The idea was, come up with your own ideas of epic level class abilities that could compete in awesomeness with the proposed possible maybe kinda hopefully hunter Stampede.

Here are the ideas the two winners came up with;

From Thelandira; 
My suggestions for an “OP”, or “Special”, ability for all classes:

General rules across all classes
* None of the following abilities can be used during Heroism, Bloodlust, etc or in conjunction with other cooldowns.
* All abilities are active for 15 seconds with a 10 minute cooldown.
* Player takes no damage, or suffers no pushback, for duration of ability.

Hunter – All Specs – Stampede
• Calls out all 5 pets at once
• Pets limited to basic attack (smack, bite, claw) and one special (toss, lockjaw, rabid, etc.)
• This is a channeled ability and pets do 200% of Hunter’s AP in damage (200% damage is combined and not for each pet)

Warlock – All Specs – Demonic Force
• Calls out all demons to targeted area, except Infernal and Doomguard
• Demons limited to basic attack and one special
• This is a channeled ability and demons do 200% of Warlock’s SP in damage (200% damage is combined and not for each demon)

Mage – All Specs – Mirrored Mirage
• Calls forth 6 images of Mage to targeted area
• Images mimick Mage’s attacks/spells but Mage’s SP is reduced by 50%, while images receive no reduction…Or
• This is a channeled ability and images do 200% of Mage’s SP in damage for their normal attack/spell (200% damage is combined and not for each image)

Shaman – All Specs – Mother Nature’s Fury
• Drop a totem that is immune to all types of damage that calls forth a Wind, Water, Fire and Earth Elemental
• Elementals do damage based on 200% of Shaman’s AP/SP
• Shaman’s AP/SP reduced by 50% while totem is active, but Elementals receive no reduction
• For Resto Shamans this totem could just increase the Shaman’s SP by 200% for duration since Restos don’t necessarily need Elementals to do damage. Or, it could still summon one of each of the above Elementals that would provide 200% resistance for raid/party dependant on type of Elemental (Fire Ele for Fire resist, Wind for Shadow resist, Water for Frost resist and Earth for Nature resist).

Druid – All Specs – Forestation
• Calls forth 6 Treants to fight along side Druid with a special attack based on Druid’s current spec
• Feral = Whipping Limbs – Treants lash out with branches doing damage based on 200% of Druid’s AP (200% damage is combined and not for each treant)
• Balance = Burning Branches – Treants cast Wrath and damage is based on 200% of Druid’s SP (200% damage is combined and not for each treant)
• Restoration = Falling Leaves – Treants shower raid/party, within 35 yards, with “falling leaves” healing them based on 200% of Druid’s SP (200% is combined and not for each treant)
• Druid is still able to attack/heal during duration at a 50% reduction in AP/SP, but treants receive no reduction…Or,
• This is a channeled ability and treants do 200% of Druid’s AP/SP in damage/healing (200% damage is combined and not for each treant)

Death Knight – All Specs – Legion of Death
• Calls forth a “Legion of Death” (similar to Army of the Dead) but they only attack the target that the DK is attacking/targeting.
• Legion mimicks the DK’s attacks and they do 200% of DK’s AP in damage
• DK’s AP is reduced by 50%, but Legion receives no reduction

Paladin – All Specs – Hand of God (or replace “God” with whatever name of a WoW God fits best with Paladins…I’m not familiar with WoW lore)
• Paladin casts an improved version of Consecration that does 200% of Paladin’s AP/SP in damage/healing
• Paladin can move while ability is active and Consecration follows Paladin
• Damage/Healing affects all targets within 20 yards of Paladin

From Saffron;

For Druids,

Strength of the Ancients
Guardian: Tortolla
Balance: Aviana
Feral: Goldrinn
Restoration: Aessina

The long-lost strength and fury of the Ancients of old is summoned to your side, enhancing your shapeshift forms. Guardians change into a massive turtle, massively reducing damage done to them (70%? 80%) for however many seconds. Balance turn into ancient stormcrows, causing lightning to strike the ground around them. Feral changes into wolves and summon a pack of wolves to swarm their target. Restoration causes the earth around them to explode with life (something like that vanity item from the Molten Front) doing some sort of healingy thingy!

As stated a few times before, while these ideas were awesome, actual winners were picked based on very, very scientific principles. Very. No, really. There was, like, maths and stuff involved. Charts. Math and charts.

Congratulations to both our winners, and thank you to everyone that came up with cool, awesome and fun ideas. I enjoyed reading them all, and I hope you had fun coming up with them.

Someone may even be wearing a big reflective disc on a band around their head, or have a strange machine that focuses on an eye and magnifies it for display.

“Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. You are reading comments for a contest and the writer did not mention Druids. Describe in simple words how you feel about… the writer?”

“The writer? You want to know how I feel about the writer??”

*bang!* *bang-bang!*

But seriously folks, all of your comments were fun and enjoyable, including the ones that weren’t suggestions but were made for fun in the conversation, like wanting Druids to be able to fish in forms. It’s going to be hard to pick just two to offer stuff from the store, and when I do announce the names, please don’t take it as my not liking your idea, it’ll just be that I have to make a choice, and the comments that will be at the top are those that in all ways follow as closely as possible what I asked for.

Then those names will go in a hat, and Alex will pick two. 

That’s right! Blame the boy!

Oh, and if you didn’t know there even WAS a contest… well, guess you shoulda read the whole bearwall, huh? He he he.

This time I was sure I could break the chain. I hate being predictable.

For the most part I eschew discussing the meatier news that comes out of a ‘con, because I know that by the time an actual PTR hits the potential delicious entree of awesome will turn into a bland tidbit of taste, if it doesn’t evaporate entirely like dry ice first.

This time I knew that people wouldn’t rise to the usual bait of BlizzCons past, getting frenzied from speculation and building castles made of sand from the cool-sounding ideas that were tossed out off the cuff.

I had faith in the cynicism of my peers in WoWland. Wiser heads shall prevail.

Time to throw that caber by the wayside, because they just keep pushing and pushing this one potential piece of kickass thought out in Blue posts, and I’m seeing excitement ramping up fast. Cool your jets.

