Warlock’s Pet… you might be a bad tank. (In my defense, this was while leveling during the early days of TBC, and the Warlock was 6 levels higher than we were.)

    If your pet Ghoul is doing and taking more damage than you are… you might be a bad tank. (I did more tanking on that run as an Enhancement Shaman. Was fun though!)

    If you thin DnD stands for “Dungeons and Dragons”… you might be a cool dude, but also a bad tank.

    If you use Divine Shield because “I was gonna die!”… you might be a bad tank.

    IF YOU USE ARMY OF THE DEAD ON A DRAGON BOSS… I HATE YOU AND YOU ARE A BAD TANK.

  23. Joel says:

    If you use army of the dead or grasp … you are a bad dps.

    If you can’t choose a talent tree … you might be a bad tank. (saw it!)

    If you constantly lose threat to a warlock pet three levels below you … you might be a bad tank

  24. Erthshade says:

    @dorgol: ‘IF YOU USE ARMY OF THE DEAD ON A DRAGON BOSS… I HATE YOU AND YOU ARE A BAD TANK.’ What, you don’t play Dragon Roulette when the group overgears the place?

    If you use a taunt as part of a tanking rotation… you might be a bad tank.
    If the boss has its heiney in a void zone… you might be a bad tank.
    If you stand in a void zone because of ‘lolHP’… you might be a bad tank.
    If you let the MDing hunter die… wait, no, that’s a good thing.

  25. Seleria says:

    If your ICC10 pug wipes to gunship 4 times because you’re crittable… you might be a bad tank.

    If you then want to try hardmode Saurfang… you might be an obliviously bad tank.

    If it’s easier for the healer to swap specs and tank than to heal your butt… you might be a bad tank.

    And my favorite ones…

    If you are a fresh 80 in crafted gear but chain pull heroics like you’re in 264 gear… you might be a bad tank.

    If you are levelling up, have no real aoe threat abilities, and chain pull instances like you’re in 264 gear… you make me cry.

  26. Wentockmosha says:

    Man this is a tough one. I stopped dealing with PUG tanks months ago. Helps when you have 4 80 tanks to play with yourself.
    @dorgol, but da dragon boss dance be so much fun!

    If Brann is dead on the floor, you might be a bad tank.

    If you think plate is a license to taunt, you might be a bad tank.

    If you think Death Grip is fun to mess with the dps, you might be a bad tank. ( I r not, but it is fun :P)

  27. Skul says:

    If you have all 71 talent points in a single tree…you might be a bad tank.
    If your idea of a mana break is to pull only the next group instead of the next three, you might be a bad tank.
    If you think you’re the best tank because you’re still standing after the rest of the party goes down (healer first, naturally), you might be a bad tank.

  28. Talth says:

    If you finish ToC with your lance on you might be a bad tank.

    If you run randoms with your succubus you are a bad tank.

  29. AngerFork says:

    If your Warrior or Pally tanks with a 2-hander because a DK did so well at it once, you might be a bad tank.
    If someone tells you to use LoS and you start thinking they misspelled a TV show title, you might be a bad tank.
    If your gear is red and you refuse to fix it because it ‘looks pretty that way’, you might be a bad tank.
    If you lose track of adds because you can’t pull your eyes away from Mr. Belvedere, you might be a bad tank.
    If your group cries for a Taunt and you reply with a Yo Mama joke, you might be a bad tank.
    If you are tanking in Cloth for the wicked stamina boost you’re getting, you might be a bad tank.
    If you are spending too much time hitting on the healer to notice that plenty of enemies are hitting on her as well, you might be a bad tank.

  30. Nightwhisp says:

    If you think an interrupt is when the phone rings while you are standing in hellfire, you might be a bad tank.
    If you think Mana was a gift that God gave to the Israelites, you might be a bad tank.
    If you think 540 is code for “let’s roll a fatty”, you might be a bad tank.
    If you leave the group right after the holiday boss or the one that drops that cool tanking shield, you might be a bad tank.
    If you chain pull three groups and then leave group while still in combat, you might be a bad tank.
    If you think Def Cap is a cute and cool rock band, you might be a bad tank.

  31. Lightshope says:

    If you put 71 points Unholy, always use Unholy presence, and enchant your spell power plate with +spell power, you might be a bad tank.

    Unholy was fun to tank with in the Outlands while leveling though :-Þ

    +1 on “If you show up in LFD with rez sickness, you might be a bad tank.”

    If you show up in LFD with rez sickness, tell everyone that you’re stupid when you’re healer asks why you have rez sickness, and then start the first pull (still with rez sickness, you might be a bad tank…

    If you you have full tier 10 tanking gear and can’t hold aggro over the 3k GS dps, then you might have bought your tank on Ebay…

  32. SliderDaFeral says:

    If the most common upgrade on your tanking gear is critical strike, you might be a bad tank.

    If the most common upgrade on your tanking gear is mp5, you ARE a bad tank.

    If the healer has more HP than you, you might be a bad tank.

  33. Sina says:

    If you ridicule the fresh level 80 healer’s poor gear and proceed to pull enough groups that she can’t keep you up thus “proving” your point, you just might be a bad tank.

