Archive for the “Soapbox” Category

Been working crazy this week, getting things fixed that went belly up.

Today, I had a moment of pure ‘wtf did he just say’ that I wanted to share.

Had a machine get erratic a few days ago. Nailed down what the core issue was, a mixture of operators that are untrained but ordered to run the machine anyway, and a shaft that was slightly bent because, well, see reason number 1.

Folks in management ‘wanted to be sure’, so they insisted we fly in the manufacturer’s tech to troubleshoot the system for us.

I was all for that, seeing as how that way I can take the opportunity to have the manufacturer’s tech train the operators on the RIGHT way to do things. Sometimes, the ‘pro from Dover’ really is damn handy to have come into town.

The tech flew in yesterday, and what do you know, he found the shaft was slightly bent. He also spent over two hours doing training with our best operator, and corrected just a MASSIVE amount of training misconceptions. I did a brief write up afterwards, but the final result wasn’t very flattering. I’ll put it this way, there was a very good reason this particular machine was never able to run at top speeds, even when brand new.

On the positive side, I went over our maintenance procedures with him and he was quite complimentary about how well we take care of the machine. Aside from, you know, people who put massive weights on 3″ steel shafts unsupported on one end and then expect them to maintain true balance.

So I pulled the shaft this morning, crated it up and shipped it out the door. Manufacturer will receive it tomorrow, straighten it out and ship it back, we’ll get it on Monday. No worries.

The shaft is about 7′ long, 3″ diameter and solid steel. Things only weighs 150 lbs, but it’s an awkward bundle to ship once wrapped up.

I send out all of my email notifications, and then I contact the manufacturer to get pricing and availability on a replacement shaft to have in stock for backup, so if we have this same issue crop up again in the future, which God forbid will never happen again but wasn’t supposed to happen the FIRST time, at least I’m not down three days on shaft repair turnarounds.

Here’s what I get told.

Dead serious.

“Oh sure, I’ll get with the home office and request a quote on that. But I’m afraid you’ll have to wait to hear back on Monday. The offices in the UK are all closed tomorrow for the wedding.”

Wait, what? What wedding?

Is your company owner getting married?

“No, THE WEDDING.”

What wedding?

“THE WEDDING. You know, THE WEDDING.”

Huh.

Okay, well, thanks, I’ll wait to hear back on Monday then.

Geez, you woulda thought something important was happening tomorrow or something.

Closed the offices? REALLY?

Seriously? “we could be making some money right now, but to hell with that, we’ve got a wedding to watch!”

And people ask me why the economy is in the shitter.

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Once upon a time, there was a jarhead. This jarhead, we’ll call him Bear, was issued a set of uniforms in boot camp. Parris Island, oorah.

Amongst this uniform issue were a pair of boots.

Bear wore those boots day and night. Through mud, sleet, icy rain, sand fleas and scorching heat, those boots wore in and then wore on. 

For years, those boots were THE boots. The leather got scuffed up to the point that they couldn’t be spit-shined for inspection anymore, but crawling in the boonies will do that, no matter how well you service the leather. Even when I retired them from my ‘inspection kit’, they remained the boots I wore every single day.

There came the inevitable jokes, as new Marines would join the unit, and this old salty Sergeant would laugh about his boots having more time in the field than they had in the Corps.

I didn’t give those old boots much thought. I cleaned them and polished them and kept them in good repair, but I took them for granted. I put ‘em on in the morning and took them off at night, and if I thought of them at all it was to be grateful I didn’t have to drop money on more boots. When the heels got worn down, I’d take them into town and get new heels mounted at a cobblers, and kept on marching. They were just boots, you put them on your feet and got about the business of the day.

There finally came a time when those boots just weren’t serviceable anymore. The toes was too roughed up to pass inspection, the leather sides were saturated with the white salt that comes from years of sweat soaking through despite the best care. Bear had to get new boots. :(

The new style of boots now had canvas sides instead of leather. I mourned the passing of my leather-sided boots even as I clung desperately to my last serviceable set of faded cotton camouflage utilities.  At the time, they were just switching over to rip-stop poplin cammies, but if your original issue were still serviceable and in good repair, you could wear them. This meant that if you were a salty old Marine, you damn well took care of those original issue, just to have something to wear to drive officers bugshit crazy at inspections. (FYI, cammies aren’t supposed to be faded almost white from years in the sun.)

I bought my new boots, worked some saddle soap in good and strong, polished ‘em up, and went out for a quick run to ‘break them in’.