From this Blue post by Kaivax;

Here is a Ghostcrawler quote for you –

“One of the potential ideas we’re considering for a new hunter ability is one where they send all 5 of their current pets to attack, for a short period of time, on a long cooldown. No guarantees that we’ll go with it, but we’re at least considering something like that.”

Um, what? Okay, am I awake? Or did I dream reading that just now? They don’t honestly expect me to believe they would really do that, right?

Further comments from Kaivax keep appearing, fanning the idea as though this were really under consideration.

We’re talking about something that is completely hypothetical, so anything is possible.

I personally would want the ability to call the five pets that I actually have on hand at the time, since that would give me control over what everyone sees when I send out the stampede.

Furthermore, it makes a lot of sense for the spell effects to not vary much from hunter to hunter, so special abilities would be right out, *but* I wouldn’t mind seeing the pets going through their best motions.

Okay, Hunters? All of you but most especially Beastmasters that are following this and saying “Oh please oh please oh please?!?”

Take a deep breath.

Is it an idea worthy of excitement? Yes, of course it is, because it fires the imagination. If you dwell on the potential of Stampede as described and as hoped by Kaivax, if you start thinking about what pets you’d want in your stable to be called out by the spell, say a pack of five wolves, or a pride of powerful pussycats, or a who’s who of various T-rexes, or even one of every kind of spirit beast, why you can just go on like this for days.

That is exactly what makes a spell like Stampede the msot dangerous in terms of unwonted enthusiasm. The base idea allows for us to take it and run with it, getting all excited as we mentally explore the possibilities for us to make it our own within their framework.

Let me remind you of another BlizzCon, and another concept tossed out that fired our imagination.

Titan’s Grip.

They just tossed out this idea, Warriors could dual wield TWO HANDED WEAPONS as their max class talent. Isn’t that awesome? And now moving on to other boring things as though we never said that…

Credit to Blizzard, in the end they went through with Titan’s Grip. We can dual wield two handers. And yes, I did originally level my Warrior as Fury simply because of my enthusiasm inspired by that idea.

But what really happened?

When it was first implemented, it was just as incredibly OP as we all expected. It was amazing. And if you’re badass enough to dual wield two-handed weapons while Whirlwinding, shouldn’t you expect it to be?

But what happened next?

Balancing.

Which meant, after unleashing the full might of Titan’s Grip on the PTR, came the inevitable reigning it in and bringing it in line so as not to be too OP in overall DPS compared to other classes, who didn’t all get the same level of awesome.

They built in a big miss percentage, then brought it back down. Then they just nerfed overall damage output by 10%, then brought that back up.

The point to carry away from Titan’s Grip from first mention to final iteration, is that YES, we did get Titan’s Grip, BUT don’t go into it imagining that the pony or moose you thought you were promised will be what you actually get at the end of the 5.0 PTR cycle.

There is the first awesome idea, but there WILL come the inevitable balancing. Especially if the other classes don’t get something comparable.

Think of Titan’s Grip, and Stampede, and then think of the challenge that Blizzard faces with Mists of Pandaria.

It’s a challenge of bringing the awesome. They have to do it equally for all God’s children.

Blizzard is mommy and daddy, and the players are the kids. Mists of Pandaria is Christmas (or your festive gift-giving season of choice).

Blizzard CANNOT give one kid an Xbox 360, and give the rest slipper socks. Well, they could, with the sure and certain knowledge that the rest of the kids will cry and cry and cry.

Whatever brilliant idea for a class ability that Blizzard may have, they know going in that if they don’t bring equal levels of awesome to ALL the other classes, they WILL hear about it later in the forums, at BlizzCon Q&As, on blogs, wherever.

So even putting aside the issue of class balance and having a button that sics FIVE Hunter pets on a target to nom nom nom them, by bringing out Stampede, Blizzard would be committing to coming up with at least one new class-specific ability for every other class that would be just as freaking awesome. And then balancing ALL of them.

PLUS a new Race and Class thrown in!

Now, between you and me, I feel that setting the goal of coming up with awesome new kickass OMIGOD stuff should be at the top of the brainstorming board.

You shouldn’t set yourself the goal of ‘meeting expectations with more of the same’. Not when you are bringing the next expansion to your product. It should be, dare I say it, expansive? You should be challenging yourself to push the limits, to make your customers say, “Holy shit, that is going to ROCK!!”

Stampede, on the Hunter front, is one of those things that, as a Hunter, you would say, “Holy shit, that would totally ROCK!”

I truly hope that Blizzard really is keeping silent on core class abilities because they are trying to dream up that one special class ability for each class that all specs can share, available at max level, that is a Stampede-level holy shit “that is so going to ROCK!” moment.

That is what I hope.

But these are hopes and dreams and wishes and wingéd goldfish. They are the stuff of candyfloss and hot summer days you wish would last forever.

Don’t build it up too much in your mind. Any dreaming done now, any plans and speculation made based on BlizzCon statements or Blue posts is not just premature but counter-productive. 

Whatever Blizzard creates will have to be balanced so it is not OP for burst damage in PvP, and so it does not bring that class higher in average overall DPS in comparison to other classes. So go ahead and dream of useful and fun and neat abilities, but keep your expectations in check.

Mists of Pandaria seems very ambitious in scope, so I think they are committed to building and improving WoW for at least the next few years, new MMO or no new MMO on the horizon. They might do a Stampede and a whole lot more for all classes.

But please, just relax for now. Get interested, but don’t get all crazy. We’ve been here before, we’ve seen the attempts to build early buzz in the month RIGHT before a massive new competitor MMO gets released.

Don’t buy into it until you see the five pets rush out on the screen and eat the entrails of your enemies like so much colored licorice.

I guess, what I’m trying to say here, is;

Don’t believe the hype!

I wonder, wouldn’t it be fun to have a thread requesting players to come up with their own wild ideas for new, outrageous class abilities in keeping with the spirit of Stampede? I mean, the hardest part is coming up with the creative idea, the implementation is, as John Ringo might say, ‘fiddly bits’.

Do you think you can do as good or better for your class? Do you think you can come up with that ‘holy shit that would ROCK!’ ability for your class to be on the same plane as Hunters with Stampede?

