Hi! Do you know me?

I’m normally considered to be a Feral Druid fanboy, but I have been known to love my Beast Master Hunter almost as much.

When relaxing and just having fun, sometimes it’s a very close call.

The part about being a Hunter that I enjoy the most, of course, is having my very own pet.

Not a pet that was assigned to me by a dark overlord, a pet that I had no choice about. If some dark master hands me a slave and says, “This is it. You’re stuck with him. Deal.” Well. WELL now.

That ain’t a pet. That’s a servant. A slave. No real joy there. No companionship. No tender memories.

No, a pet is a friend that I am personally, emotionally vested in.

I chose my pet. I wanted my pet beside me through thick and thin.

I sought out my pet, and out of all the other potential pets in all the world, I chose YOU to stand by my side.

And I, of course, named you in my language. I don’t know what your name is in YOUR language, so I hope you don’t mind… but I put care and thought into a name, and I hope you like it. It brings me a smile, every time I think about all the journeys we have shared together over the years.

My friend Moonclaw has been with me for a long, long time.

Moonclaw, the Ghost Saber, is my dear friend. If you see me running around the world, looking for trouble, having fun, and kicking some butt while adventuring, my friend Moonclaw will be by my side.

Forever.

But, sometimes, sometimes you need to make a point.

Sometimes, your best friend, the friend who is your companion and a part of your warmer side, just isn’t appropriate for what needs to be done.

Sometimes there is the friend you have by your side every day, that you count and rely on, and sometimes the job at hand is too dirty, nasty and vicious to involve such a treasured friend.

Take Dirty Harry Callahan, for example.

For years, he kept his .44 magnum revolver by his side. Big, mean, hard, it got the job done, reliably, and with just that extra emphasis that said, “I am totally serious about killing you right now. Nothing personal, but it’s time for you to die so I can pay attention to the next dirtbag scrote. Now stop breathing already.”

But in Sudden Impact, when his good friend was dead, killed after a brutal, bloody beating, and Dirty Harry was truly enraged? Pissed beyond measure and looking to get some very personal, very intense payback?

He laid his old friend aside for a time… and took out the .44 Automag.

He took out a special weapon that said to his foes, “Here is how much I hate you. I want to do more than just inflict justice on you. I intend to make you pay. To make you suffer, screaming in pain and terror, and let the white hot fury of my vengeance tear you apart. And I’m not going to soil my service weapon with this. I am going to use a tool that is so far beyond overkill that it leaves no room for doubt; I intend to see you pay. I intend to see you scream. I intend to see you beg, and then I intend to see you dead.”

Well, your pet is also your very close, personal friend.

And if you are filled with rage and hate, and intend to tear apart your enemies, intent on destroying them with an all consuming fury…

Well, you don’t want to bring your warm, close friend Moonclaw into something like that.

Oh, HELL no.

No, you want a pet that says, “I hate you. I really, really hate you. And this… THIS is what I choose to use to kill you with. My own, special, raging tool of infinite hatred and destruction. THIS is the engine that drives all that is evil and cruel, and which I will use to TEAR YOUR SOUL APART!”

.

..

…

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my tool of absolute hatred and destruction. My weapon of vengeance.

The dreaded AnnCoulter!

That’s right.

You know you are fearing my wrath already.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot to add the punchline that I thought of this morning that made me lol in the first place.

“Don’t make me whip out AnnCoulter.”

‘Scuse me, while I whip this out.

Since I’m in a very good mood tonight, and more on why tomorrow, I am going to share a fun video clip that was sent in to me by Nate, who is also known as ForSquirrels.

This video was brought to mind by a friend of ForSquirrels, after he shared that simple little test from earlier in the week.

Oh, and I got a lot of emails from folks about that one, including, believe it or not, several folks that seemed to take it as a serious tactical decision on the Marine’s part, rather than a joke about mental attitude. I guess I shouldn’t have gone to the trouble of using an accurate count on the magazine size of a Glock 23. That seemed to throw folks off. It’s cool, I liked it. I hope you did too.

This video clip… well, this clip made me laugh out loud in real life. And I enjoyed it enough to actually type all that out just now, so you knew I meant it.

If I thought Shatner had written this bit, I’d give him a huge /hug. As it is, his acting was… very, very convincing. He is my new hero.

Enjoy!

I think that everyone would get along much better in a relationship, if it weren’t for a few simple misunderstandings.

So I’m going to try and break down a few of the rules men live by.

Kind of “The DaVinci Code” for guys. 

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

• Subtle hints do not work!
• Strong hints do not work!
• Obvious hints do not work!
• Just say it!

4. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

5. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. When presented with a problem, we devise a solution. That’s what we do.

If it’s really tricky, the solution may involve duct tape. 

6. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

7. Do not ever ask us if we think you are getting fat, getting old, or changing in any way. When we saw you for the first time, that image was stored, permanently, in our heads. We have no idea what you look like now. This is true 5 days after meeting you, and 5 decades. Don’t ask for comparisons. We won’t understand the question. This applies to all new hair stylings as well.

8. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

9. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. 

10. If you give us a task that requires tools and materials, and then tell us we don’t have the money to hire professional help, we will assume we are dead broke. Expect at least 8 trips to the home improvement store, as we buy only the minimum of what we think we might need to get it done on the first trip to save money, and then as we work we inevitably find “just one more thing” we need.

11. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. If we seem lost, keep in mind that we are not necessarily concerned with getting directly to our destination. We think of it as a voyage of discovery. “Okay, the night club isn’t down this way, but what is? Ahhhhh, okay. Oh, I didn’t know one of those was in this area. Cool.”

12. If it itches, it will be scratched.

13. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but we respect you too much to call you on it.

14. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

15. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really. Refer to rule 7.

16. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as video games, action movies, webcomics, music, history, sports, or politics. If we begin talking about politics, it is implicitly understood you have our permission to hit us, if that’s what it takes to stop us from flying into a blind rage. We will thank you later, depending on the cost of the hospital visit.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. We like camping.

What, you guys expect news this morning? Some can haz Blizzcon, so you figure I’m going to go blah blah blah on news? Patch is due tomorrow, so you think I’m gonna tell you what to respec to?

Nah, maybe later.

For now, here’s a joke that is 100% guaranteed to piss someone off, this close to the US Presidential election!

Is your personality best suited to the Democratic party, the Republican party, or the US Marines? A little uncertain, maybe?

Here is a little test that will help you decide for sure.
 
Just ask yourself the following question, mentally form your answer, and then match it to see where you best fit in:
 

Pop quiz, hotshot! (sorry, I liked Speed)

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes barreling around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you!

You are carrying a Glock 23 semi-automatic pistol chambered in .40 S&W, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

What DO you do?

The Democrat’s Answer: 

Wait, that’s not enough information to answer the question! 
Does the man look poor or oppressed? 
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? 
Could we run away? 
What does my wife think? 
What about the kids? 
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? 
What does local, state and Federal law say about this situation? 
Does the pistol have appropriate safety features built into it? 
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does that send to society and to my children? 
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? 
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? 
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? 
Should I call 911? 
Why is this street so deserted, anyway? 
We need to raise taxes, have a ”Paint and Weed” day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.  
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
. 
. 
. 
.

The Republican’s Answer:
 
BANG!
.
.
.
.

The Marine’s Answer:
 
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
(Sounds of reloading)
 
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
(Sounds of reloading)

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the 150 grain Cor-Bons or the 155 grain Silvertips?”
 
Son: “Can I shoot the next one?”
 
Wife: “You are NOT taking that to the Taxidermist!”

Here is a little something to brighten your day, and it doesn’t require much reading.

Simply go to the main WoW US Forums, and read this thread on the first page.

It starts out predictably enough, but the plot twists around comment 11 brought a smile to my face…

EDIT to add:

Sadly, as the commenters noted, the thread was deleted. Which is very interesting, considering the hate and other crap that gets left on the forums on a daily basis, but okay.

As was mentioned below, just so you know what you missed, a Blood Elf Hunter named Dárk or something very similar came onto a realm forum, saying he was a recent realm transfer in full Tier 6 with such-and-such awesome gear, saying he was looking for a Sunwell raiding guild.

There was the usual forum trollage of him, folks mocking him as a ’serious’ raider if he’s wearing full Tier 6, since apparently real hunters wouldn’t wear all 8 pieces of Tier 6.

His Armory showed he had 377 Enchanting, he had logged out with the Baron Deathcharger mount buff, and had equipped 8/8 Tier 6.

The guy got real pissy, saying his gear clearly showed he had the skills to raid, and telling people to leave him alone.

At post 11, someone showed a Craigslist posting, from the day before, listing that exact same character, right down to the Baron mount, 8/8 Tier 6, and Enchanting skill level, for sale for $500.

The thread erupted into laughter.

.

:

::

You know, my wife has visited the site, she is always looking for a bargain of some kind (right now she keeps looking at all the people selling backyard swing and tower/slide sets) and shown me those kinds of listings.

We have both laughed about them, and wondered who would spend that kind of cash.

Now, now we know.