I limped back broke down and sore. It felt like the damn things were trying to kill me with an almost malicious animosity. I could understand how rumors get started about shit being possessed, because those boots tried to kill me. 

I’d thought my feet had toughened up in my old boots to the point I could run like wearing boots was nothing, but all along I just had a real well-broken in pair of boots. They were so perfectly suited to me that I never noticed how awesome they were.

They’d faded into the background.

I sure as heck didn’t take my new boots for granted. Those things had my full, complete, and undivided attention. I lavished hours on those pieces of shit trying to break them in before they broke ME in. Fun runs became a misery, simple troop movements became a kind of hell. It took months to break those things in, and I learned a lot about how to heal (heel?) damage done to feet in the meantime. I also learned that when your feet are trashed, everything else gets that much harder to do.

What does any of this have to do with anything?

For one thing, it’s a true story. I always like those.

For another thing, we’ve got a big patch coming out in World of Warcraft tomorrow.

This one is going to be a big one. A lot is going to change. I know Blizzard has said they want to do small patches with great frequency, but you couldn’t prove it by me. People are going to be pleased for the most part, I think, but I’m sure there will be some grumpiness. There always is, and sometimes with good reason.

When a patch first gets announced, everyone goes running off to see what’s inside. What’s changing, what do we get, how will my class look tomorrow, aw damn they’re nerfing cut green gem vendor prices, oh look we get new instances, oh wow are bears really getting Swipe at that level? What new shiny? What?

What I’d like everyone to do, as a favor to me, is to take a deep breath tonight, before it goes live. Take a minute not to think about the changes that lie ahead, not to plan on what you wanna see FIRST, but instead reflect on all the things in the game that are so right, so perfect just the way they are, that we don’t even notice them anymore. Things we take for granted like a pair of comfy old boots.

I know for me, one of those things is simply playing within a game world where I can fly from sea to shining sea, sunrise to sunset, and glory in a seamless world of beauty and wonder.

Azeroth in all of it’s brilliant complexity is a vibrant world, full of rich ecosystems that live and breathe to their own rhythyms. It’s the first game world I ever encountered where I didn’t have a loading screen every 15 minutes when trying to go somewhere. I didn’t have to ‘zone in’ to walk from town to town… I just walked, and the world was there, unfolding before me. Even crazier, there were other people already there!

That town up ahead? People! Real people! Sure, if it was Crossroads, they were probably asshats, but they were still real people! Okay, if it was Crossroads, that’s debatable, but they were not bots! Wait a second… shit, I’m not doing this so well, am I? 

You can talk about so much else in the game, but for me, that’s the one key thing that is so easy to take for granted, the one part of the game that is invisible to see. But it’s there for me, and it’s what makes everything else work for me. It’s what the whole game hangs on; my ability to suspend disbelief for the biggest whopper of the game, that the world is real, and huge, and exists somewhere in entirety.

It is a persistent world, and even now when I step back and think about that, it gives me a little thrill of geekdom. Azeroth is an entire persistant virtual world, and at any time in some far-off corner of the globe, someone is doing something for reals. Taming beasts, mining ore, fishing lakes and streams, discovering new villages and exploring secret mountain peaks.

It’s so easy to quibble about the little shit, and after a while of that, it can feel that the entire game is about all these itty bitty little changes and tweaks, with some folks happy and others pissed off.

No matter what happens, for today there is an entire world waiting out there to be discovered… and once explored, to be mastered. There are people from all over the world IN the world, people to be met, people to befriend, people to /ignore and /spit on if that’s what floats your boat.

And I can do it all without having to go out and get in the car, where gas costs $4 bucks a gallon. Screw that.

Maybe you’re tired of the game, and after all these years I wouldn’t blame you a bit.

For me, sometimes, I just gotta step back and do my best Keanu Reeves “Whoa” impersonation. tonight I plan on doing just that.

See you in Neverland!

Oh, and if you made it this far, you deserve a cookie.

Here’s a picture of me with my gaming pal and surfing buddy Sgt Wasson, with me in my faded old school cammies that used to drive the butterbars nuts. You’ll notice that I didn’t even have to have the nametapes on! Look at that smartass grin. Yep, that much ain’t changed. Now that’s old school, baby. Enjoy!

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Day two of our epic odyssey kicked off with some walking and some bus riding.