Tell you what. Contest right now say what?

Post your own imaginative idea for a new outrageous (but possible, damnit make it possible!) class ability in the comments down below, one that could hold it’s own in awesome with Stampede, and I will pick a couple of my favorites to give Big Bear Butt cafepress t-shirts to. I might use some real scientific and fair method of picking the winners, such as random number generators, or reading them all aloud to my 8 year old boy and letting him pick the ones he likes best, so you’re warned.

You want in? You’ve got until next Friday, November 18th, to make your comment on this post. Go for it!

And no, this totally is not a test to see who read all the way to the end of the Bearwall. Would I do that?

Personally, I’d have used some dice, but then again… I’ve got a lot of dice. Hmmm. Actually, remembering some of the gamers I’ve known, I don’t have a lot of dice. I only have one large tackle box full. I’ve known gamers with far more than that. Perhaps I should simply say that I have a wide variety of potential high rollers to choose from and leave it at that.

However they did it, your comments were counted, the names were entered, and the winner has been chosen.

Congratulations goes to the lucky winner, Ken R!

Ken R left the following winning comment on the original post;

Ken, I’m emailing you as we speak to get you all set up with Maxim.

For those of you that had commented on the post to enter the drawing, Maxim would like to offer you a a special two (2) MONTHS of free premium hosting on Enjin’ Advanced plan, which comes with a 10 man mumble server.

To take advantage of that offer, all you need to do is create a website on Enjin.com, and then send Maxim an email at info@enjin.com with the Subject “Big Bear butt commenter – your commenter name”.

In the body of your email, let Maxim know the details of the guild website account you created, and he’s told me that he’ll take it from there.

With that, I’m calling this drawing completed, and hopefully a success.

Good luck to everyone that entered, and especially a great good fortune to Ken, who I hope will enjoy the website and server with his friends for the entire year to come.

Good night!

Yes, my friends, I am still the Bear. Don’t let the concept of a prize giveaway scare you. I haven’t changed anything, still no paid ads, nothing like that.

What has happened is that Maxim of Enjin.com contacted me, and let me know he’d be willing to giveaway a prize pack of the services they offer to one of my readers… no strings attached. Gratis. Just, hey, check out these cool folks and see what they do, and somebody gets a hellaciously sweet prize of guild website design and hosting, and a 25 person Mumble voice server for a year… free.

Pretty sweet offer, right?

Now, we’re all fellow travellers on what the ancients still persist in calling the information superhighway.

I personally like to call it “this new thing of ours”, and I say it in a suitably Machiavellian, Godfather type of voice. I think it deserves that level of implied menace, considering the all-pervading evil that is spam that spreads wherever the internet reaches.

Back on point, we’re all experienced purveyors of internet culture here. We know the drill. Person has popular website and craves pagehits, company has product they’d like to get in front of desired demographic reader eyeballs, so company offers prize giveaway. Website is giving away free loots, people are drawn to website through word of mouth, company gets eyeballs on datas, website gets pagehits, somebody gets loots, everybody wins.

Right?

That plan kinda falls apart when I consider that I don’t really want more strange people reading the blog. I like YOU folks who read now, you’re all really cool. Yes, even you. Your comments are fun and make me think or teach me new things, or point out new music, books or movies for me to check out. Heck, without you, I never would have developed my obsession for Top Gear. And some of your emails of encouragement, you know, it really gets to me sometimes. I certainly feel I get a lot more out of our relationship than you do.

But these giveaway things… you offer free stuffs, and next thing you know you start attracting strangers into the mix, it all becomes serious business, and people start expecting you to, like, perform or something.

For the record, if you’re a new reader, we don’t play that silly ‘content’ game around these parts. Way i see it, if you want some actual content worth reading, hey… that’s what the other bloggers are for. I’m just here for… you know, why am I here? I never stopped to think about that before… hmm. You know, now that I think about it, I have no idea what I’m doing here.

Oh wait… to give Cassie documented evidence for any future court procedings.

Like I said, Maxim offered a really sweet prize pack for one of my readers, out of the blue.

I thought that was really damn nice of him, I may not want stuff myself, but I’m ALL for giving stuff to readers.

So, I told him to fire up a solid, professional, “all in” presentation explaining the services they offer. The way I figure it, if he’s going to give someone a nice prize package, the least I can do is give him a strong opportunity to say everything that he’d like to say to potential new customers.

So here’s Maxim, to tell you all about Enjin.com and the services they can provide for your guild website and Mumble voice server needs.

At the end, Maxim will explain what you have to do in order to be entered and eligible to win the prize. Don’t fret none; all it really consists of is leaving an appropriate comment to this post, explaining why you think your guild should win the prize. That’s not all that hard to do, right?

Having once set up a guild website and voice server before, I certainly know how expensive it can be, but how critical it is to fostering that feeling of teamwork and togetherness you want in a strong, happy guild that raids. So, thank you very much to Maxim for his generosity, and good luck to all readers that leave comments to enter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey everyone!

My name is Maxim, I’m the lead designer and co-founder of www.enjin.com. Firstly I’d like to say a big thanks to John for letting me talk about Enjin. At the end of this post we are giving away a prize of 1 year hosting on our Ultimate plan + a 25 slot voice Mumble server.

So what is Enjin? Enjin was built with one goal in mind, to be the most flexible and feature rich guild hosting platform on the web, especially for World of Warcraft.

What makes Enjin better than the other services, or rolling your own site? We are obsessed about quality, that’s why we have spent years perfecting the ultimate guild platform with high-end tools and continual integration with the latest WoW features. We do our best to give guild masters the power to create the most unique community website possible with absolute ease. Here are some of our feature highlights:

Total creative control. Customize everything.
Get the deepest level of control over any pages on your website.
Drag-and-Drop any content you want anywhere on your pages with our easy-to-use page editor.

Blazing Fast & Full Featured Forums
Your community will love it. Top-of-the-line, feature rich, robust and fast. It’s
fully integrated with your website for easy management and customization.

Stunning Customizable Themes
Select from a huge variety of stunning World of Warcraft themes.
Create your own WoW themes with our in-depth easy to use Theme Editor.

