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You know that feeling you get, when you just can’t quite remember something?

You’re sitting there eating a Filet O’ Fish sammich and watching Eraser. You see a guy, and you know him but can’t come up with the name. “Who’s that guy? Hey, Bill, who the hell is that, the guy flying the chopper. Who the hell is that? He was in that movie with Bruce Willis, you know, he was like this old spy and shit. Damnit, it’s Jim something, wtf it’s RIGHT on the tip of my tongue.”

“Come on, what’s his name, white hair, starred in Our Man Flint or Flynn or some shit back around when Spencer for Hire was on the air, you’re old, you should know this. I can’t believe I can’t remember his name, it’s right there, I can almost touch it.”

“Come on, come on…. SHIT!”

You reach for the name, or the address, or whatever it is and you really strain for it, but nothing. Your brain gets the request, looks around at the shit you’ve got up there, no organization to speak of, looks back at you and says, “Fuck you, you want me to find something around here, clean this room.”

So you get frustrated, and the smartass watching the movie with you says, “Just stop reaching for it, think about something else. It’ll come to you out of the blue. You’ll be doing something else and think you forgot and BAM! Suddenly there it is.”

So you try it.

But it doesn’t come to you out of the blue.

So, so what? You let it drop, not much else to do. Meh, wasn’t that big a deal anyway, just irritating as hell. It’s gonna bug you for the rest of the day, like a tooth that got pulled and you keep running your tongue over the spot, oh yeah, no tooth.

So it’s gone. Oh well, no big deal.

Ah, but you’re wrong, fish breath.

It IS a big deal.

That guy, the smartass that told you to go think about something else, it would come to you?

He was right, you go think about something else, and somewhere in the back of your brain some wheels are turning. There are pieces of memories flowing by and a teeny tiny piece of you is sitting tiredly on a stool, watching all that shit go by on the conveyor.

Every once in a while the bit of you thinks he sees something, reaches forward, grabs it, turns that memory around and tries to match it up with what you wanted to remember… and then tosses it back on the conveyor. “Nah, not it.”

The problem is, that teeny tiny little piece of you is gonna sit on that fucking stool looking at shit flow by until it finds the right memory for forever, or you die, whichever comes first.

Sitting right beside him on stools next to that conveyor belt are more little pieces of you, all bored off their ass and patiently looking at every damn thing in your head, waiting to match something up.

Waiting to come up with that answer.

Forever.

Now ask yourself, how many tiny little bits of you can you afford to have tied up looking through your memories for shit before the YOU that’s managing the whole warehouse runs out of bits that can do any real thinking?

The older you get, the more of these pieces of you get tied up trying to come up with the name of that actor you loved that starred in a TV show in the seventies about a magician detective.

And you’ve got no control over it.

I’m telling you, this is serious shit, SERIOUS SHIT.

If you don’t nip this in the bud, if you let it go, I’m warning you, you’ll be as completely fucking useless as I am by the time you’re 40.

And nobody wants that, least of all you.

So get off your ass and bookmark IMDB.com, make sure you’ve got Google hotkeyed in your smartphone, and don’t let it go.

Whatever it is, don’t let it go. Answer that question. If someone tries to tell you to blow it off, it’ll come to you, tell them, “Shut up, I have to find out what the name of that damn Ewok was that Leia kissed, damnit, if’n I don’t remember I’ll end up just as stupid as Bear!”

Seriously. Nobody wants that.

Comments 7 Comments »

I’m about done with April Fools as a thing, since most folks I’m seeing on the internet seem to see it as an excuse to be assholes.

As if anyone needs an excuse, right?

Still, some bits are funny.

I loved the lighthearted and sometimes pointed references to concerns past and present in the Blizzard Warlords 6.0 patch notes, I think they were awesome and fun. I really liked them, and I was surprised by how a lot of the remarks felt, well, spot on. Like a private in-joke for those of us that have been deeply involved with WoW for years, and know all the trials and complaints and outright begging and bitching we’ve endured over the years.

I won’t dwell on the negatives much, although I do want to call out The TV Addict website for being outright assholes. No, really, fuck you.

Through all of the troll lol lolling, there has to be a winner, though.

I hereby present my vote for the most surprising laugh-out-loud April Fool moment today;

Ladies and gentleorcs, I hereby present to you my UI when I logged in a few minutes ago;

elvui_helloaprilfools

 

I use ElvUI for a complete UI replacement, and I love it dearly. I LOVE having the mix of standard button bars and the health bars bottom center, and basically everything being where I’m looking so I’m never called to look to upper left to check status or health or whatever.

