Introduction

If you properly prepare for your raid, you will discover new heights you never thought you could reach. But a perfect raid doesn’t just happen! You have to make it work.

The point of this article will be to help you create the perfect raid for you and your friends, by introducing you to some of the early concepts.

If you want a raid experience like no other, you have to begin with the fundamentals; understanding the classes and their roles in the raid. 

Once you have that basic understanding, you can build from there by learning how each complements the others, and use that knowledge to weave them all together into a solid mix, having just the right elements to achieve your goal, without one particular ingredient being stronger or weaker than the next.

But that is only the beginning! Now is when the true complexity starts, when you begin the journey of exploring the subtleties possible in a raid with so much potential variety.

Composition. Balance. The interplay between abilities across classes. The flexibility… the depth.

It may seem like a daunting challenge at first, but if we take each part step by step, the final result will be something truly special, a raid you and your friends will remember for a very long time to come.

So let’s get started!

Class fundamentals

The first step to building the perfect raid is understanding the various classes that you may have available, and in what ways they fit together.

Each class has various strengths and weaknesses that you will want to take into account when working towards a successful raid.

When exploring the classes, I personally like to begin by separating them first according to texture, and then break them down further by their flavor profile. While the various specs of each class do add subtle nuances to the taste, it’s very important to start by getting the textures just so in order to build a pleasing balance. Only after the textures are in place can you begin building the perfect flavor combination and consider questions of taste.

In this chapter, we will discuss the chicken of the raid world, the cloth wearing classes; Priest, Warlock and Mage.

The cloth wearing classes provide a pleasingly smooth texture that can both bind together different leather-wearing elements of the raid and lubricate the harsher edges of the plate wearers so they are easier to swallow.

Cloth wearing classes should form the foundation for your meal. Much like chicken, when properly cooked their texture is neutral, and will easily complement nearly any other combination of textures.

Whether steamed, broiled or baked, they provide amazing versatility without compromising your dish. And when you think of all the possible specs that your cloth wearers can choose from, you are almost guaranteed to have a wide complement in your raid to choose from.

From the explosively spicy Destro Warlock to the iced smoothness of the Frost Mage, the sourball bitterness of the Shadow Priest to the in-your-face boldness of the Discipline Priest, cloth wearing classes all provide that smooth texture you’re looking for to get the party started.

Cooking Techniques

Now, when building the foundation of your raid, I know that many beginners leap to direct flame roasted techniques, but I personally disagree with this choice. I have spent many years perfecting my technique, and what I have found is that the secret is in the marinade and the duration of the final immersion.

When I asked Maloriak to come up with the perfect marinade for my raids, he surprised me by recommending a marinade combined with alternately heating and chilling the meat. The Maloriak marinade begins with some flame to tenderize the meat, is followed by a fast exposure to the deep freeze, and combined with a strenuous pounding throughout. Finally, the marinade, a liberal application of slime, I favor the green slime for piquancy, replaces the moisture in the players with a good, salty seasoning that will help keep the meat moist throughout the actual cooking process.

The marinade was nothing, though, when compared to my vision of the ultimate raid experience.

It was to pursue my dream of creating a revolutionary raid that all of my fellow bosses would talk about for decades that I created Kitchen Arena.

Within Kitchen Arena, the best raids square off to prove that they are worthy to be the main ingredients in my culinary triumph.

We begin by placing all of the raid members in the pot I have designed expressly for this purpose. Kitchen Arena is, justly, the focal point of my entire home, and from this you can see exactly how seriously I take my meal preparation.

Timing is absolutely crucial to having all elements of the raid ready at exactly the right time, so while the ranged raid members are busy having their muscle structure energized and loosened by the electrical forces of Onyxia, I forcefully tenderize the melee and plate wearers personally.

Once everything is just right, it’s time to introduce all raid members to the burning magma. By filling the pot quickly with pre-heated magma, we are able to get the perfect crispness on the outside, and seal in that salty seasoned marinade on the inside.

It is a little known fact that the properties of the magma of Blackrock Mountain are unique in Azeroth, for having an undertone of peanut that adds a delicate and refreshing aftertaste without adding calories and saturated fat.

The true secret ingredient to this part of the cooking process, though, is adding just a touch of Shadowflame to all the ingredients while the Chromatic Prototypes keep things stirred up to cook evenly.

The final result of these elaborate preparations is a raid that is crispy on the outside without changing the innate texture of the class shell, tender and succulent on the inside, and a veritable feast for the eyes as well as the palate.

While you cannot hope to achieve the same culinary heights I have traveled, I still wish you luck on pursuing your own journey towards raid excellence.

The next article in the series, “Plate Wearers – The Delightful Crunch you want to Munch”, will be featured in the September issue of Good Raidkeeping magazine, so pre-order yours today!

Yours truly,

Lord Victor Nefarian

5 Responses to “How to Prepare Your Raid”
  1. Elynea says:

    Loved it! LMAO!!

    Couldn’t help but think of him standing on the balcony, clasping a book entitled, “To Serve Man”…

    Gotta wipe the tears from my eyes. :D

    • bigbearbutt says:

      I loved that story, ‘To Serve Man…”, this was of course inspired by it. Well, that, and watching a whole lot of cooking competition shows. And spending one too many times on Nefarian jumping out of the magam pot in Phase two wondering what the hell he designed it that way for.

      It seemed obvious in retrospect.

  2. Karen says:

    There is now a “junk” book reward in 1000 Needles from the Twilight guys called “How to Serve Man”. I think it came from an ogre and has a list on its single page. I can’t remember the exact wording, but useful in an ogreish way.

    Needless to say, it is a treasured item in my bank.

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