DKP & Raid Management
Top-of-the-line Raid & Loot management system. Includes support for EPGP, Zero Sum, Loot-council, Simple DKP, Suicide Kings, Head Count. Including XML imports and WoW item support.

Raid & Event manager
Featuring the most advanced raid planner online. Sync directly with the WoW armory calendar.

WoW specific Widgets
Track your Boss Progressions, display your guild level and wow progress rankings and much more.

Advanced Gallery
Create albums, quickly add captions, order albums and images with drag and drop controls. Tag images with your game characters and much more.

Mumble voice hosting with premium plans
Crystal clear voice hosting + automatic integration with your site users.

Here’s a few featured guilds on Enjin already:

Winds of Creation (http://windsofcreation.enjin.com)
Escendia (http://www.escendia.com)
Imperium Guild (http://www.imperiumhq.com)

And now for the prize details;

We are giving away an Ultimate Plan + 25 man mumble voice server for 1 year (valued at $350).

It’s easy to win! All you need to do is leave a comment to this post giving your reason why your guild should win the prize. 

At the end of one week from when this post goes live, we will randomly select a winner.

If you miss out on the prize, no worries, just email us at info at enjin.com and mention Big Bear Butt and I’d be happy to give anyone 1 free month of premium hosting.

Hope to see you on www.enjin.com soon!

Congratulation go to our two winners!

In first place, as determined by your votes, is David the Fireballing Mad Science Teacher, you clearly struck a nerve with the evil gleeam in your eye. Or was that just reflected fire?

In second place with a commanding following was Wren for his stirring composition highlighting his urge to experiment on anything that comes near him… I have to wonder if he experimented on himself first to make sure it was safe BEFORE modifying his cat Wendy, or if it was the other way around.

I prefer to think that he modded himself first. That’s just how I roll. :)

As the winners, both of these fine folks will have Girl Genius volume 1: Agatha Heterodyne and the Beetleburg Clank winging their way to their respective doorsteps.

I’d like to thank all of the contestants for their fine work and urge to mad science, and for taking the time to get involved and have fun. I really liked all of your submissions.

Really, thank you all.

And to my readers who voted, a hearty thank you as well!

Just as I’d hoped, the entries were fun, free spirited, inventive and cool. I couldn’t be happier. You’re gonna love ‘em.

Here’s the deal. I’m going to post the entries, along with a brief description from the creator. At the end of the post, once you’ve seen all five entries, there will be a poll. Sinply choose your favorite.

The top two poll fan favorites will be declared winners one and two, I will mail them their prizes, and everyone gets the recognition they deserve for their awesome ideas.

First contestant:
Robotic Wren and Wendy

This is my hopefully “good” entry, me (Wren) and my cyber-kitty Wendy. My wife did all the photo work, while me and the kitty got to play dress up!

Second contestant:
David the Fireballing Mad Science Teacher

My alter ego is that of a science teacher :) Somehow I’ve convinced a reputable organization to allow me the responsibility of crafting the minds of their young ones. I haven’t put too much effort into learning how to photoshop my pics, so I’d like to send in a real one. A student got a great shot of me in the prep room at school one day.

This shot is my facebook profile pic and most of my WoW friends have made some mage jokes. The coolest thing about it is the look on people’s face when they see you do this for the first time. The second coolest thing though is launching huge fireballs off of your hands.

I haven’t done any digital alteration of this picture save for maybe adjusting contrast or lighting.

I like to think that I have a bit of an alter ego when I’m at work in front of young minds, and I think some of them may see me as a bit of a mad scientist. If they think it’s cool and keep exploring science, then I’ve done my job. Hope you like the picture, Dave.

Third contestant:
Commander Braithwick and the Ghost of Hades by Ron Ward

Due to the length of Ron’s text story entry, I’ve placed it at the very end of this post (after the poll), and you can read it, in full, by clicking on the “more” tab.

Fourth contestant:
Mad Science Mech Mouse! by Tesh

This is an idea I’ve been sitting on for a while, and just finally put into digital paint tonight. There’s no background; I tried but couldn’t find anything I liked that would fit into the schedule I have. ;)

So, here’s hoping you like it! There’s definitely some backstory here, but in a nutshell, this is a small autonomous ‘bot that has managed to scavenge some repair parts… of bone. It’s best not to ask quite what critters died to provide this little ‘bot with its gear, or how they died. It’s enough to know this is a scavenger ‘bot in the deadlands of the Northwatch. Well, that, or nightmare fuel like the stuff in the 9 movie. Later, Tesh

Fifth contestant:
The Fruit-Fed DeLorean by Symbiode

I made this the other day in Garry’s Mod, then I remembered you had a contest (or your blog reminded me ;) ). It seemed Mad Science-ey enough, hope you like it!

Okay, that’s all five contestants’ entries. I think you’ll agree, they all show creative, inventive mad science flair. :) Now it’s time for you to do your part… vote for your favorite! The poll will be up until Tuesday night January 25th (midnight Central US time)

(polls)

Commander Braithwick and the Ghost of Hades by Ron Ward

            The summons came from the president himself. The envelope marked URGENT addressed to Commander William Braithwick. With trepidation, the large man slid his finger in tore the note open. A little folded not fell out on the floor, along with a hard candy, the mint shattered. The assassin reached down picked up the letter and began to read.

Dear Serge:

“Sorry last time we spoke you asked me to call you Billy.”

Only two people knew Serge was still alive, the president and Richard Savage. The president because the assassin worked directly for the leader of the free world, Savage is another ‘shade’ working to protect the American people. Richard saved Serge’s life, smuggled him out of Eastern Europe and introduced him to his greatest love, American football. Commander Braithwick did not know Richard’s real name.

The text after the two pages of pleasantries the president was infamous for read. “You are assigned to interview and hire Professor Mendok. Once ‘hired’ deliver the professor to 58 Abethny Park west of Ogden, Utah. A dirigible will be waiting for you it will speed you to your final destination. Please make sure the good doctor understands he is free to pursue any line of inquiry he finds attractive.

