I sit before a blank screen, imagining it taunts me to cover it with words.

The monitor doesn’t care if I write today or not. There is no victor, no vanquished, no competition between us at all, but I like to imagine there is.

It’s perverse, but I like the idea that this is a duel, the monitor and I. It challenges me to create something worth reading, but also expects me to fail. 

Is this the time I reach for the stars and come back with nothing but dust and ashes in my hands?

I never really know.

When I sit down, I’ve usually got something in mind. A fun experience I want to share or an idea to explore.

Whatever it may be, the whatever it is isn’t the real point. The point is to get into the feelings behind whatever it is and share those. If I was pissed, if I was enthusiastic, giddy or irritable or dumbstruck with wonder, sharing those sensations is what I think the point is. 

The challenge is to find the right words to make it live and sing, whatever it is, even if it’s a story of elves and dwarves in a faraway land of neverwas. Especially if it is something from the land of neverwas.

Ah, the words. I hope we meet again, my arch-nemeses.

I sit before the monitor each day, preparing myself for battle. 

Sometimes I flail around like an idiot, grasping for a sentence, hoping something coherent will stick to my fingers. 

Other times, the words are ready and waiting to gang up on me, and by God I’d better start typing because they’re coming out whether I like it or not, and if I can’t keep up, they’re in one side and out the other, gone never to return in the same way.

The worst times are when I’m in the shower, and an entire conversation runs through my head, a brilliant conversation or idea, concepts and wordplay that make me grin and then laugh out loud. But I’m nowhere near a pen or keyboard, and no matter how hard I try to hold on to them, the words wash away, leaving only the outline of their meaning behind as a poor substitute for the real thing. 

When the words aren’t there ready to bum rush my butt, where do I go to find them? Where do I reach when I seek the words to express the crap I’m trying to say?

I could hand you a slick analogy to represent some personal inner search for the ‘real me’, like digging for words from a shaft drilled deep inside my heart. I could if I was a pretentious twit, anyway.

The reality is, wherever the words come from, it is a place without a map or compass to guide my way, and the best I can ever hope for each time I try is that whatever words come to me, they come close to what I want.

I hope to grasp the words that will give perfect shape to what I feel, to bring back a true name. I hope.

I get what I get. 

I never know what I’ll get. Each time, it’s as much a mystery to me as to anyone else. 

If there is a fear while I’m pounding the keyboard, it’s that the desire to put words to paper will lead me to skim the slender surface of my thoughts, just to get something, anything down and published, when what I really want is to dig deep and find something juicy, something personal, something hidden below the surface that will resonate as REAL.

I don’t know that I ever succeed. Sometimes, I walk away pleased with what I’ve written, another post glowing like a torch on the screen behind me. Victory! Second thoughts may creep in later, but screw that, publish or perish and hell take the hindmost.

It may not win any awards, but it’s not about awards. It’s about walking away with the satisfaction of knowing that for this one day, this one time, I found the words to express what I hoped to share.

Just to feel that sensation once, I can’t begin to describe it. To have written something that shared what I wanted to say. Is it any wonder that, once having felt that, I return again and again? 

Other times, well, not so much. I reach in vain, but the words just aren’t there. What I draw back to the screen is a pale shadow of what I hoped to share, clumsy, inadequate… stupid. Embarassing.

I’ll spend some time thinking about it, circling the words, walking around them, examining them… putting a white hot spotlight of inquisition on them. “Why are you so fail? What did you do with the words I was looking for? Answer me!”

Often, I’ll come back later with a different perspective, a different group of words. Commando words storming the slackers. More expressive words. More concise. Still me, just… different.

At the end of the day, though, once I have done my best to get the ideas and feelings and intent on the screen, whether I think it sucks or not…

I hit publish anyway.

The words last but a day in memory, and then they fall behind. There will always be another time.

There will always be another chance.

There will always be tomorrow. 

What matters is, I sat down before a blank screen to do battle with myself, I reached out for the words to share something real, and took a good, close look at what I caught. Maybe this time I’m happy, maybe this time I’m not, but it’s always different, always new, and if I’m really damn lucky, I’ll learn something to take with me for next time.

You ever just write something, and you’re pretty happy about it, and cheerful, and walk away smiling, only to come back and find out that what you wrote, and the feeling you had when you wrote it, and your entire attitude and mental state that allowed you to hold the world view when you wrote it, were all read by other people who interpreted what you said in a completely unexpected way that takes you completely by surprise…

And makes you feel like maybe you just came off like the biggest, most arrogant, egotistical asshole in the world?

