All right.

Seriously?

Let me make absolutely certain I’ve got this right.

1) Liam Neeson.

2) Berserkers, a la Fred Saberhagen, brought up to modern Tranformer sci-fi special effects.

3) Liam Neeson.

4) U.S. Battleships, which (unless I’ve suddenly gone batshit insane) do not even exist anymore, not since like 1995.

5) Liam Neeson.

6) A deus ex machina plot device to explain why naval air power, and the use of aircraft carriers as a platform to project that air power, cannot in this instance be used.

7) Liam Neeson.

Look.

I don’t ask for much in this life.

(Stop snickering. I’m being melodramatic for effect here.)

I said I don’t ask for much.

But if you’re gonna make this movie… if you’re gonna make Battleship and you’re gonna put Liam Neeson in it…

You gotta make Liam Neeson strap broken bottles to his fists, jump onto the alien ship from the broken hull of his impossible battleship, and punch a robot Berserker Transformer shark to death while saying in his chill voice, “You sunk my battleship.”

Otherwise, wtf is the point of this movie?

Oh, and you know I’m going to see this, right?

19 Responses to “You Sank My WTF?!?”
  1. bigbearbutt says:

    I might just watch Taken again tonight. Just sayin’.

  2. Concord says:

    I’m getting a very Ringo-esque vibe from this movie for some reason. Almost Posleen-like in the whole “let’s come up with an excuse to build REALLY BIG GUNS” bit. For all that it looks ridiculous, I wanna see this movie

    • bigbearbutt says:

      That’s the thing, to quote Robert Downey Jr in Air America, “I kid because I care.”

      I may make fun of so much in this movie, plot wise, but I still want to see this film. Not as much as Avengers, but almost, because Avengers has that “Cool build up” thing goin, but is also taking itself very seriously, and with the money they invested can you blame them?

      But this… this is a movie based on the boardgame “Battleship” by Hasbro. But… then they threw in Liam Neeson and Berserkers. It has all the hallmarks of being epic fun.

    • Minos says:

      I suspect they had a concept for an “aliens attack” movie, and then asked themselves “How can we make this a tie-in?”

  3. Gekkoracing says:

    Hey BBB,

    I said almost the same thing about the battleship sequence…..WTF they brought the Iowa…or ‘Jersey outta mothballs for this??????? lol …….aye the Berserkers look wicked awesome! ……even the wife wants to see it…..it has Liam ……need I say more!

  4. Barix says:

    I may wait for the RiffTrax. I have absolute faith that Mssrs. Nelson, Murphy and Corbett will have four red plastic pegs stuck into this one by the 4th of July.

  5. I’d like to thank you for the image of Liam Neeson shouting’ You sank my battleship!’ which is likely to stick with me for the rest of the day. Cheers!

  6. The Ancient says:

    Insomnia, it’s 2:30am and I thought I’d read. Read your post and thought we MUST have a Liam Neeson movie. Dug through the DVDs and found Rob Roy. It’s not Battleship but it’ll do for now. The dogs and I are going to have a late night Liam Neeson party!

    • bigbearbutt says:

      I did end up watching Taken again last night.

      Did you know they are in the process of filming a sequel to Taken with Liam Neeson right now? It’s in filming. COuld be out in a couple years.

      But think about what Liam has given us… Rob Roy, Michael Collins, Darkman, Star Wars, so much fun.

  7. mannyac says:

    Don’t forget A-Team!

    • bigbearbutt says:

      I… I have not, nor will I, see A-Team. Ever.

      Shame on you.

      • mannyac says:

        I’m not ashamed, as a matter of fact I’m gonna watch it AGAIN!!!!

        It’s not like its Battlefield Earth…you know quite possibly the greatest waste of film ever…
        You remember when we actually paid to see it in the theater.

        NOw THAT is something to be ashamed of.

        • bigbearbutt says:

          Oh shit, I do remember when we went together to see Battlefield Earth!

          Oh damn, good times. Good times. That was epic fail, and we went in with SUCH high hopes…

          And then there was the epic movie watching experience seeing Serenity, where you almost killed the guy in the row behind us for being an asshat…

          Hey, I just realised… it’s not the movies, it’s YOU!

          • mannyac says:

            Yeah, I still miss our nights of drinking, cigars, and getting the Tim Malloys drunk. Total fun.

            Shit, that sounds like a bromance…

  8. Gus says:

    Wow battleship the movie i look forward to snakes&ladders the movie with Samuel l. Jackson and tictactoe With jeff bridges

  9. Herr Drache says:

    BBB Drinking game. Take a shot every time… :)

    Just kidding, my Scotch would be gone in no time flat, and I like Liam Neeson, too.

    I didn’t watch the Superbowl this year, and I tend to DVR all the other shows I watch, so I’m prone to miss all the cool ads. Thanks for pointing this out, I have to watch that movie. And wasn’t that gunner woman in Avatar, kicking ass as well?

  10. Matty says:

    You had me at deus ex machina.

    Drinking game with Liam in all of his “man v. (fill in the blank)” conflicts. Can’t all be saving us from Nazis and Sith, man. Gotta throw some wolves in there.

  11. sass says:

    Ever since Taken, my husband and I call him “Throatpunch”. That’s his name now. Usually used like so… “hey did you see the preview for that new movie? It’s got Throatpunch in it. I think I want to see it.” “Throatpunch!”

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