My conceit is that I think of myself as being knowledgeable in the ways of the world.

The truth is, the world is not only stranger than I know, it is stranger than I can know.

Even in the most mundane of daily activities though, that strangeness can sometimes shine through and, holy shit, I’m left to babble incoherently into my Mountain Dew.

Case in point.

This past weekend, my family and I were engaged in the usual weekend routine. We travel as a unit to gather food stuffs, dry goods, trim the fur when necessary and partake of honey, grubs and larvae.

It was while stopped for said grub, at a Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise, that the nightmare unfolded.

I’ll give you a warning, here. This story will be safe for your work, but it might not be safe for your peace of mind. Once you have been exposed to this knowledge, you cannot unlearn it without repeated applications of the Ball Peen Hammer of Forgetting +5 (lbs).

Abandon all hope, ye who read further than here.

The Kentucky Fried Chicken, for those unfortunate souls who do not live near one, is one of the strangest fast food franchises in existence. They seem to go out of their way to keep the consumer confused and avoid letting you eat their tasty yummy treats.

Their menu changes without warning. That’s the first thing. You’ll go in, and immediately wonder, ‘What the hell did they do to their menu? Do they have drinks anymore? I don’t see them.”

They will have some very tasty items that actually don’t appear on their menu at all and that you have to ask for at the counter. No joke. One I went to would have mashed potatoes and fried gravy simmered with bits of leftover chicken from the night before. They’d serve it if you asked at the early morning crowd over biscuits. No, I’m not kidding.

Some franchises just won’t carry some things, others will run out of odd stuff at random, and their prices can be pretty damn high for 3 pieces of fried chicken and a coke.

All that being said, I do get me a craving for some extra crispy, now and again.

KFC. The restaurant I go to despite their best efforts to stop me.

So I had a craving for fried chicken breast and wings, and Alex loves their popcorn chicken. Off we went.

It only took visiting two KFCs before we found one that had both items on their menu. The first KFC we visited had, for whatever reason, eradicated popcorn chicken from their menu in some kind of scorched earth anti-popcorn warfare that left me asking, “They do still make it, right?” To which the lady behind the counter answered, “I really couldn’t say.”

Like, WTF did popcorn chicken do to that franchise owner that it became the menu item that must not be named?

We stood in the middle of that KFC as I leveraged the power of the smartphone to call up a list of other KFC franchises in our area, and called ‘em up one by one asking, “Do you have popcorn chicken?”

I was smart, though. After I found one that did, answering in a tone of voice that strongly implied, “Of course! We’re KFC, why wouldn’t we have popcorn chicken, you moron”, I did think to ask if they had extra crispy breasts and wings. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I’m on to this game.

We drive back across town, ordered our delicious fried chicken, and began filling our beverage cups.

Alex chose a Mug brand root beer, and filled it himself.

Life lessons. He filled it a bit too full too fast, and the foam rose rapidly, threatening to spill over the cup.

I warned Alex that he may want to spill some of his beverage out of the cup into the drain so it didn’t overflow, making the sides of the cup sticky.

Cassie said, “You don’t have to do that to get rid of the foam.”

I looked at her as if to say, “WTF”, but what I asked was, “Oh? How else can you get rid of it?”

She looked at me in that knowing, always right way she has that lets me know I’m about to get schooled again, and said, “I learned it when I worked at Dairy Queen in high school. You can’t do it to someone else’s cup, that would be icky, but you can do it to your own cup to get rid of the foam.”

I’m just staring at her blankly. I have no earthly idea where she’s going with this. “What in the world are you talking about?”

She grins at Alex, and says “You just touch your finger to the side of your nose, and then touch the foam. All the foam vanishes, instantly.”

Alex immediately shouts “Cool!” while I just stare at Cassie in horror.

She looks at me and says, “What?”

“You’re full of… you’re full of it.”

“No, really, it works.”

“You touch the side of your nose, and then touch the foam in the cup, and the foam vanishes.”

“Yep!”

“Bullshit.”

“No, it really works.”

‘Bullshit.”

“I’m not kidding, it really does.”

“I’m still calling bullshit, prove it.”

“No, it’s Alex’s cup, I can’t do it to his cup.”

“I don’t care, I’ll buy another cup, I want to see the foam disappear.”

She touched the side of her nose with one finger, and I mean a touch on the outside, not some finger-mashing booger-picking low crawl. Just a gentle touch, lasting but a moment.

The she touched, just as gently, just as briefly, the foam right where it was touching the edge of the cup.

Instantly, and I mean instantly, the foam vanished, starting from that small point and spreading rapidly like some kind of scourge-created nose plague.

Just, one little touch and fwump! All the foam was gone, leaving bare liquid in a cup.

What. The. FUCK.

Okay. I’ll admit it.

I thought I knew a lot of stuff, and while I will admit I don’t know everything, I thought I knew most of the neat bits in our common everyday life.

That shit flanked me and left me flat-footed, ripe for ganking. Thank god KFC is a Sanctuary zone.

I live in a world where you can have a carbonated beverage overflowing with foam, touch your finger to the side of your nose, touch the foam, and the foam vanishes instantly.

Where the FUCK was I when this was talked about in class? Huh?

That’s what I want to know. I spent HOW many years in the public education system, and nobody thought to clue me in to this shit before now?

Hey, I was good, I took chemistry, I took physics, we even had an astronomy class. I paid attention. I paid my dues. I stayed awake through some boring ass shit, man, and some horrible teachers.

Nobody ever thought to demonstrate this shit to me?

Goddamn it, do you people even KNOW how to get kids interested in science? You show us freaky shit we can do with it, man!

How the hell did the public school system let this one go?