Doesn’t matter what was in your head at the time. That’s what came across. As the meme says, offense is in the eye of the beholder, and the internet has no tone of voice.

If that is what people read into what I said… then hell, maybe I AM the most arrogant, egotistical asshole in the world. I know for a fact I’ve got some former guildies that would so aver.

Or at the very least, I am king of the asshats of my own little corner of it, population me.

I’m gonna take a little break, get some down time, relax and wait for my attitude to bounce back. I’m a bouncy bear, and NOTHING can take my butt down and keep it down except me. Just takes a bit of attitude adjusting, that’s all.

I’ll eat some M&Ms, have a bacon sandwich, hug my son, listen to March of Cambreadth, read some Terry Pratchett, play alts with my wife and generally do some of the things that recharge my battery back to POWERING THIS GALACTIC-SIZED TESTAMENT TO WHINY POUTINESS, DAMNIT.

I’ll be back to the blog in a few days.

In the meantime… let’s revisit my first ever Raid Song of the Week. It bears repeating. And it’ll kick my good feeling into overdrive NOW.

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I’ve mentioned before that, while I myself am NOT (oh dear lord not) a progression raider, I find myself somehow IN a progression raiding guild, the Band of Misfits on Azuremyst.

It’s strange as hell because you know all those stereotypes of hardcore progression raiders? Yeah, I don’t see any of that around here. Just nice folks. Friendly. Personable. Mature (well, mostly).

Certainly don’t see any asshats, and I mean ANY. Freaking weird, now that I consider it. I wonder if they’re actually pod people?

I wonder how many of you are old enough to get that reference? Soylent Green is people, damnit! /backoffthelawn, bear.

Truth is, most of the time I forget that I’m in a guild with three raid teams. People are too busy talking excitedly about achievement hunting. 

In fact, two guildies, Random and Red, spent over an hour talking about food additives, allergies and healthy eating, and I swear it almost put me off my McNuggets.

There is one thing that does serve to remind me that I am in a guild that has some serious progression raiders.

Kill videos.

Band of Misfits may quietly go about their pursuit of excellence, but internal to the guild they are very proud of their successes, and they capture that success in the creation of kill videos.

I had previously thought that boss kill videos were mostly the province of bleeding edge raiding guilds sponsored by companies with too damn much money and pretensions of formula one or Nascar racing equivalence. Something you see on MMO Champion when a world first kill happens, and other than that, not so much.

Not so!

Team Wanda has as their videographer the esteemed Lierthes, who spends hour upon hour hand-crafting each video, and then putting them up on YouTube for the personal enjoyment of the team.

I’ve been thinking a little about this, and to me they represent the new breed of digital hunter, and their boss kill videos are a modern equivalent of the stuffed and mounted heads of their kills, proudly displayed in a virtual den, fueling fond memories over brandy and cigars while chatting in vent.

A stretch? I don’t think so. Can anyone honestly say that a big game hunter spends more time planning the tools and trip for a safari than a progression guild spends working on getting a heroic boss kill down? 

Here is one of the videos Team Wanda and Lierthes has put forward on YouTube, and while it is long, keep in mind this isn’t supposed to be for the public – this is for their own fun and to capture that moment, to have a chance to relive the excitement again.

Watching these videos and admiring their high standards of excellence, one of the things that impresses me the most is the amount of fun spent on introducing the characters. I can watch those character intros and get a definite feel for the personalities involved, and isn’t that one of the hallmarks of fine film making?

This makes me wonder… how many other guilds out there do this sort of thing, and to this degree of quality and care?

It was partially meant in jest before, but there is a lot of truth to the idea that, for our modern gaming society, a finely crafted boss kill video takes the place of a stuffed and mounted head, showcasing the thrill of the hunt, the battle royale and the final victory in a lasting and meaningful way.

Plus, it’s got a beat you can dance to. 

I think it’s a marvelous idea, that we as gamers DO have our own way of taking and displaying our hunting trophies using the high technology that fuels our joy. 

You know me, though.

Taking this to the next logical step… at what point will someone become a virtual taxidermist, taking your raw boss kill footage and vent recordings, and make your finished, polished video for you to claim as your own?

For every demand, there will be a supplier.

I bet you could find someone that already advertises their services in this regard, if you looked hard enough.

My congratulations go to Team Wanda and to Lierthes for having the spirit to take their time in a raid and turn it into something fun to look back on and laugh. 

Blizzard and other gaming companies make a point in their terms of service to tell us that nothing we do or have in an MMO is our property except our memories. How much more, than, should we treasure something meant to make those memories last.

Does your guild also craft boss kill videos, or better yet event videos, just for the enjoyment of you and your guildies? 