We visited the Nature Museum, the Lincoln Park Zoo, and the Children’s Museum at Navy Pier. The Nature Museum was, by far, the best place for Alex to explore and learn and have fun.

It turns out that this was the very first time ever that Cassie had set foot on a metro bus. It was a very nice bus, it made an effort to tell us that it was a hybrid, clean air bus.

I suppose everyone has their first time at everything, but… well, I certainly felt my poor-as-dirt roots, you know? I’ve spent plenty of time getting to and from work by bus, not because I was interested in being green, but because I didn’t have the money for a damn car. Or insurance. Or gas.

Now begins a very personal rant on green energy in our personal lives. If you just want WoW stuffs, tune out and turn off. It’s cool. But I’m gonna get this off my chest and return to having fun.

I’m going to give you my take on the reality of being green, because over the course of the day it has been in my face everywhere. The buses we took, the Nature Museum “Green Room”, the Childrens Museum at Navy Pier, most places we passed through. Wherever I looked, there was something telling me that I was a burden on the ecosystem and implied that I should be ashamed for using water, gas, food, plastics or air. This annoyed me.

Being green is the luxury of people with enough money to have alternatives in their life. If you have a family, you need groceries to feed them, you don’t want a damn hybrid clean air bus to ride to and fro on their schedule, you want a minivan you can get the damn food in and get home. That’s luxury, right there, the ability to just get up, go and get what you need and get back without having to plan your entire day around how to get the groceries and bring them back to your house.

Anything that can reduce the amount of time you spend out of your life and your families’ lives going about the business of doing daily chores is precious. The time savings of the modern industrial age is supposed to be the miracle that lets us turn our attention to things other than working in our home gardens all day to keep our plots productive and abundant.

If you like gardening, more power to you. Trying to impose your love of gardening on other people in the name of being green is being a dick.

You can do things that reduce how much energy you use, of course. I am all in favor of many of them, because reducing the energy you use also corresponds to a direct savings in money you spend. Use less gas, buy less gas. I like that logic. Turn lights off, reduce energy bill. Sounds good. Use less water, reduce my water bill. Hey, I can follow that. I understand.

Having had parents that damn well couldn’t afford to pay the electric bill some months, or the water, or tried like hell to make arrangements for payments so the phone didn’t get cut off, or the gas… you know, so we could keep COOKING FOOD or take a bath? Yeah, I can grasp the concept of reducing energy use to save money.

What I strenuously object to is the concept that I, by existing, are by definition a burden on society, and should have to pay credits to earn the right to use energy. Kiss my big bear butt.

If you’d like to compare who has contributed to society as a whole, and who hasn’t, and determine who deserves to exist in that fashion, I’ll put my past up against people pointing fingers and telling others how they should live their lives any day of the week.

I start from the simple point of view that I will use what I have to that I can afford to provide myself and my family with a solid, dependable life, with as much free time as possible spent living it.

If you want me to take a bus, then have it stop at my front door and I’d better have room for plenty of groceries. Oh, and it should be available when I need it. You want me to drive a hybrid or an electric car, then it should be as cost effective as the car I’ve got now… and no, that doesn’t mean you jack the cost of the gas my car uses up so that in the long run it’s far more expensive than the initial outlay on your electric. If you use an electric car in your daily life, it must be nice never having to go more than 8 hours from home… ever. You know, before you have to let it recharge over night.

Something rich assholes seem to forget; most of us still need to get to and from our jobs. And some of us can be called in at a moments’ notice. We might not be able to leave our car plugged in over night.

You want to make decisions for your life, then go ahead. That’s being responsible. Be militant about what you do yourself for you and your family.

I draw the line at you or anyone else telling me what I should or should not do in the name of whatever cause you are fixated on. You are not being responsible FOR me, I’m taking care of that just fine, and again, kiss my ass for being arrogant enough to think you know how I should live my life better than I do.

I’m glad you’ve got the luxury and free time to think that your way is the right way for everyone else to live, but speaking just for me and the way I grew up…

I clawed my way to where I am now, and I damn well used precious little in the way of the worlds’ natural resources to do it. My goal in life has always been to provide a better way of life for MY children than I had growing up, so they could have abundance where I knew only scarcity.

I’ll be damned if you come along now while sipping your latte and driving your $40,000 electric yuppymobile and tell me I’m a burden on society and that I should stop my evil consuming ways.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to return to my vacation, where I am futilely trying to pretend for my son that there are not tens of thousands of people suffering and dying in Japan right now, while I’m tearing my guts out thinking of all the wonderful people I met in Japan during my time overseas who are living a true nightmare I can’t even begin to grasp.

