Archive for the “Humor” Category

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That is all. You can now carry on with the rest of your pew pewing day.

Comments 6 Comments »

I was thinking about the difficulty of dancing around the point in last night’s post, when I struck upon the solution.

I’m turning this into an opportunity for you to show off YOUR writing chops!

I’ll present the same setup as was on the Phineas and Ferb “Where’s Perry?” Part Two show last night, and you share YOUR idea for the perfect sarcastic, snarky retort!

The genius is, the setup is classically cliché, so when a brilliant retort comes, it breaks your expectations. You get a cliché setup line, you expect a cliché response.

That makes the “holy crap” factor all the better.

So, to set the scene.

Two people, normally enemies, have been forced to work together towards a common goal. We’ll call one the evil mad scientist and the other one the snarky action hero.

Right in the middle of a crisis, where the mad scientist is whipping together an invention to save the world but in the process is making a big mess and stealing parts from just about everything the action hero will need to survive, and the two might plummet to their deaths at any moment because of in flight parts cannibalization of their plane, the mad scientist turns to the action hero and says;

“One day we’ll look back on this moment and laugh.”

And then YOU instantly reply…

Comments 27 Comments »

Excuse me a moment, while I give a /salute to some truly epic writing.

There is good writing, and then there is that miraculous moment when someone nails a line so well, it is instantly quotable.

A line of dialogue, a retort, a reply, a snarky comment that is so freaking spot on perfect that the second you hear it, you try and memorize it for later.

It becomes legend.

Tonight, the second part of the “Where’s Perry?” storyline played out on Phineas and Ferb.

Alex and I recorded it, and watched it together.

There came a moment, as Doctor Doofenschmirtz verbally sparred with Major Monogram, that such a line of dialogue happened.

It wasn’t just me. Major Monogram said it, and Alex and I both did a simultaneous spit take, then roared with uncontrollable laughter.

I won’t sully the moment by rendering it in cold, dead print, because with many of these moments, part of the perfection is the delivery. And the delivery was perfect.

If I’ve enticed you, I’m sure you’ll be able to find the episode soon enough, the internet seems made for spreading video like a virus.

But honestly… here’s to you, the writers and voice actors of Phineas and Ferb, for giving me a line of dialogue that was right up there with the best of them.

Yippee Kai Yay, Motherfuckers.

Comments 5 Comments »

All right, don’t rip my head off for thinking this, but isn’t there something ethically wrong with the whole Superman/Clark Kent thing?

Specifically, Clark Kents job as a reporter.

I mean, let’s see if I’ve got this right.

You’ve got a guy, he works for a news reporting service, he’s a journalist, he’s supposed to provide news reporting from an impartial, unbiased point of view.

But when something comes up and he goes to report on events as they unfold, if things don’t go the way he likes he takes action to change things to his satisfaction as he sees it.. and then reports on the new situation without making any mention that, hey, you know, shit might have happened differently if the REPORTER didn’t become part of the story.

Am I the only one who ever wondered about that? I mean, how do you objectively report about how you saved the world?

“And then Superman, his manly muscles gleaming in the early morning Sun, swooped below the falling airliner and grasped the airframe in his large hands, and holding the entire thing together by an act of near godlike will, he carried it and it’s grateful passengers to safety. Many of whom would have thrown their panties at his feet, had he but asked.”

You mean, YOU did that. Right? You’re reporting on what you just did. And that’s okay?

And what about all those exclusive interviews he had with.. himself? I am sure he asked himself some very, very tough questions. I bet he really put himself on the spot.

Like just what he did with all those robots in the Fortress of Solotiude, anyway. You had robot duplicates of Lois lane and Lana Lang? Wasn’t that a bit invasive? How did you make sure they were… correct? X-Ray vision?

Did you ask consent first?

In other digressions worthy of a lawsuit…

Does anyone else remember the Shazam!/Isis Power Hour show from the late 1970s?

The premise of the Shazam! part of the show was the kid, Billy Batson, was driven from town to town by his mentor, in a Winnibago. They’d go to a new town, the kid would wander into trouble, and then turn into a super-powered adult to smash the bad guys.

Now, putting aside the whole ‘Winnibago super-hero’ thing for a minute, which all by itself is comedy gold, let’s look at this concept in a modern day world.

Pretend, just for a minute, that the whole “adult and young boy traveling from town to town in a van’ thing is done scrupulously clean and wholesome. Let’s just pretend. We’re bigger than that.

If this were to be on the air today, how could this not take a dark trip into “trolling for child pornographer” territory?

It’s a perfect setup for a plotline where a young boy is sent out as bait to entice child rapists and pornographers, only to have him transform into a super-strong, invulnerable godlike being who then tears them all apart with his bare hands, can fly to catch them when they run, and use the wisdom of Solomon to outwit their attempts to escape his wrath.

I’m just saying, was I just too young to get what other people were thinking about the show, grasp the subtext or connotations of the chickenhawk, or were we really that freaking naive back then? 

If this show came on the airwaves today, all I’m saying is, there better be some serious bloodshed, some wrath of the gods brought down on the unjust.

I can’t imagine it ever being green lit in modern time, because talk about touching a nerve.

Don’t we ALL wish our children could turn into invulnerable super-heroes to save themselves from the very real evil that hunts them out there?

Every time I see the news, the children going missing, the bodies being found, the people with child pornography on their computers, I know I wish MY son was an invulnerable super-strong being, because the real world is fucking terrifying to a parent.

And yet, I see that movie Kick Ass on the screen, and they almost went there, but not quite. So maybe it is something that could make TV. Or be in Kick Ass 2.

Sigh. Oh, for the good old days where a ward was just a ward.

Comments 7 Comments »

Alex was running around gathering pots in the Dalaran Sewers, and he noticed a spot of instruction going on.

There was this rat… and he seemed to be teaching a class, with four little turtles eagerly listening to every squeak.

I wonder… is he preparing his pupils for the coming of Pet Battles?

Are these turtles of teenage years busy honing their ninja skills?

ouch!

Sorry, stuck my finger. I have to go pull this Splinter out… be back soon!

Comments 7 Comments »

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