If so, and if you’re not embarassed at sharing, why not link to one? I’d love to see it.

I know that I’ll never forget the pure amazement that came from seeing the video Herzrah made of the Raid for the Cure run from years back. Even though I was there, seeing the video brought back the whole event so vividly I couldn’t believe it.

When I started running LFR, I didn’t realise I was going to end up on Let’s Make a Deal.

I still like running Dragon Soul on the LFR, but then I’m one of those kooks that likes running raid content even when there aren’t any carrots to chase after. I like running content for the sake of the experience, and hey, I know there are quite a few others out there that feel the same. Where my kooks at?

Those of us that like going for the fun of it with no loot drops in mind are definitely in the minority.

Is there any question that a huge part of the draw of running any kind of content is to chase after a ’drop’?

The drop is the carrot, and hasn’t it been amazing to see how quickly the old content got revived once transmog gave us a purpose to chasing those drops beyond base stats?

I’ve even seen people complain, and isn’t this hilarious, complain that the old raids like Black Temple aren’t available for level 85 cross-realm LFR.

Umm, as long as we’re on that topic… add my name to the list of people that would like to queue for BT at level 85.

Yep, that good ol’ carrot works just fine. Getting more life out of old content to help extend the game… well played, Blizzard.

Let’s move past all that.

Dragon Soul LFR, a place where we can go to get some Valor Points, and some decent gear, and kill us some internet dragons.

Anyone else notice that the new standard of loot behavior is to roll on everything whether you need it or not, and then later on when that ONE thing you wanted drops, start offering the shit you won earlier in trade?

If you ever wanted to see an example of the term ‘short-sighted’, there you go.

“Well gee, it sure is hard to get that one drop, so I know! I’ve got a bright idea. I’ll roll on everything, and then when what I drops I’ll have something to offer as trade!” 

Which would be a fine strategy if you were the only one to start doing that. But when it turns out that wasn’t such an original thought, when everyone else sees what you’re doing and figures that is how they have to play to have a fair shot… then instead of having an advantage, now everyone has the exact same chance of being the random winner, no matter how many times the loot has dropped or been won in the past. 

The competition never gets less.  

It seemed so simple when the LFR was released, didn’t it?

You go into LFR those first few weeks, and everyone rolls on everything because they need everything.

Then, NEXT week the folks who won last time won’t roll on those items again so the folks that are left have a better shot. Right?

Sounds reasonable?

If you assume that would remain constant, then over time, most people would have most drops, would be queueing in the hopes of getting just one or two pieces and passing on the rest, and that would mean a greater chance to win SOMETHING for those who are left.

Assumptions… as Samuel L. Jackson once said, they make an ass out of u and umption.

It made sense, until you factor such real life modifiers as folks that have lots of alts that all have to get cycled through, and folks that started new characters and raced them up to level cap (not that I would know anything about that), and other reasons for a continuous influx of characters needing every drop.

Well, still. As the months roll by, we should certainly expect our favorite character that is steadfastly plugging away, week after week, to see the chances improve for a drop, right? Sooner or later Hagara will drop those shoulders, and this time it’ll be YOUR turn.

Hah!

Instead, as people get almost everything they want out of LFR, they now roll on everything they’ve already got or can’t even use just to have trade goods for barter later in the run.

Or maybe those hunters really can use Expertise on their rings. Who am I to judge?

There is only one way for the community to fix this. People have to start rolling ONLY on the item drops that they can actually use, and stop trying to play Let’s Make a Deal.

So, everybody just start doing that, mmmkay?

…..

Yeah, right.

Well, maybe Blizzard will just fix it!

Lolwut?

The existence of dual-spec and multiple roles for one character with different gearing choices makes this a tough design situation.

The LFR loot system had been setup to allow one lucky bastard to win two of the exact same thing off one boss. Blizzard fixed that, not because Blizzard did not want one person to have two of those items, but because Blizzard did not feel one person should get two all at the same time.

Will there ever be a change so that, if your character has won that item once already, they cannot ever win it again?

I can’t possibly imagine it.

What happens if you were a tank, you started building a tank set, and then decided you were switching to DPS? Are you just screwed then, because you chose the tank versions of two LFR pieces before deciding to switch, so tough luck?

It could go either way, but I find it highly unlikely that Blizzard would ever do that.

Blizzard does expect us to fend for ourselves. They do say, if you don’t like the way loot worked out this time, run it again next week. If you don’t like how your fellow players roll on loot, then don’t play with them.

Your choice.

So where does that leave us as the weeks pass, and there is no new content on the horizon to replace Dragon Soul LFR?

