Archive for the “Humor” Category

Do you recall, many moons ago, sweet Elune it was way back in 2008, I did a post called “I don’t know what it is, but it has Aggro?

My good buddy TishToshTesh came up with this insane rendering of my son’s idea for an Engineering Hunter Pet.

You know…

THIS THING.

Gnomish-Aggro-Fish-Tish-Tosh-Tesh

Some of you thought it was an impossible dream.

Some of you even laughed, and not an evil genius, mad scientist laugh appropriate for the occasion but a mocking laugh, a laugh tinged with a tone of derision.

Let’s see who’s laughing now, chuckles.

The first stage of the process has begun.

In the game?

Hell no, in the real world!

Feast your eyes on this, and gaze unbelieving upon the seeds that sow the coming apocalypse.

fishonwheels-kickstarter

And THIS is the video for what they call the Fish on Wheels Kickstarter project.

Look at it.

LOOK AT IT!

Yep.

They’re coming.

Wheels and a guidance control system today, CHAINSAWS AND ROCKET LAUNCHERS TOMORROW!

Mark my words.

You think this is an accident? Oh sure, you see the cute little fishie in the video, they have you thinking, “Aw, how cute, what threat could they possibly be?”

That’s exactly what they want you to think.

But look back up there at the picture at the top. See the grin on that goldfish in the picture?

DO YOU SEE THE GRIN?

There is a day coming, mark my words, there is a day coming when you will walk into a supermarket looking for some tunafish, and there in the aisle will be a dolphin in an armed ATV, and that dolphin will yell at you through their tinny little  speaker, “That better be albacore, BITCH!

And on that day, you will remember.

I warned you, but did you listen? No!

Oh, and while you’re here, why not check out the aggrofish shirts in our lovely gift shoppe?

Comments 2 Comments »

I’m about done with April Fools as a thing, since most folks I’m seeing on the internet seem to see it as an excuse to be assholes.

As if anyone needs an excuse, right?

Still, some bits are funny.

I loved the lighthearted and sometimes pointed references to concerns past and present in the Blizzard Warlords 6.0 patch notes, I think they were awesome and fun. I really liked them, and I was surprised by how a lot of the remarks felt, well, spot on. Like a private in-joke for those of us that have been deeply involved with WoW for years, and know all the trials and complaints and outright begging and bitching we’ve endured over the years.

I won’t dwell on the negatives much, although I do want to call out The TV Addict website for being outright assholes. No, really, fuck you.

Through all of the troll lol lolling, there has to be a winner, though.

I hereby present my vote for the most surprising laugh-out-loud April Fool moment today;

Ladies and gentleorcs, I hereby present to you my UI when I logged in a few minutes ago;

elvui_helloaprilfools

 

I use ElvUI for a complete UI replacement, and I love it dearly. I LOVE having the mix of standard button bars and the health bars bottom center, and basically everything being where I’m looking so I’m never called to look to upper left to check status or health or whatever.

Little did I suspect, when I installed my UI that I was soon to be on my way to Hello Kitty Island Adventure.

What you don’t see in this screenshot is, those little kitties are dancing. Yes, they’re animated.

OMG so cute!

Even after the day I’ve had, this put a big smile on my face. Well done, ElvUI. Well done.

Comments 8 Comments »

Once upon a time in a magical, far off land there was a bear.

The bear liked to growl and dance, and talk, and eat heaping piles of bacon.

But above all else, the bear liked to bounce.

From dragons and dungeons to instances and invasions, his big brown butt could be seen happily bouncing to the beat of nations.

Times change, talents were added, tweaked, moved and were lost, but the bounce went on.

Damage was mitigated, reduced, dodged and avoided, but the bounce went on.

Finally there came a day when mitigation became active, and something had to give. The bear could either be bouncy or be beat on, but not both at once.

With sadness, the big brown bear realized that if he gave himself over to being the most active, properly defensive bear he should be, he would have nothing left over to bounce with.

The bear felt his world turning quite gray and cold. Bearing on the bounce was what prevented feeling old.

“A bear without bounce, that just will not do! Oh bother,” the bear thought, “bouncing has gotten too hard to do! Perhaps it’s time to leave tanking for the fast-fingered crew.”

The bear settled down and his days turned quite slow, for he had no more oomph and no particular place to go. He rested in his tree and ate bacon all day, and wondered through the hours what new games he should play.

“I loved being a bear and bouncing all day, and swiping my paws in the enemies’ face. I wonder what’s out there, what else I could do to bring the good times bouncing back with a good swipe or two.”