  34. jinkx says:

    If you still have your bouqeut of flowers equipped to tank HOR HC instead of your weapon and you notice after downing the LK you might b a bad tank.

    happened to me and ever since the guild has a new saying: pulling a jinkx….
    We survived tough :-)

  35. Eberron of Ravenholdt says:

    If every day you queue up and are constantly asked if you misqueued… You might be a bad tank.
    If every time you queue up for a battleground and someone whispers you telling you that your PVP spec sucks without realizing what it is… You might be a bad tank.
    If you stack avoidance in a fight made up of 90% magical damage, you… Might be a bad tank.
    If you’re receiving your third battle rez in a single encounter… You just might be a bad tank.
    If you’ve been tanking since vanilla and people routinely ask you if you’ve bought your character… You might be a bad tank.
    If Eberron on Ravenholdt-US has you on ignore and you have never spoken directly to him, rest assured, you’re a bad tank.

  36. Catsclaw says:

    If you chain pull in crappy gear and run a Resto Druid out of mana…you ARE a bad tank!

  37. If you zone in, ignore the healer in shadowform, and proceed to pull half the instance, you might be a bad tank.
    If you have never heard of ranged mobs, you might be a bad tank.
    If you stand in the stuff on the floor because you think it’s pretty, you might be a bad tank.
    If you’re attempting to tank wearing cloth heirlooms, you’re not only a bad tank but the idea of you having an 80 out there scares me.

    If you’re yelling at the healer who just got one shotted from healing aggro while trying to keep you up, you might be a bad tank.

  38. Faeldray says:

    If you think that just meleeing (no special abilities) can keep all the mobs on you, you might be a bad tank.
    If you hold aggro on a single mob only and completely ignore the other mobs running around splatting your DPS and healer, you might be a bad tank.
    If a level 20 shammy with fire nova can tank the Deadmines better than you, you might be a bad tank.
    If you never respond to the healer’s cries for mana and to slow down, and keep pulling massive groups of mobs that you can’t keep aggro on anyways, you are without a doubt an effing AWFUL tank.

    The last three all came from the same pally “tank” in the same run. I was healing on my disc priest and my boyfriend’s shammy ended up tanking almost everything. The worst part was when the tank finally just left the group and the other DPSs asked to queue for another tank, never having realized that the shammy had been doing it the entire time. I wept for the future of the human race then.

  39. Faeldray says:

    One last one: If you tell your group to stay in one spot so you can pull back to them, and then later run into the next room, aggro everything, and only as you’re dying realize that they’re still back there because you forgot to tell them to move forward again…you might be a bad tank. <—(Me. Ooooops!)

  40. Mentor says:

    If you always look for shortcuts which fail 99% of the time you might be a bad tank..

  41. Traellus says:

    If you think tanking means you run into the middle of the group and let them hit you… you may be a bad tank
    If you zone into an instance, grab all the mobs in the room and bring them towards the rest of the group just before zoning back out.. I hate you, want you dead, and you may be a bad tank (and a very bad person)
    If the lock’s pet ends up tanking the mobs better then you, you may be a bad tank
    If you zone into an instance and immediately cry, “God no, I can’t tank this” and drop group, you may be a bad tank (but at least you are aware of it)
    If the group has to wait several minutes before each pull waiting for you to work out what to do, you may be a bad tank

  42. Phoebrosa says:

    When a kitty druid is able to steal and hold the aggro through most of the “maiden of pain” fight… perhaps you are missing something.
    If said druid attempts to not steal aggro on a boss and ends up doing NO abilities – you suck.

    When the kitty druid leaves form – casts innervate on healer, changes to bear for frenzied regeneration, uses survival instincts, and has flowers growing around her – YOU ARE NOT CONTROLLING THE AGGRO!!!

    You pull the boss out of the black, purple or green spots or that deadly white stuff in occulus… and leave the rogue and kitty druid in it – you suck

  43. Rauxis says:

    if you refuse too take advice from your healer (who survived the last pull with 2 mobs pounding her) you might be a ….

  44. Rhii says:

    If the boss splats the healer while you happily tank his adds… you might be a bad tank.

  45. Rhii says:

    @Nightwhisp – Def cap isn’t a rock band… it’s COFFEE, duh. I order at Starbucks, don’t I? Venti non-fat def cap? XD

  46. suxxy says:

    If you leave decursive on, and click it instead of the ad that appeared, thereby turning out of bear form and wiping the raid… then you MIGHT be a bad tank.
    If you leave the default “auto cast on self” on, and accidentally click on a healing spell while tanking in bear form and wipe the raid… then you MIGHT be a bad tank.

  47. Chillyhollow says:

    If the tank brings his favorite Level 60 sword to a heroic 5-man PUG, that there might be a bad tank….

    If the tank insists the way to run the instance is to sneak past the adds along the walls, you don’t have Sam Fisher, you have what some people might call a bad tank!

  48. Chillyhollow says:

    If your tank is being chased through the raid by the main raid boss, then you just might, maybe, have a bad tank.

  49. Paona says:

    If the other tank can draw aggro simply by autoattacking… you might be a bad tank.

  50.  

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