I was thinking about the difficulty of dancing around the point in last night’s post, when I struck upon the solution.
I’m turning this into an opportunity for you to show off YOUR writing chops!
I’ll present the same setup as was on the Phineas and Ferb “Where’s Perry?” Part Two show last night, and you share YOUR idea for the perfect sarcastic, snarky retort!
The genius is, the setup is classically cliché, so when a brilliant retort comes, it breaks your expectations. You get a cliché setup line, you expect a cliché response.
That makes the “holy crap” factor all the better.
So, to set the scene.
Two people, normally enemies, have been forced to work together towards a common goal. We’ll call one the evil mad scientist and the other one the snarky action hero.
Right in the middle of a crisis, where the mad scientist is whipping together an invention to save the world but in the process is making a big mess and stealing parts from just about everything the action hero will need to survive, and the two might plummet to their deaths at any moment because of in flight parts cannibalization of their plane, the mad scientist turns to the action hero and says;
“One day we’ll look back on this moment and laugh.”
And then YOU instantly reply…
“No I won’t.” /deadpan
What? Not funny? Yeah, I’m a nerd. Not much in the area of comedy, I’m afraid.
z
But your immortality device doesn’t work!
As they pull our straightjackets even tighter.
“We? Oh sweetie you won’t last that long.”
If we make it to tomorrow, I’ll be impressed.
Sorry, not very witty, but what came to mind.
Ok I think we got this device all set up now! Just need one human heart to complete it. Mine is being used, so that just leaves ….
“Just not today.” *plugs nitrous oxide leak with some chewing gum*
“Sure, because iron lungs let you laugh.”
I find your overconfidence disturbing.
I’d be laughing now too, except we’re plummeting to our deaths!
Only one of us will be laughing and it won’t be you.
Hmm, it makes a bit of a difference as the scene actually was in the episode, where the dialog occurred immediately after the two of them had implausibly survived the crash landing uninjured. Less worry about trying to save their lives gives Mr. Hero more room to wind up and let Mr. Mad Scientist know how he really feels.
Yup when were both in traction I’m sure we will both be laughing…….
Best i could come up with while the plane is still falling. Most of my snarky comebacks happen off the cuff just ask my friends…….
Snarky hero kicks mad scientist in the ‘nads, see the bulging eyes and pain wracked features of his erstwhile ally, and says”NOW I’ll look back and laugh…”
“Wait!” Mr. Hero gasped. His face bent into an expression of pure horror. He inched back toward the aircraft door and placed a shaking hand on the sole parachute. “You promised there wouldn’t be time travel…” he gasped. He blindly fumbled for the handle of the door behind him and stammered, “You p-p-promised!”
I’m not sure I fully got the scene, but if the mad scientist stole stuff from the hero, the hero might’ve answered: “or, if you gave me back my stuff now, we could laugh right away!”
“I’m already laughing. I’m wearing the only parachute.”
“Thanks! I suspect I’ll need one by then.”
‘One’ being a laugh, or should I not explain that?
“At least that meteor won’t get the last laugh.”
Only if you stop waving that thing around like a Featherduster!
Monkey Island, anyone?
“Only because that outfit is atrocious!”
“Remind me to push you down some stairs.”
“Is that day today? Because it doesn’t look like we have much time left!”
“Yeah, and one day I’ll be president, hah! Lets get this bird in the air!”
Unlrealated to post – but the 400-lb bear wandering around glendale was captured by luring it with…. wait for it…. bacon.
http://www.glendalenewspress.com/community/tn-818-0829-glendale-bear-is-caught-now-headed-for-wildlife-sanctuary-in-colorado,0,4707199.story
bleh – “Unrelated”…
Call me maybe?