Little did I suspect, when I installed my UI that I was soon to be on my way to Hello Kitty Island Adventure.

What you don’t see in this screenshot is, those little kitties are dancing. Yes, they’re animated.

OMG so cute!

Even after the day I’ve had, this put a big smile on my face. Well done, ElvUI. Well done.

Comments 8 Comments »

Don’t ask me why, but I got a wild hair up my ass about getting the legendary cloak on my Hunter.

No, not the new Horrible Hordie, I mean on my happytime Alliance hunter, Beartrap.

Beartrap, who had been my main bear all the way through the Isle of Thunder, only to be dropped like a mortar base plate during a 20 mile forced march in favor of my shiny new Warlock.

Poor Beartrap had reached 14 of the Secrets of the Empire out of 20 Mr. pencil-necked pipsqueak Wrathion wanted. And I was already exalted with the little twerp, too! So close, but no orange meta gem.

Poor, poor Beartrap.

This could not be borne any longer!

Also, I’ve run out of anything in the game to do that holds any interest for me. Never before have I felt this complete sense of “who gives a shit about WoW, there’s nothing to do” like I do right now. Even during the long stretch of Dragon Soul raiding in Cataclysm I didn’t feel this sense of having nothing left to do.

Just… blah. If this is how I feel now, I am pretty sure I’m not making it to a fall/winter expansion release without unsubbing for the summer.

But there is still this one thing. I could finish out the legendary cloak on Beartrap before I make a decision.

Who knows, I could find a renewed sense of purpose in the game, I could become reinvigorated by the world and fall in love anew with soaring across and Azerothian skies.

And pigs could fly out my butt from all the bacon I eat.

This last weekend I decided to see if I could get any of the missing secrets. I did this by subjecting myself to LFR over, and over, and over. Late last night I endured Lei Shen attempts over and over and over, but at the end of it all 20 were mine!

Now to stick a harpoon up a flying serpent’s ass and run like hell.

Chain running LFR has left me feeling a little sick after witnessing the fruits of the boosted 90 program.

I’m glad the mechanics worked out well, and I get that saying “get your max level character now!” has more punch than “get your 85 and then quest to earn those last five levels so you get some idea WTF you’re doing.”

It still remains that I have never seen so many people, shiny and new, bravely setting out into the world of LFR with no idea how much crap they’re getting into.

It is always painful to see innocense lost.

Hunters seem to be the class that are the most obvious offenders. They have talents and spells that damn near shout ‘I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m in your raid!”

I see Aspect of the Pack left up all the time now.

One person left it up for an entire boss fight, on the Dark Shaman encounter. Entire fight, same hunter left it active the entire time. My UI let’s me see the name of the buff provider when I mouseover, so there was no mystery here. Whispers, ENDLESS whispers throughout the fight to please turn Aspect of the Pack off went ignored.

Others weren’t so kind. I tried to get them to take it off by whisper, but once the tanks figured out who had the buff up, it got ugly and public.

The person never did take it down. We wiped at about 5%, and everyone stood around until the hunter could be kicked from the raid.

I can easily picture them not knowing how to respond to /i chat, or know how to chat at all, or know which button clicks off an Aspect since it’s not like a normal spell.

As bad as that sounds, there is the case of the hunter I met in the first wing of Siege LFR.

During the Fallen Protectors, I noticed this one hunter had a cute wolf pet, and it stayed by his side the entire fight.

I didn’t say anything, we were busy, and maybe they were Survival and didn’t really feel they needed their pet for max deeps.

After the Protectors, on the way to Norushen I checked the damage logs, and they had about 35k DPS. That seemed… a mite low. Not as low as the 20k warrior I saw that stood in ALL the bad, and didn’t understand why they kept dying, but still bad.

So I whispered them, and suggested they change their pet to active because it could add a lot to their DPS.

The person was grateful for my advice. They had never played before, never heard of websites about WoW, bought the game because they could play at max level, excited to raid like they’d always heard of, and were afraid of doing the wrong thing. So they had the pet on follow and passive so as not to cause trouble or do the wrong thing. Did I have any tips?

I tried to help them as best I could, and they seemed very nice. They wanted to play, but didn’t really understand how anything worked so they shut stuff down if they were afraid it might cause problems.

Compare that to the other hunters I saw that left Growl on all the time, but still.

