Garrison Minions are going to be the sleeper hit of Warlords, mark my words.
Oh, that picture? Doesn’t have anything to do with the post, but it’s my dwarf monk that I’m having fun playing, and any post with dwarf monks init is like music with rocks in. It sings.
I don’t know if you’ve really thought about it yet, but in Warlords of Draenor, we are getting a new collectible, the Minion.
This collectible will work JUST LIKE PETS, with two key differences.
First, these minions will not challenge the masculinity of the average overly-sensitive prepubescent that isn’t sure if they should have something to prove in the trousers department or not, so they err on the safe side with a chip on their shoulder the size of the local lumber yard.
I like the word prepubescent, as it so accurately describes boys that are too young to have grown a thatch of pubic hair thick enough to weave a rug out of yet.
Minions will not challenge a boy’s image of manliness. They’re not collecting plush dolls to display on the bed, they don’t have to worry we’ll think they actually hold feelings for cute, cuddly little critters, even digital representations.
Oh no, far from it. These aren’t pets, these are your MINIONS, to command, to dominate, to send on tasks for you, to order into battle, to throw as grist for the mill. To task with a mission. “Minions, your orders are as follows; go out, raid, burn shit down, kill baddies and BRING ME BACK THEIR LOOT.”
This collectible will be far safer for the teen boy psyche to get into.
Second, I refer you to my last point, these minions can be sent out to bring you back shit from their raids. There will be a tangible use to them in gear or loot, and a new way to get your rear-area general dreams fulfilled.
You think rare pets sell for a lot on the auction house? You think the raid drops sell for ludicrous sums?
I swear to you, when minions drop with Warlords it will be a whole new level of amazeballs.
Right now, the pet collector market is only a portion of the total playerbase.
But Minions, OMG, this will make pets look like an untapped market RIPE for exploitation.
Auction House Mavericks and Gold Making Masters, START YOUR ENGINES.