Yes, I know my rant is at least partially fueled by my frustration and feelings of powerlessness over being able to do NOTHING about what’s going on in Japan. That’s fine. I still do feel this way about green bullshit, so why not just say it.

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I’ve been writing for too damn long. I’ve reached the point where, every time I think about doing a storytime because I’m reminded of something, I can’t remember… did I tell that one already?

I can’t just refer to my “Storytime” category. For a long time, I would intentionally segue… well, shit, I want to type “Segway” now because of that damn scooter, I can’t remember how it’s properly spelled. Yay. I could look it up, but I feel stupid enough about forgetting how to spell it in the first place, so screw it, I’ll just leave it for you to feel smugly superior over.

What was I saying, jeez… oh yeah. For a long time, I’d write these humongous bearwalls, and I’d start with one topic, drift into a completely unrelated mini-storytime, and then drift back.

I have now published 1,356 posts as of this writing. I can’t keep track of what I’ve said anymore.

My only saving grace here, is that if I do repeat a story… well, they’re all true, and I don’t lie (although I certainly will change the names of people to protect the guilty… and because I don’t know what statutes of limitations across country and state lines really are for what I may have pulled in the past) so if I tell one over again… I’m just emulating every other jarhead at the local Legion hall, right? It’s a tradition I’d be proud to carry on.

This rambling brings me directly to the point of this post; being yourself.

I don’t know if you read the Pink Pigtail Inn… I assume you do, because Larísa is more awesome than I am.

Anyway, if you’ve read the writings of the Inn’s hostess for any length of time, you know that she’s intelligent, funny, articulate, sweet and above all else, COURTEOUS.

She’s quite the hostess. Someone can be a massive douche in her comments, and yet she’s always remained on the polite side of the border when it comes to dealing with it. An innate ability to turn the other cheek, perhaps? Or is she really just that nice? I’m not saying she takes any shit, she certainly doesn’t, it’s just that she doesn’t descend to the level of mud-slinging or incendiary dropping to boot the little dillwad that I would.

Let me put it this way; I would vote Larísa the blogger most likely to violate the upper limits of Dunbar’s number than Godwin’s Law.

This being the case, you can imagine the moment of shock I felt when I read the PPI post that went up earlier this week, called “Publish and be damned“.

I started reading, and right away, I had to stop. What the heck was this? Where the hell did all this profanity come from?

I went back to the top of the post… ah! That’s not Larísa’s name as the author, it’s Tamarind! Tamarind of Righteous Orbs, of course.

That explains it. :)

I read Tamarind’s guest post, thinking all the while, “So, here is finally the best blog post of 2010. How like Tam to post it in 2011 just so it can’t win any Piggies.”

‘Piggies’, of course, being what I call the awards Larísa was giving out recently for great blogging. :)

There’s a lot o’ fun stuff in the post about big versus little bloggers, and courtesy and behavior and all that jazz. Great post, definitely a must read.

Just… be careful. Appropriately enough for someone with righteous orbs, Tam’s kinda got a thing for dicks. There’re dicks all OVER that post. Dick dick dick dick dick. After a while, you just start feeling violated by that many dicks, you know? I don’t know about you, but I’d never write a post with the word dick in it that many times, I’d be thinking the reader would start feeling a little uncomfortable, especially with having dicks coming at your eyes over and over like that. It’d be fine if there was some tits or ass mixed in there, but no, it was just a lot of dicks. Now, Tam’s undoubtedly got no issues with all the dicks you could imagine being shoved in your face, but you, my readers… you’re more cultured. More sensitive. More civilized.

…. what?

I write something like that, and I always wonder how many readers I just lost. But then I remember the movie “Star Trek: Save the Whales“, and I feel better. If Spock can drop a ‘hell’ or a ‘double dumbass’, so can I. And I do take to heart the single most important fact that Star Trek IV taught me; “Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.”

Hey, go watch the movie and check if you don’t believe me. That movie prepared me for life in the Marine Corps very well. Damnit.

Let me, after only 750 words into a post, finally get to a point (besides quoting Star Trek or pointing you to Tams post, both laudable reasons to post in and of themselves).

If you’re going to write a blog, the very first thing you need to do is be honest. With yourself, with anyone who might come reading, with everyone.