 Do not take time to pack anything from the university labs. We believe we have anticipated the Professors needs as far as equipment.  I need you with your usual grace, to make sure any collateral damage is easily blamed on the Eastern Europeans. Translation “you are free to act like a bull in a china closet as long as you leave a furry hat behind.”

Serge hated escort quests. They were always more complicated than simple assassination assignments. The problem was Commander Braithwick loathed conversation with strangers. Conversation with strangers should be an elbow smash followed by a head butt finished with a good old fashioned right cross. Not, are you ready then, we need to move please, no you cannot bring your damn cat.

 Damn’d thing was there was a scrum on The Commons this afternoon. Big John Gallagher and ‘Stinky” McAlester would be expecting “Braithwick the Eliminator” to show up. The three of them worked well together under the new Boston Rules. Big John and Braithwick breaking open the opposing line and Stinky fearlessly ducking under, over and around all attackers. For a few minutes, Serge considered leaving the president service and concentrating full time on football.

Richard Savage did not stand for desertion, his perception of quitting was running away. Mr. Savage scared Serge, and that took some doing.  Big John and Stinky would have to make due on the Commons until this thing with Professor Mendok came to its conclusion. In apology, The Eliminator stopped into McFlinty’s and paid for two rounds each for the boys. Angus McFlinty was the unofficial captain of the ball club and owner of the official team bar. Serge wondered if anybody went by his or her real name in America.

****************************************************************************

“The professor is busy Mr. Braithwick; he left strict instruction no one is to be allowed in until the Chinese arrive to transport the laboratory.”

“Its Commander Braithwick miss, and I am determined. Tell me where the professor has his digs and get out of the way.”

“I do not work for you. I work for the university, Co-Man-Der Braithwick and I will do no such thing. Now leave before I call the police.”

“This is a matter of National Security miss, if I don’t have those directions in the next two second you will be spending whatever time you have left in Fort Leavenworth Prison.”

“Women are not welcome in Leavenworth you lousy liar. I do not know who you think you are but I will not jeopardize my job on your say-so provide some identification or leave.”

Serge turned and stepped away from the desk. Looking out the corner of his eye he waited until the woman focused on her typewriter. One quick sharp punch behind the ear and she was out. Serge grabbed the map the secretary had pinned up behind her desk. Professor Mendok’s suite was marked do not disturb. If my eyes were, better I would not have had to knock her out Braithwick mussed as he followed the secretary’s map to Mendok’s laboratory.

By now the ball game had started. Braithwick loved the smell of the saddle soap rubbed into the leather helmet. Almost as much as the sachet of bloody noses, mud and grass. The directions were simple enough forward pass two hallways then left until the hall ends. The Professor had a large suite of rooms for his use. The Eliminator found himself standing outside a door marked Confidential. How could a room be confidential, what the hell did that mean? Serge tried the door, locked. The lights were off, no sound in the suite. The secretary’s words hit home, until the Chinese get here. Until this moment, Commander Braithwick had ignored the elephant in the closet. The Chinese were after the Professor and the American government did not want Mendok working for the any Asians. The fur-lined hat in Serge’s coat would still confuse the local cops.

Breaking a window out is harder than most people think. Not hard if you are equipped with a hammer but difficult when, all you have is your fist. The furry hat and a precisely executed punch opened a jagged hole in the window of the door.

“Shh, please I am at a crucial moment here.”

The accent sounded Romanian or Ukrainian. Chinese coming for an Eastern European professor, the urge to run became strong. On the other hand, the likelihood of blood flowing soon was high. If Serge was going to miss the game, he might as well get in a fight. 

“Uhh Professor Mendok?”

“Yes, Yes of course, now shush!”

“Not even my mother” Serge never finished his sentence. A tiny little fist flew out of the darkness and through the broken window landing square on “The Eliminators” nose. Commander Braithwick fell back on his ass surprised more than hurt. The door now marked Confide opened, a midget and a beautiful girl wearing glowing goggles and a football helmet walked out into the hallway.

“Didn’t you hear the professor, moron.” The short man yelled stalking up the Commander, fists balled for a brawl. “He specifically mentioned crucial moment”

“Yes but I am here on the President’s orders.”

“Boo Hoo Hoo,” said a large charcoal Persian cat walking out of the dark toward the fallen assassin.

“What kind of loony bin is this?” Serge shouted he could not take his eyes off the girl wearing the leather cap. Try as he might he could not wipe the shit eating grin off his mug. Serge’s gaze fell to the girl’s chest but did not find much. The Commander forced his stare to jump back to her face before she could catch him. To the assassin’s embarrassment, he repeated the action until he was caught red handed. The solider felt as if he were performing some kind of magic, look away, the chest will expand, but the spell did not work. “Oh well” he said in his mind, “tits aren’t everything. The girl is wearing a football helmet.” 

“Jiggles please finish your assignment, the boys can handle the intruder.” The woman stomped her foot and turned away disgusted. Maybe just maybe the disgust was with her orders and had nothing to do with a stranger searching her chest for any sign of life. Serge wished the glowing goggles were not covering her eyes. The assassin hoped the girl had been assessing him as well.

“He might be perfect for our needs Professor.” Jiggles said as she disappeared into the black of the laboratory.”

“Will you all be quiet? I am almost done?”

Commander Braithwick started to get up and the midget pulled a Mauser C96 from under his armpit. “How did you keep a gun tucked under your coat while you were punching my nose?” Without saying anything, the little man opened his immaculate suit and showed the holster sitting against the wool and silk vest underneath.

The Persian put a claw over his mouth in a shush signal. “The Eliminator” bit his tongue “Not even my mama got away with shushing me,” he screamed in his mind using the telepathic technique Richard had been trying to teach him for almost a decade now. The cat dropped the paw to the floor and stared down the hall into the gloom.

 “It worked; it worked,” Serge shouted to himself. The assassin’s heart beat quickly, breathing became difficult, after ten long years, he finally had the hang of it.

“What worked?” said the midget.