You know what I’m gonna tell you.

You’ve gotta go try this.

You have to go out there, to a public restaurant, get a big foamy glass of some kind of soft drink, touch your nose and then touch the foam to make it vanish.

In front of a crowd.

FOR SCIENCE!!!

25 Responses to “What Has Been Seen Cannot Be Unseen”
  1. bigbearbutt says:

    Now, I will add one comment. Yes, this is a real thing, and here is a link to someone describing the why and the whatfor, in regards to beer foam. http://www.chow.com/food-news/54430/why-does-nose-grease-tame-beer-foam/

    So, I’m not saying go out, do it, and then drink it. I’m just sayin’ you gotta try it!

  2. Kal says:

    A cute bartender let me in on this one. It’s wizardry!

  3. Theodoxus says:

    I’ve always just used my finger… touching nose makes sense though.

    • Leah says:

      same. i didn’t know you were supposed to touch your nose.. but touching foam with a finger.. I cannot even remember who taught me, it was so long ago :/ what is the purpose of touching your nose first?

      • bigbearbutt says:

        Most people wash their hands before eating, and the hands don’t produce oils. The skin on the nose does produce oil. So, any oil on your finger was a transfer from somewhere else. Touching the nose first ensures you some oil.

  4. klepsacovic says:

    Ha! Serves you right, clean-faced people who never had acne. Now WE get the good drinks!

  5. I’m doing this as soon as possible. Next time I go out.

  6. Töki says:

    I’ve always just used my finger as well; I guess that’s why it wouldn’t always work.

    On a sidenote, while being abroad, I stumbled upon a KFC that serves mashed potatoes with gravy (no left over chicken bits, though) for less than a dollar. It wasn’t on the menu, either, but people were handing out flyers with “one dollar deals”; which is how we found out.

  7. solitha says:

    It’s always worked for me just fine by just touching the foam… with my fingertip, or simply with my tongue. I would imagine something in one’s saliva breaks down carbs, after all.

    • Tzivya says:

      Yeah. It’s why just taking a drink will often help; your upper lip will quite happily do the same thing, so while you get a foam moustache, the head breaks down and you don’t get the overflow.

      I had an odd upbringing though, my family were alcoholic enough to have a tap installed in a fridge downstairs and bought their beer by the half-barrel. Even when I was 10, I could tap a glass of beer to make any bartender proud, and knew lots of little tricks to deal with it. :)

  8. ViviannaWow says:

    You can also touch your forehead, if the idea of touching your nose before inserting it (the finger) into your drink bothers you. I believe it has something to do with the oil on your skin, but I’ve never really found written proof.

    • ViviannaWow says:

      Yeah, here I was thinking I sounded smart…then I scrolled up and saw your reply to the first comment. Ah, well, there go all my dreams of sounding superior…

  9. Tsudrats says:

    okay so now I want to go and get mashed potatoes with gravy, popcorn chicken, chips and some wings!!!! oh and a cup of frothy drink to try that on! Cassie rocks :D

  10. Ironshield says:

    I don’t see what people are so worried about, the side of your nose is far from the grossest thing you’re likely to have touched between washing your hands and eating your delicious KFC – finger licking good baby!

  11. Ironshield says:

    Not to mention the fact that the INSIDE of your nose (yes the gross booger filled bit) is connected to your throat.

  12. hasteur says:

    Definitely heard this before. I know it works well with Dr Pepper foam, but other sodas don’t work as well. Never tired touching my nose, just tapping the foam with my finger is usually enough to set off the catalytic reaction.

  13. riegnman says:

    I’ve always just touched the foam with my finger and it worked. Crap! Now I have to go to KFC for lunch.

    BTW, their chicken pot pie is the food of the gods. Seriously, you could write an entire blog about the goodness that is the crust.

    • Theodoxus says:

      QFT!

      So happy it’s getting into fall weather – a KFC Pot Pie for lunch on a cold day is omg yummeh!

  14. Navimie says:

    Wow. I must go try this.

  15. Kemonojin says:

    You can also prevent a can of non-diet soda exploding in your face by thumping the SIDES of the can, not the top. Tapping the top does nothing, basically, but all the bubbles waiting to erupt are clinging to the sides. If you plang it with your fingertips, they get knocked loose and collect at the top, and when you open it you get a big PSSHT but no shower.

    There’s a youtube video showing a sciencey guy (Not Bill Nye, but that sort) demonstrating on an early morning ‘news’ show. Took two cans of seltzer from a sixer, shook them both up, handed one to the hostess and demonstrated, flicking the sides six times around the circumference with a fingertip, like flicking something off your thumb. She did it too, then they poured them into glasses to show it was still fizzy. He says don’t do it with diet sodas, the chemicals in them make the foam more tenacious.

    Fat / oil makes foams collapse, which is probably at least part of why the finger works; the sides of your nose are usually the oiliest parts of your face because of the shape. But if it works from foreheads too, it probably doesn’t take much.

  16. Siobhann says:

    How did you get through college keg parties without knowing this? It salvages a badly poured cup of beer when someone screws up the tap (as usually happens).

    • bigbearbutt says:

      Was never in college… I went straight into the Marines, and we mostly used man portable libations. Like beer in cans and hard liquor.

  17. Thunderspank says:

    This has been a most instructional post. I am in your and Cassie’s debt.

  18. Barix says:

    For dealing with other people’s sodas, I found sticking in a straw and gently stirring it around helps somewhat. It’s not as effective as the finger trick but it does save some time while avoiding sanitary issues.

  19. Meheheh. My aunt taught me about this when I was, like, 6.

    Sometimes it works better than others, though. Not sure why that is. Foam density? Soda chemical composition?

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