It makes me sad. It’s nice that there are boosted 90s available to bring people into the game, add more subscriptions right when things seem boring as hell for the next 6 months or more without anything new to do. OMG.

I don’t feel that’s it’s doing much of a service for that the new player when there is nothing in game to specifically help them understand what to do with the level 90 now that they got it.

I think the implementation was miles short of being done well. To do something like that and do it well would have taken a revamped version of their ‘challenge modes’ specifically designed to ease a new level 90 healer, tank or DPS through the basics of their class.

A ton of work? Sure. Work that in my mind was necessary. Too late now, but if it was too much effort to do that for the brand new player that never heard of the game before, then they shouldn’t have given free boosts with the purchase of the expansion. Leave it an in-game purchase for existing players.

This is the time, above all others, when those ‘welcome to WoW’ guilds that Blizzard had been building on the servers would do the most good. A place new players could be nughed where they could be told where to find those websites, a place to ask questions without ridicule or embarassment.

Too bad that program fell by the wayside.

I see a lot of trying in LFR. A lot of willingness to give it a solid go, stick with it and win. There seem to be more pleasant attitudes than ever before, at least if this entire last weekend was any indication.

Not from everyone, though. Oh, no.

You’ll be happy to know there are still plenty of asshats that are all about themselves and the ‘go go go we’ve been waiting 15 seconds I’m going to pull for you’ bullshit, and who haven’t adjusted to the fact we’ve got a new generation of player we need to bring up to speed. Or who simply don’t give a shit.

I actually saw it last night on Lei Shen. Three wipes, lost a bunch of people, one of the new DPS that came in (along with a change of tanks and healers) literally posted a stopwatch of 0:17 and said ‘go go go what are you waiting for’ and then ran and pulled.

Didn’t even have groups set up with healers in them for the platforms yet. Lovely little wipe. Did it take more than 17 seconds to recover from the wipe? Yes, I think it did. Did that person give a shit? Of course not.

Bottom line, I have never been embarassed to play World of Warcraft before, but trying to see the game through the eyes of a new player, seeing how these oh-so-vocal ‘experienced’ players talk and act has finally gotten me to that point.

I’m starting to come around to thinking that if people like that are going to be the most prominent part of every group activity, vocal and proud of it, then I feel embarassed to admit I play World of Warcraft. I already feel like I have to whisper people to tell them ‘all players aren’t really like that’.

Especially when I wonder if that is still true.

All I know anymore is me and thee, and I’m not so sure about thee.

Comments 6 Comments »

Be a bear! Be a bear!
Show them all that you don’t care.
Nap all winter if you want to,
Who would dare disturb your lair?

I could not be who I am if I didn’t tell you about this MOST EXCELLENT Kickstarter project; The Bear Simulator.

Finally, the internet has achieved it’s final form – we can fund what matters most in life.

Some fools thought what is best in life was to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

Bearshit.

What matters most is funding what we want; a game where we are a real bear.

We have come full circle, you and I.

Our natural enemy started strong with Big Game Hunter, letting them feel like they were somehow superior, but the circle of life demands balance.

And bears. Lots of bears.

To quote the Kickstarter project description,

It’s like a mini Skyrim but you’re a bear.

Even better. It’s already fully funded.

This isn’t vaporware, this isn’t an imaginary dream or a cautionary tale, this is a BIG BEAR DERRIERE wandering all up in your vale. Er, valley.

So go! What the hell are you waiting for? Are you going to let some damn GOAT take all the glory?

Fuck goats!

And if you’re a bear, you can, because who the hell is going to stop a bear from doing whatever it wants?

GO!

GO GET YOUR NAME ON THE BIG BEAR WALL!

Comments 4 Comments »

Okay, I might have written my last post a bit too soon.

Right after I published, I logged in to enjoy a bit more BlasterBunny hijinks.

Almost immediately, I unlocked a new ability.

A pet!

A BOT BUDDY!

And guess what?

It’s a tank!

I played with my new bot buddy, and after another level, guess what guys, OMG guys, guess what guess what…

MORE BOT BUDDIES!

This time, an artillery bot buddy!

It tells me I am only allowed to have two bots up at the same time.

Only two.

ONLY. TWO. BOT. BUDDIES.

BOTBUDDIES

There ain’t no ‘only’ to be found here.

Ahem.

SAY HELLO TO MY LEETLE FRIENDS.

Comments 5 Comments »

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