The bear looked around, and read through the lists, of character creation and leveling kits. Monks and Pandaren, Priests and Paladins too, so many options to choose from but none that ring true!

But wait, what am I thinking, the choice is quite clear! It’s a pandaren hunter that can bounce it’s butt near. I’ll grab a big gun and have a funky dance, and when it comes to bouncing just watch that groovy ass!

Off the bear went, and felt his soul on the mend as he hunted Isle mogu with his dinosaur friend. Growls and stomping, leaps and chomping and a fat feast of feathers flew, the feral spirit was returning with a bear bouncing through.

The hunter tried raiding while shaking his fluff, and bouncing around goofily soloing stuff. The Island of Thunder got smacked with a bow and a gun shoved quite rudely where no gun should go.

It just wasn’t the same, some essential something was missed. Did he make the wrong choice in the character class list? The bear felt himself sitting in front of the screen, wondering “Should I keep logging on in, or start shopping on Steam?”

He didn’t know what to do, was his time over in WoW? If there was no more joy, stick a fork in it now.

He finally decided to make no sudden rash moves. “My father procrastinated, I’m going to too! Why act right away to decide what to do? I’ll putter and potter and mutter and ramble, and mess with some alts while I chat and I scramble. In time I’ll find out if the magic’s all gone, or if theres still some fat spark lurking deep in the wand.”

The bear played with his Pally, his Warrior and Priest, but though they were okay none of them bounced like a beast. The paladin felt clunky, the warrior lacked range, and the priest looked all awesome but couldn’t move worth a damn.

Then he tried something new, something he’d always abhored; he rolled a slimy warlock (but at least it wasn’t a Horde).

The Warlock seemed crappy, it had pets without style, everyone summoned the same with random names from a file. If you’re going to have pets, at the very little least you could let us enslave them for a variety of treats!

Why isn’t this Warlock the same as the Hunter I know, but with red and green fire and a staff not a bow? I want it all different, but also the same, because I want it new but still different, yes I’m completely insane.

Why not give it a chance, why not try out the specs, see what demonology is like, I hear it’s a tank with a pet.

I tried all the specs out, and was flabbergasted to see that the more that I played it, the more it was ME!

The warlock could leap and could bounce and could hop, all while spitting red fire and sending pets out to chomp.

Demonology meant you could leap forward quite far, be tough as a tank and chew bad guys like sharks. You grew giant bat wings and great honking horns, and the ground at your feet swirled with purple arcane forms.

Affliction meant you were a poisonous beast, and it was everything I hated in my original priest. I didn’t want to drop DoTs on a bunch of bad guys, and sit watching as they took forever to die.

Then someone suggested I give destruction a try if I wanted to bounce and tear around on the fly. “You get to rain fire and dance all about, lords a leaping and chasing and shooting green dragons up the snout.”

I gave it a try, it all seemed pretty cool, but I’m a bear in my heart and this warlock felt crude. I’m not about evil cackles and eating your soul, a chomp on some bacon’s as far as I’ll go.

I know it’s all fun and I’m having a blast, but do I really want to play some evil asshole in a mask?

Turns out yes I do, I just pretend I’m not evil, the fire is quite nice and doesn’t REALLY burn people. I’m a sleek deadly warlock that destroys all evil in sight, I like long walks on the beach, provided there is a warbringer to fight.

Yes, I know it’s not proper that a bear turns to fire, but the DESTRUCTION LETS ME BOUNCE WHILE I SET THING ALIGHT!

I can fire and torch baddies from morning til noon, and all the while bounce like a big fricken loon.

The pet thing turned out to be fine in the end, there is something reassuring about a dedicated tank friend. When my blueberry is out I know right away that it’s tanking he’s doing, I don’t have to respec a thing. If I want to shoot fire I whip out the imp, and when it’s time to turn freaky I bring out the whip.

The more I wanted to hate it the more my love grew, this Warlock all bouncing and in sweet evil clothes.

Now I spend all my time in the game like I should, bouncing around having fun like a happy bear could.

I may be purple and green and throw red fire about, I have a blueberry for a pet and scare things when I shout, but I can solo warbringers and kill DeGei with a portal and I can bounce all I want while I rain fire upon you.

I know it’s not proper for a bouncing bear butt to say, but in the heart of a warlock I found a reason to stay.

Comments 12 Comments »

One of the things I love about World of Warcraft specifically and social multiplayer video games in general is the way we are actively building a cultural history.