There has to come some point where people finally DO have everything they want from LFR, on every character they have, and will stop rolling need on everything. Right?

Of course, if someone doesn’t want anything from LFR anymore… why would they run it again? 

I still like running Dragon Soul LFR, but I’m now running it more to see how people behave and what they’ll do next than anything else.

The last run I did, I ran on my Rogue. I came into the second half of DS LFR on Spine of Deathwing, fought hard and won the Wrath of Unchaining, a great trinket.

I had no less than three whispers from people in the raid offering to trade me a previous loot drop from the raid for the trinket, apparently not realising that I had been a mid-season switch hitter.

I inspected their equipped gear, and of the three, ALL THREE already had the pieces of Tier armor they were offering me equipped.

I turned them down, and do you know, when Deathwing finally fell, not a one of them spoke up at the end of the run to say they had a piece of Tier they couldn’t use, and to offer it up to a roll.

Maybe they just traded their pieces on their own via whispers, maybe not. I know there are a lot of folks out there that would never dream of shananigans like this, and I know one guy that, just out of the blue a few weeks ago, whispered me to say they had won a piece of gear they hadn’t realized they already had, and since I was the second lowest roll, they gave it to me.

The point remains… I don’t see how Blizzard will find a way to regulate loot drop courtesy for us, and does anyone really expect the ‘community’ to act responsibly as a group?

Maybe it will. Who am I to say? And maybe bears will be able to fly, too!

I know for myself, I’ll be expecting Blizzard to add winged bears before I’ll see people say, “I won’t roll, I already have one.”

I was reading the latest Penny Arcade story accompaniments when something Gabe said really struck a chord with me on game design, and why I like some games over others.

Gabe was talking about an upcoming game he is playing called Kingdoms of Amalur, and said;

A big part of the reason I play games is for “new art”. That is the thing more often than not that keeps me progressing. What will the next level or zone look like?

As soon as he said it, I knew it was true for me.

Before I go on about what that sparked in my brain housing group though, I want to say, I never heard of Kingdoms of Amalur before. I HAVE heard of a game that Gabe compared it to… Skyrim. Gabe seemed to think Kingdoms of Amalur had all the lore and exploring depth of Skyrim, but with much more entertaining combat gameplay, and with more beautiful worlds to experience.

Huh.

All I heard talk about a few months ago, at least before SWTOR came out, was “Oh, Skyrim, Skyrim is so awesome, all I want to do is play Skyrim, oh I just want to have Skyrim’s giant-destroying shouty babies.”

To hear Gabe, who I respect, say that he thought Kingdoms of Amalur was more enjoyable than Skyrim made me sit up and take notice.

I saw the trailer for it on Youtube, okay, nice trailer, but I’m not playing a movie, I’m playing a game. Much like cover art, a movie trailer can show you awesomesauce , but reflect nothing of the final gameplay experience. Show me the gameplay.

SHOW ME the gameplay!

Then I found this;

Okay. Huh.

I haven’t said this in years. Actually, I think I haven’t said this in a decade. Maybe I said it for Starcraft II.

I HAVE TO BUY THAT GAME.

Curt Schilling, who I am actually aware of and also respect, is the design studio head behind this? Oh shit, is THIS the game his studio is coming out with?

And wait a minute, WHO is behind the lore? R.A. Salvatore?

Hmmm… I dunno, that could be a plus or a minus. He is the man responsible for giving us Drizzt, after all… and giving everyone that wanted to play an angst-ridden vampire in D&D and wasn’t allowed to the Dark Elf race for a replacement.

What he did by introducing scimitars alone into a medieval setting!

But on the other hand, I did love his writing. At a time when books based in D&D were mostly crap, his brought actual character and personality and placed them above stats, an incredible concept at the time.

As far as Todd McFarlane being behind the art design…

I know this is out of style these days, the cool kids mock Todd McFarlane, but I was a fan of the Spawn art style back in the first 50 issues. The characters I loved were the Medieval Spawn and Angela characters that Neil Gaiman created for Todd McFarlane for the Spawn comics, but the art was all Todd.

Something to remember. Neil Gaiman was responsible for my favorite character designs in Spawn, but the art style was all Todd’s, and as long as he is doing the art style of this game without the lore, that excites me.

Not interests, not intrigues, excites.

I really like what I see in that video.

A game world originally designed to be as huge as an MMO, made into a single player game? Character classes that are organic, growing and changing direction as you place points in different ways in skills that sound cool to you as you level?

Oh, hell yes. Sign my ass RIGHT up.

Everything I love about WoW, but without people.

On second thought, maybe it’s not THAT solid a must have after all.