Oh Big Bear Butt NO!

You know, it’s not often that just the thought of what I’m about to do to YOU, my readers, brings such a smile to my face as I’m sportin’ right now.

The best bit? I know some of you are going to buy this. I know it. I know you, oh yes I do. I’m not even sure Ursiheil is going to wait for the page to finish loading.

This is just fantastic.

Damnit, I’m shivering, this is so good.

Can I have your attention, please.

I am proud to announce to you, my fellow bacon loving bears, that you can now get down and dirty with your bacon, and it’s perfectly all right.

In fact, it’s what it’s for!

How many times have you said you loved bacon?

Well now you can! No, really, you really can love bacon. In fact, that’s what it’s DESIGNED for!

Now you, yes YOU, can get BACONLUBE.

Oh yeah, that’s right, this ain’t no April Fools, this is BACONLUBE for reals!

 To quote J & Ds Foods webstore;

You’ve always been a lover of bacon. Well, now you can be a bacon lover with baconlube, the world’s first bacon-flavored massage oil and personal lubricant.

Just… just think about all the things YOU could do with bacon-flavored massage oil AND PERSONAL LUBRICANT. And it’s safe for vegans!

It’s brought to you by the makers of bacon salt, so you know it’s got to be good. And well thought out. ALL the ramifications. Well thought out. Hours spent just thinking about it. A million and one uses.

It’s one small step for man, one giant leap for bear-kind.

Have you thought about what you could do with bacon-flavored massage oil AND LUBRICANT?

It’s thinking about what you’re thinking that is making me laugh my tits off, to paraphrase Lewis Black.

This is real, this is now. The future of bacon is TODAY! So get yours now.

Go! What about this idea could possibly give you reason for concern?

20 thoughts on “Oh Big Bear Butt NO!

    • And when you wrote that, it brought to mind the Clarance Carter song, “Strokin'”.

      That is a parody song I could write… but if I did, and then recorded it, I am afraid for my life. Clowns might eat me.


      • Doooooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!

        Unless of course, by clowns you mean Cass… and by eating you, you mean hitting you with a frying pan… then I could see the issue


  1. oh… I’m sorry, were you saying something Bear? I’m just enjoying this excellent bacon flavored lube… it’s soooooo good I don’t even need the other dude :)


  2. …you can also get buried in a bacon coffin.

    ..bacon lube, fairly sure one of the few bacon-themed products I don’t want to try.


  3. Dammit!!!! It’s *massage* oil and *personal* lubricant… if only I could use it for my car… or better yet, motorbike (if my Mrs ever lets me get another one)!
    Just imagine it; cruising down the road spreading bacon-flavour scent where ever you travel. Think of all the joy you could bring to the world ;)


    • Congratulations. I was wrong with my post, but you went to a whole other level. Bravo! I applaud you, that took some doing. :)


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