You know, it’s not often that just the thought of what I’m about to do to YOU, my readers, brings such a smile to my face as I’m sportin’ right now.

The best bit? I know some of you are going to buy this. I know it. I know you, oh yes I do. I’m not even sure Ursiheil is going to wait for the page to finish loading.

This is just fantastic.

Damnit, I’m shivering, this is so good.

Can I have your attention, please.

I am proud to announce to you, my fellow bacon loving bears, that you can now get down and dirty with your bacon, and it’s perfectly all right.

In fact, it’s what it’s for!

How many times have you said you loved bacon?

Well now you can! No, really, you really can love bacon. In fact, that’s what it’s DESIGNED for!

Now you, yes YOU, can get BACONLUBE.

Oh yeah, that’s right, this ain’t no April Fools, this is BACONLUBE for reals!

 To quote J & Ds Foods webstore;

You’ve always been a lover of bacon. Well, now you can be a bacon lover with baconlube, the world’s first bacon-flavored massage oil and personal lubricant.

Just… just think about all the things YOU could do with bacon-flavored massage oil AND PERSONAL LUBRICANT. And it’s safe for vegans!

It’s brought to you by the makers of bacon salt, so you know it’s got to be good. And well thought out. ALL the ramifications. Well thought out. Hours spent just thinking about it. A million and one uses.

It’s one small step for man, one giant leap for bear-kind.

Have you thought about what you could do with bacon-flavored massage oil AND LUBRICANT?

It’s thinking about what you’re thinking that is making me laugh my tits off, to paraphrase Lewis Black.

This is real, this is now. The future of bacon is TODAY! So get yours now.

Go! What about this idea could possibly give you reason for concern?

20 Responses to “Oh Big Bear Butt NO!”
  1. Brings to mind the word “porkin.”

    • bigbearbutt says:

      And when you wrote that, it brought to mind the Clarance Carter song, “Strokin'”.

      That is a parody song I could write… but if I did, and then recorded it, I am afraid for my life. Clowns might eat me.

      • ursiheil says:

        Doooooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!

        Unless of course, by clowns you mean Cass… and by eating you, you mean hitting you with a frying pan… then I could see the issue

  2. /AFK Preparing for IMMINENT APOCALYPSE…

    Oh and I laughed SO MUCH. After the last 24 hours, that’s just what I needed :D

  3. ursiheil says:

    oh… I’m sorry, were you saying something Bear? I’m just enjoying this excellent bacon flavored lube… it’s soooooo good I don’t even need the other dude :)

    • bigbearbutt says:

      I think your massage business might take off if you offered the bacon option to your clientele.

      • bigbearbutt says:

        It’s all about knowing your market.

        • ursiheil says:

          I don’t think it would be a good idea… often time clientele frown upon you licking them while on the massage table :) The temptation is too great

  4. Nikolai says:

    This made my day! Not only can men act like pigs, we can smell like em now too!

  5. DrFeelgood says:

    Finally, the best way for everyone to enjoy oral sex. Just a dab though, wouldn’t want to encourage bites….

  6. Zwingli says:

    That is great!

    I wondered if you read my tweet to you and Gnomey about the bacon coffin.

    :)

    Z

  7. tink says:

    …you can also get buried in a bacon coffin.

    ..bacon lube, fairly sure one of the few bacon-themed products I don’t want to try.

  8. Matty says:

    …*eyesoap…eyesoap poisoning……*

  9. Erthshade says:

    I had to double-check the date on this entry.

  10. Suxxy says:

    Dammit!!!! It’s *massage* oil and *personal* lubricant… if only I could use it for my car… or better yet, motorbike (if my Mrs ever lets me get another one)!
    Just imagine it; cruising down the road spreading bacon-flavour scent where ever you travel. Think of all the joy you could bring to the world ;)

  11. Xew says:

    I saw a youtube video of a group of people passing the bottle around, tasting it. It was quite funny.

  12. mannyac says:

    Is there a kosher version?

  13. bigmammadaf says:

    I’m just wondering about the dogs, cats and bears that will be chasing after that smell!

    • bigbearbutt says:

      Congratulations. I was wrong with my post, but you went to a whole other level. Bravo! I applaud you, that took some doing. :)

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