A video game environment used to be pretty personal. You played a game, and the most social it ever got was people watching you play on the TV set in your living room. You want to share what yuo’re doing, you tell people later.

Now, streaming and Twitch and all sorts of stuff. Why play a game when you can watch the streaming video of other people having fun? Or something.

But in the middle, in MMO land… groups of people getting together, forming guilds, linking with typed chat and voice comms, and sharing experiences.

Experiences that happen to you… but not really you.

It’s your avatar, and no, we’re not wired in to feel it’s pain. Yet. If it ever does happen, we know who will be driving it.

ERP.

Still, your avatar, and you’re invested in what happens to you, but you can’t actually die when you screw up by the numbers.

You can do something galactically stupid, and look! it ain’t intensely personal and private anymore. Oh no, you just shared that with all your friends. They saw it. Some of them took pictures and laughed.

And some of them made a video, posted it to YouTube, and you went viral. Have a nice day.

We’re growing our culture as we go. Things happen often enough in game that it’s the new normal. We take it in stride, and move on.

But how would the squares, those sad types out in the real world react to some of this stuff?

Thats the best bit. As time goes on, we become the new normal. What we get used to, and how we talk about it, gets absorbed into the outside world.

People will start adopting our terminology and ideas, even if they’ve never played a game before. Suckers.

What is the most contradictory new concept we’ve created?

I think it’s obvious.

Standing in the fire.

Think about it.

The entire concept of standing in the fire, just wtf.

In the real world, you stand in the fire, you catch on fire, and you have no choice stuffs start moving.

If your body can move, and you catch on fire, there may be a split second where your nerve endings haven’t reported latest events, but just as soon as you catch up to OMIGOD PAIN HURTS your body already moved you. The challenge is to stop moving, drop and roll. Your body doesn’t like that plan, it wants to run around screaming.

Standing in the fire? Not something that happens in the real world.

Only in a video game can ‘you’ stand in the fire and not even notice.

But you still take damage. And your friends, who are there playing with you and who might be responsible for keeping you alive? They’ll notice. And as history has shown us, they won’t be shy about letting you know that something might be happening to your nether regions, and perhaps, just maybe, you should do something proactive about it.

“Hey, Dipro? Get out of the fire. Get out of the fire. No, really, you’re standing in the, just holy crap dude, don’t freaking debate about it, just move, you’re on fire.”

It’s only one little thing in the game, but it really shows the difference between a virtual world and the real one. How can you not know you’re on fire?

Only in a video game, ONLY in a video game do you need someone to tell you to get your butt out of the fire.

The idea of someone just standing there with their feet on fire, totally oblivious? Someone so stupid they wouldn’t even move if we set them on fire?

That’s out there. We gave that to the world.

You’re welcome.

I’d love to see a title added to the game, from a tracked achievement – Character took more than 50 million cumulative damage from standing in environmental damage. Title awarded? “The Hotfoot”.

Alternate title, “The Hotstepper”, but that’s only because I’d like to see a character named Hossenfeffer the Hotstepper.

What else are we creating in our artificial game worlds? What other new cultural baggage are we creating that will seep out into the real world, stuff we take for granted but is unique to life in an MMO, stuff we might not even be noticing?

I love how this concept is enduring. Not just the standing in the fire, but the standing in the fire oblivious while your friends yell at you.

Case in point;

Throne of Thunder.

Looking for Raid.

Wing 4, boss 3.

LEI SHEN.

I have never seen more people standing in the fire than the first week of Lei Shen in the Throne of Thunder LFR.

After your first phase 2, when a pillar is destroyed and that entire quadrant of the floor is arcing with big old glowing blue lightning?

Yeah… it’s blue fire.

The first week Wing 4 came out on LFR, and our guild was in there typing over and over;

“The floor is on fire, get off of it. Move. It’s on fire. You’re standing in fire. No really, move out of the blue lightning. No, don’t drag the boss in that quadrant, it’s on fire. The floor, it is on fire. It’s pretty blue fire that hurts, stop standing in it. Hello? Fire check? Still burns. Move please? Please?!?”

Standing in the fire. An enduring legacy we leave to the generations that come after us. God help them.

Comments 8 Comments »

I know Preach Gaming is supposed to have the best ‘how to play your class’ Youtube videos, but I think this video of a bear with an equipped staff is pretty OP.

You can try to nerf bears all you like, but we just upgrade by getting our noses into it.

Noses… feet, whatever.

We can kick your butt with a staff while nibblin’ on our toes, so just step back.

Comments 4 Comments »

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