“Uhh nothing” Serge stammered. “Oh shit Oh shit now how do you turn it off,”

The midget holstered the pistol, walked to the sitting assassin. The small man placed a finger on each temple, leaned toward Serge’s face, and blew a steady stream into the stunned man’s third eye. Richard Savage made him breathe, stand on his head, and sing two tones at once but nothing had worked. Serge saw pieces sliding into place. An unnatural clarity swept over him. Billy Braithwick finally understood his mind had been like a jumble of papers thrown around a room. Now everything had a spot every thought filed and locked away.

“You are welcome, my name is Uncle Smoo,” the midget said without moving his lips. “The cat is Jonathon Ripley but we have taken to calling him Rex. The feline’s current form is the unfortunate result of a time travel experiment. We achieved transmogrification and although we were hoping for a different effect, we began celebrating until the cat asked us to change him back. We noticed the machinery disappearing.”

“What do you mean disappearing?”

“Shh use your mind we cannot disturbed the professor. I mean the Time Machine became insubstantial before our eyes.”

“Uhh?”

 “Oh lord man, grow a vocabulary. We could see things on the other side of the gadget and then nothing, empty space.  The doctor theorizes you cannot send living tissues through the time gate, but that machinery travels just fine. If his theory is correct we only seventeen more years to wait until we catch up with the apparatus.”

“You can stop distracting the mook we will be siding with the Americans. The Chinese lied about the stockpile of Imaginaryium. Please assist the thug in his efforts to extricate us from the present situation.”

Having the professor call him, a mook did not dampen Serge’s joy.  Now all they had to do was get out, head to the train station, and then off to Utah. Commander Braithwick would be free to go home to the football season. The cat arched its back and hissed as the Chinese delegation marched out of the dark.

The unfortunate secretary led the pack she started screaming and point at Serge. “Him the idiot sitting on the ground, he is the bastard that beats on innocent women.” The man leading the procession wore a silk shirt embroidered with red and gold mid-calf leather boots polished to a high shine. The Chinese leader held a tall cane with a long brass handle in his right hand in his left was a katana. The man’s silk hat looked like an uncut grapefruit in a bowl. Five other men followed behind, two armed with rifles, one with a short heavy stick, one with a Halberd and the last carried a three trine trident with a curved blade pointed toward the floor.

Jiggles sauntered out of the dark carrying another Mauser C96 casually by her side. Serge spotted the fine-riding boots the lass wore from his new vantage point. All eyes were on the beautiful woman. The girl walked over to Commander Braithwick and extended her hand. Serge took the offered appendage and allowed the woman to help him to his feet. Another tall Chinese appeared in the hall behind cutting off any hope of running for it.

Jiggles turned Serge to face the Chinese delegation. The girl sidled up close to his back, kind of nuzzling in. “My guess is you are used to working alone. You have the urge to rush the Asians and begin pummeling them. I would like to observe you box one day, I do so love a good brawl.” The woman touched his butt could have been accidental but the caress made his body tingle. “The goal is to walk away from this with all my friends breathing. I need you to engage General Lui in an argument until I am ready. Rex will take the tall one in the back. Smoo has retreated into the laboratory as a last line of defense. Uncle is the Professor’s private bodyguard. When I am ready, I will step out from behind you and pick off the two carrying rifles. As soon as you hear, the first shot rush the leader and take him out. My assignment is shoot the others while you fight the General. Go ahead they won’t wait forever tell him his breath smells of eel or something piss him off.”

“You fart like a fish,” Serge blurted. Jiggles began whispering behind his back to quietly for Braithwick to hear.

“As you obviously have the brains of a turtle I forgive your inane rejoinder. I am here to escort Professor Mendok to his new research facility. My employer is most anxious to begin his partnership with the good Professor”

“About that monkey nuts, the professor changed his mind,” Jiggles was still muttering behind the big man’s back

“Ha ha you make a joke up yourself, are you taught these insults at spy school. I know who you are Commander Braithwick, played any football lately. You may leave now or Wing Dong behind you will delight in beating you into a pulsing mash”

“Yes master allow me the pleasure.”

“Soon Dong”

“You appear silly in girl clothes” Jiggles stiffened and whispered a little bit louder, “shut up, just ball up your fists and get ready.”

The woman walked out from behind Serge and stood beside him, gun hanging loosely in her grip. “You lied to us and we found out in time. Deals off, go back to Fat To Ch’ing and tell him better luck next time.”

“Mr. Fat makes his own luck Miss Ripley. In my country, a verbal agreement such as the one we agreed to last Thursday is binding. I trust your lab is packed and ready for transport. All pertinent crates are marked for transit? While you are employed by my leader you can forget about having any luck of your own.”

“I give you fair warning General Lui leave now or face the wrath of Mendok”

“If you are counting on your new friend here for support I am afraid he will not provide much. His chief battle tactic is rushing forward and beating things with his fists. Wing Dong is schooled in twelve forms of martial arts. Plus he never gets mad while Commander Braithwick is never calm.”

“Perfect” Jiggles said as she stepped forward wrapped her left arm across her eyes lifted the Mauser and began firing. The weapon jumped in her grip mostly pointing at the ceiling. “Now Mook” the girl prodded Serge

The assassin usually found it a bad idea to run in front of a woman blindfolding herself and firing a gun too big for her to handle. Or in the future, if this situation ever happened again he would compare the situations and find running in front of a crazy woman with a gun a bad idea. The two Chinese carrying rifles fell, Serge ducked his head and pictured the General as the Princeton quarterback. Behind the tall Chinese was screaming in pain and grunting. Rex must be holding up his end of the bargain. The Chinese general pushed a button on the top of his walking stick, a thin rapier popped up. Two swords to none were bad odds in most fights, well in all fights, but Commander Braithwick still rushed forward. The general gracefully bent into a stance holding the longer sword high above his head and the shorter katana across his body.

****************************************************************************

            “He is coming to.”

“Can you stand Commander?”

            “We won?”

            “Yes and you were marvelous, so brave rushing headlong to your death without any fear at all. I was very impressed” The girl kissed him gently on the chin.

            “Please release the docking bolts.” The sound of iron gears pressed in to work, followed by the squeal of metal forced into action. Soon more sounds assaulted the sick man’s ears, a series of clunks bangs and the unmistakable tinkle and roar of a brick wall falling down.

