You Sank My WTF?!?

All right.

Seriously?

Let me make absolutely certain I’ve got this right.

1) Liam Neeson.

2) Berserkers, a la Fred Saberhagen, brought up to modern Tranformer sci-fi special effects.

3) Liam Neeson.

4) U.S. Battleships, which (unless I’ve suddenly gone batshit insane) do not even exist anymore, not since like 1995.

5) Liam Neeson.

6) A deus ex machina plot device to explain why naval air power, and the use of aircraft carriers as a platform to project that air power, cannot in this instance be used.

7) Liam Neeson.

Look.

I don’t ask for much in this life.

(Stop snickering. I’m being melodramatic for effect here.)

I said I don’t ask for much.

But if you’re gonna make this movie… if you’re gonna make Battleship and you’re gonna put Liam Neeson in it…

You gotta make Liam Neeson strap broken bottles to his fists,┬ájump onto the alien ship from the broken hull of his impossible battleship, and punch a robot Berserker Transformer shark to death while saying in his chill voice, “You sunk my battleship.”

Otherwise, wtf is the point of this movie?

Oh, and you know I’m going to see this, right?

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19 thoughts on “You Sank My WTF?!?

  1. I’m getting a very Ringo-esque vibe from this movie for some reason. Almost Posleen-like in the whole “let’s come up with an excuse to build REALLY BIG GUNS” bit. For all that it looks ridiculous, I wanna see this movie

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    • That’s the thing, to quote Robert Downey Jr in Air America, “I kid because I care.”

      I may make fun of so much in this movie, plot wise, but I still want to see this film. Not as much as Avengers, but almost, because Avengers has that “Cool build up” thing goin, but is also taking itself very seriously, and with the money they invested can you blame them?

      But this… this is a movie based on the boardgame “Battleship” by Hasbro. But… then they threw in Liam Neeson and Berserkers. It has all the hallmarks of being epic fun.

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  2. Hey BBB,

    I said almost the same thing about the battleship sequence…..WTF they brought the Iowa…or ‘Jersey outta mothballs for this??????? lol …….aye the Berserkers look wicked awesome! ……even the wife wants to see it…..it has Liam ……need I say more!

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  3. I may wait for the RiffTrax. I have absolute faith that Mssrs. Nelson, Murphy and Corbett will have four red plastic pegs stuck into this one by the 4th of July.

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  4. Insomnia, it’s 2:30am and I thought I’d read. Read your post and thought we MUST have a Liam Neeson movie. Dug through the DVDs and found Rob Roy. It’s not Battleship but it’ll do for now. The dogs and I are going to have a late night Liam Neeson party!

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    • I did end up watching Taken again last night.

      Did you know they are in the process of filming a sequel to Taken with Liam Neeson right now? It’s in filming. COuld be out in a couple years.

      But think about what Liam has given us… Rob Roy, Michael Collins, Darkman, Star Wars, so much fun.

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      • I’m not ashamed, as a matter of fact I’m gonna watch it AGAIN!!!!

        It’s not like its Battlefield Earth…you know quite possibly the greatest waste of film ever…
        You remember when we actually paid to see it in the theater.

        NOw THAT is something to be ashamed of.

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      • Oh shit, I do remember when we went together to see Battlefield Earth!

        Oh damn, good times. Good times. That was epic fail, and we went in with SUCH high hopes…

        And then there was the epic movie watching experience seeing Serenity, where you almost killed the guy in the row behind us for being an asshat…

        Hey, I just realised… it’s not the movies, it’s YOU!

        Like

      • Yeah, I still miss our nights of drinking, cigars, and getting the Tim Malloys drunk. Total fun.

        Shit, that sounds like a bromance…

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  5. BBB Drinking game. Take a shot every time… :)

    Just kidding, my Scotch would be gone in no time flat, and I like Liam Neeson, too.

    I didn’t watch the Superbowl this year, and I tend to DVR all the other shows I watch, so I’m prone to miss all the cool ads. Thanks for pointing this out, I have to watch that movie. And wasn’t that gunner woman in Avatar, kicking ass as well?

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  6. You had me at deus ex machina.

    Drinking game with Liam in all of his “man v. (fill in the blank)” conflicts. Can’t all be saving us from Nazis and Sith, man. Gotta throw some wolves in there.

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  7. Ever since Taken, my husband and I call him “Throatpunch”. That’s his name now. Usually used like so… “hey did you see the preview for that new movie? It’s got Throatpunch in it. I think I want to see it.” “Throatpunch!”

    Like

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