 “Are the balloons fully inflated?”

            “Three minutes 27 seconds until full inflation”

            “Do we have sufficient lift for takeoff?”

            “Yes”

            “Blow the mooring lines”

Serge jumped at the sound of seven explosions all around the Laboratory. The lab rocked Serge’s chair toppled, then the sensation of floating into the air. The floor evened out as the last of the anchor line broke free. Serge loved flying second only to football. Ok he had to be honest kissing pretty girls fit in somewhere perhaps above football. Likely higher if the girl was wearing a leather football helmet, even if her goggles glowed and her breasts were not huge. When she leaned up against him, before the fight there was more booby than he thought. The mook decided the billowing shirt was hiding the goodies.

            “Boys and girls we have entered the atmosphere, congratulations on a job well done”

            Serge got nauseous as the laboratory rocked under the balloon. “You better sit here big fella. The nasty Chinese general put up quite a fight.” Commander Braithwick did as he was told for once sitting on the proffered chair. The man gazed out the window and there were the remains of a building below. A partial wall still stood to the north but all the rest was a pile of bricks and broken glass.

“The Laboratory flies?”

“Yes Commander you are aboard the Ghost of Hades”

“What is the Ghost of Hades?” the assassin slurred beginning to lose consciousness again.

“The Ghost is a laboratory inside a dirigible. Once we get to sea the vessel can also double as a ship.”

“What kind of name is that?”

“The machine functions as a ground vehicle”

“Can not don’t lie”

“Can too”

“Sure if you want to move a two miles an hour and leave ruts everywhere you go”

“In an emergency the Ghost is able to function as travel across hard ground”

Serge passed out slumping in the chair and threatening to fall out on the floor. Three pairs of hands helped get him onto a gurney. The Jiggles wheeled the solider into the medical wing of the lab.

 “Will he be alright can you save him?”

“Yes absolutely his injuries and not grave”

“Will he do is he the one”

“Well, from my point of view you certainly have him in the palm of your hand. I definitely saw ham come to attention.”

Jiggles slapped the midget on the top of the head. “Dirty old man”

“I am concerned how he is beginning to affect you, don’t lose sight of the goal. We need to retrieve the apparatus before Ch’ing To Fat finds it. He is gifted I was able to teach him mind talk in one lesson. Once we have the machine I might offer him a position in the organization. Until then, any personal feelings you have can only make things dangerous. Let us watch how he reacts to the operation; we will have a much clearer picture then. His reaction to the change should tell us all we need to know.”

“Me and the lug don’t tease me. Not my type I enjoy the English language and he only understands five words.”

“You both love football”

“SO!”

 *************************************************************************

             “Commander are you awake?”

            “Yeah, kind of thirsty”

            “Here’s some water”

            Billy Braithwick tried to lift his left hand for the glass but found the arm tied down and under the blanket. “What’s going on?”

            “Did anyone notice he was left handed before?”

            “No”

            “No”

            “I’m not, Jiggles was on the left side of the bed the glass was on the left side I want to use my left hand. I trained myself to be ambidextrous in case my right hand ever got mangled”

            “Good planning”

            “I have something to tell you Billy that may come as a shock. During the fight with General Lui, you lost your left hand. He sliced it off just above the wrist. I doubt the president told you the nature of my work when the assignment came to ‘hire’ me. Yes, we went through your pockets and found the note from the president. In future it might be a good idea to destroy notes with sensitive information on them instead of carrying them into battle.

            I talk to minerals. Not all minerals are able to converse but a few select mineral compounds are almost chatty if you listen. I am the only man on the face of God’s green earth who talks to rocks. I was amazed to find out no one else heard stones speaking when I went to school. The derision of the bullies did not dissuade me form perusing my conversations. Over time, the rocks revealed secret combinations of minerals that can perform amazing things.

            Once the stones trusted me sufficiently the rarest mineral of all, Imaginaryium introduced itself to me. The compound is from a distant planet millions of years away from us. The whole world became conscious. Unfortunately, for the globe its sun blew up scattering sentient asteroids all across the universe. Some of the sentient mineral landed here on earth and began trying to converse with the others like itself, too little effect.

            Over the years and we are talking millennia, the Imaginaryium found a few pre-sentient minerals in our earth. Patiently the God Particle has been teaching our rocks how to converse. Even as we evolved from ape to human, some of the mineral have evolved into sentience.  I am the first non-mineral being able to understand our mineral cousins.

            I can do amazing things together with my crystalline friends. The pinnacle of our partnership is at the end of your left arm. Would you like to see it now? I need you to understand how unimaginably expensive the tool is. Before the fight, Jiggles whispered the target each slug should strike as she loaded the gun. As long as the bullets are, shot in the general direction of the goal they can change shaped during flight and hit the declared target. These bullets had .0348 parts per thousand of Imaginaryium in the alloy. Each bullet cost four thousand four hundred seventy three dollars. Your new hand is my gift to you. The IEMPA has 46.7 parts per thousand by weight of Imaginaryium in its alloy. Can you even imagine the cost of such a thing?”

            Billy Braithwick could not imagine such a thing. The Commander was not even trying to make the calculation. The assassin was busy flexing the fingers of his left hand and wondering what kind of sick game the professor was playing at.

            “Can I look at it, please?” Serge asked trying to keep the hostility building in his chest hidden.

            “Yes of course Jiggles pull back the blanket let the Commander behold his new hand.”    

            The girl had replaced her goggles with a glowing patch over her right eye. The left pupil was a beautiful shade of brown. A tiny tear leaked out of the unprotected eye. Gently she folded the cover revealing a shiny new polished brass and steel hand. Serge kept his eyes glued to the woman’s face as she studied his appendage. The solider saw a mix of trepidation and pride playing on her face. The longer Jiggles observed the machine the more satisfaction grew on her face it must not be horrible. Forcing himself to confront his future Serge raised his hand.

            “I named the devise an Imaginaryium Enhanced Metacarpal-Phalange Assemblage; Smoo wanted us to call it a Higher-function Apparatus Metacarpal Device HAMD. We agreed to let you decide.” The professor looked extremely proud of the hand.

            “How come I can still feel my hand when all there is are a bunch of clock parts, wire and steel bits?”

            “The HAMD contains no wire in it those are tiny cables extremely strong though. Here take this can and crush it.”

            Serge took the empty tomato soup can and crushed with his right hand, “Now what?”

            “Perhaps not the best demonstration, do you like peas”

            “No”

            “Here is a full can of peas crush a full can”

            “I can’t”

            “Try”

            “With the new hand” Jiggles said encouragingly

            Billy Braithwick took the can and began to squeeze. He felt the can resist. Anger flared up in the assassin and he squeezed the can crumpled spewing peas and pea juice all over the midget. The little man stood clapping gleeful as bit of peas ruining his beautifully tailored suit.

            Commander Braithwick laughed in spite of his lost hand.  This metal one was better, stronger. “Always hated peas”

            “Professor we are here”

            “So soon? Prepare to collapse the balloon.”

            “Commander, I have a suspicion our planet was blasted with some large chunks of Imaginaryium about 65 million years ago. I believe the largest rock hit the ocean near the Yucatan Peninsula.  Our group is on an expedition to find out, would you like to come?”

            “Hellz Yeah!”

Confused? Check out the contest announcement here for more details.

So far I’ve had three entries… three really good entries, mind you, but you’ve certainly still got a good chance to show off your ingenuity or creativity.

Good luck!

You can’t have a contest without some kind of prize, so here’s what the lucky winner will receive;

Girl Genius Volume 1: Agatha Heterodyne and the Beetleburg Clank, in softcover!

The first volume of the awesome Girl Genius webcomic; the perfect synthesis of Johannes Gutenberg’s mad science creation and the Foglios’ mad science imaginings, brought directly into your home!

Why, the very act should feel slightly edgy!

But enough about the prize, how do you, the reader, go about obtaining this classic of modern iMADgination?

It’s quite simple… deceptively so.

You have to bring your own mad genius into play!

Using your imagination, and whatever artistic talents you may have, bring your favorite character creation and the concept of mad science together… and then send your juxtaposition of imagination to me here at the Big Bear Butt. (email to tigerlordgm AT yahoo DOT com)

It’s not about World of Warcraft, although you can use your favorite character from WoW if you’d like. It’s not about screenshots, although you can choose to submit one if that’s what the mad little neurons drove you to do when they got all excited up in your cranial housing.

What it takes is a character, an avatar, an alter ego of yours from a game or story of some kind, and your placing that character into a context highlighting and celebrating the whimsical genius and enthusiastic inventiveness that is mad science.

You can send in screenshots, short stories, movies (or links to movies posted by you on YouTube), songs, pictures of sculpture or knitted scenes, or anything your mind can imagine and that you would love to show off. The main thing is, it has to have been created by YOU.

Heck, create a cake sculpture and send in a picture, whatever you’d like. It’s not meant to be work, it’s meant to be fun! How your creativity is expressed is up to you!

I will gladly accept screenshots or pastiches of your character in-game amidst the panoply of rendered mad science… bless those gnomes and goblins for their hard work.

I will accept all submissions , beginning today and lasting throughout the week, ending on Friday, January 21st.

The weekend of January 22nd – 23rd, Cassie and I will review all submissions, and pick our favorites to go up on the blog for YOUR votes!

That’s right, the final winner will be determined by you! Well, the collective ‘you’ of readers that choose to vote.

So put your best set of thinking goggles on, and get hopping! Time is running out!

Again, email your submission (or a link to your submission) to tigerlordgm AT yahoo DOT com!

The BBB would like to inform all potential contestants that this contest is being held completely under the direction and control of the BBB. Prizes are submitted by the BBB, shipped by the BBB, and any issues are wholly the fault OF the BBB. Phil and Kaja Foglio are completely unaware of this contest, and should not be bothered with any questions or concerns ABOUT this contest. Failure to understand this may result in being blasted by a death ray. Thank you.

In choosing the winners of the contest, we tried to pick the stories that we loved the most that embraced and ran with the concept of bringing your own character into a personal moment with Arthas, as we defined in the original post.

There were a great many stories that were extremely well written and imaginative, that we felt were great… but just did not fulfill that one rule, that it be about you interacting directly with Arthas.

In the end, however, we could not simply disregard every entry because they chose to write about or around arthas rather than face to face. It was also about imagination, after all.

So we chose four winners from the group that wrote a story of their character directly interacting with Arthas, and one winner that wrote an extremely imaginative story weaving their in game activities with the recent patch shenanigans, into a story where the presence of Arthas was there, but there had been no true interaction between them.

So here we go, the list of winners who will be receiving a book. Over the course of the weekend, I will be sharing those stories with you, one story per post. I think their work deserves it.

A huge thank you to everyone that entered. I only wish I could give every one of you a book, because you far surpassed my wildest dreams with your creativity, your ingenuity, and your passion.

In no particular order the winners are -

Malphailuron of Eredar (also known as Warriorpanda) with a story about the desire of preventing the evil that would be the Lich King… tempered with a love and trust in the faithfulness of the Light.

Hannelore with a story that, while short, invested an incredible amount of emotional power, of passion and dread into her brief encounter with the Lich King that made me want to see a lot more of her adventures.

Cowsareus of the Twilight Hammer EU, who wrote a stirring story of a Druid seeking to work in the way of nature, preparing for a future spring right at the start of the most brutal winter.

Kraggette of Anvilmar with a story of intrigue and betrayal on the very eve of war against the Banshee Queen.

And, last but not least, Ærynn Lómëhtar with the entry that, as I said, may not have quite fulfilled the concept of a face to face encounter with Arthas… but was our choice to represent all those that went nuts with great stories that just didn’t follow the rules.

Congratulations to all of you, and to everyone that wrote such stirring stories.

All of the entries will eventually be posted in an archived format later, so that all of them can be enjoyed as they should. Just because these five were the winners in no way means the other stories were bad. Far from it. Some of them were just incredibly wonderful, including the POEtic efforts of Krizzlybear, and the explosive fun of Honorshammer. Those stories certainly should NOT just vanish into the darkness.

But in the meantime, the winning five will be here on the blog this weekend!

Grats!