Be yourself. I’m not a Shakespeare fanatic, but “To thine own self be true” is awesome advice, and I even know where that one comes from.

More of that quote, Paul Harvey’s ‘The rest of the story”, would be:

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

A lot of Tam’s post concerned drama. I don’t really care too much about drama, myself. If you say what you really think on your own blog, then you’ve done what I expect from a good writer. You can use tact or not, whatever your personality is about, but first and foremost be honest and true to your own thoughts and beliefs.

What I care about is knowing that when I read the writings of someone, that they are being true to themselves, and telling me what they really think. I don’t have to agree with them, I don’t even have to like them. What I’m going to do is try and see things from your point of view, and take that with everything else I know about you from your writings, and see if there is much to be learned from you. To see, in fact, if I should toss out some preconception I had and replace it with your keener insight and understanding on that subject.

If you’re not being honest, it’s going to be difficult to get to know the real you, and learn from your point of view.

I may not be Shakespeare, but I too can play the part of an overblown windbag giving advice to a short-attention-span youngster out to conquer the world;

It is said that for everyone in the world, there is that special someone waiting to be found. Well, for every blogger personality, there are like minded people reading blogs. Be yourself, whatever that may be, and you will attract readers who are of like mind. Wouldn’t you love to meet people who are of like mind, who appreciate what you say and how you say it? How better to find friends whose company you will enjoy?

Do not try to be what you are not, for the readers you attract won’t be coming to spend time with you, they’ll be coming to spend time with some fictional stranger you are pretending to be.

I’m very serious. Don’t let concerns of politeness or courtesy or skill in writing or any of that bog you down. Be yourself, whatever that may be, and trust in the fact that there ARE people who will be attracted to your writing. It may take exposure to alert them you’re out there… but if WoW Insider links to you, there is a good reason that 1500 people will read your post that day, but only 15 will stay on as regular readers. Those 15 people were the ones that enjoyed the way you think, and decided to stick around. They felt comfortable.

Those are the ONLY folks you want to stick around. And get to know them!

Do you really want all the rest of those people to stay? Is it sheer force of numbers you’re seeking? Or is it a place to have a conversation with friends or like-minded spirits?

I’m truly being serious, this is the most important lesson in my opinion to give anyone writing publicly. Be yourself. Don’t try and get everyone to read you, write for yourself and attract YOUR kind of people to come read you.

Whether you’re goofy and exuberant or quiet and thoughtful, smart and analytical or profane and aggressively asshattish, there are readers for every writer.

Even Gevlon. :)

Gevlon’s a great example that you don’t have to be a kissass to be read and enjoyed by people. So don’t try to be one!

You don’t have to be bare assed naked up on stage with your real name and all that hanging out, trying to dig into the deeper meaning of being you, either. If you want to write from an ‘in character’ RP point of view, that’s fine. Or use an alter ego or persona to provide yourself a filter to protect your true identity, you super hero you.

It’s fun to be the Big Bear Butt… but BBB sounds an awful lot like John Patricelli because, oh wow, it’s the same dude. Talk through the persona of Tamarind or whoever you’d like, but let the thoughts and feelings behind the words be your own, and not what you think someone else wants to hear to make you more popular. 

If you say what you think and people don’t like it… as long as it is exactly what you really think, then so what? There will also be people that DO like it.

Don’t worry about the people that hate on you, did you really get along with everyone in High School? Really? I don’t know about you, but I took it as a point of pride that I didn’t get along with some of those idiots… they were freaking morons. I don’t want morons nodding their heads and loving everything I say, I want morons confused, or, in a perfect world, whipped into a white hot incandescant rage, spittle flying from their lips.

There are so many distinctive voices out there, and I would love to see yours out there too. If you start your own blog… please. Be yourself. The friends you make will be drawn to you, and not to some mistaken idea of what they think you are.

You’ll be a LOT happier in the long run.

/endsoapbox

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There’s something that I’ve wanted to talk about for a very long time now.

My friend Manny and I used to have this discussion a lot, before he quit playing World of Warcraft.

What I’m going to talk about is mostly for folks that love playing World of Warcraft or other computer-based Role Playing Games and MMORPGs, but who have never played live tabletop or ‘pen and paper’ RPGs (like Dungeons and Dragons) with friends and a living, breathing game master running a story and the NPCs.

The convenience of MMORPGs over tabletop role playing

World of Warcraft and other pre-programmed role playing games are a lot of fun, no question.

One of the biggest advantages of these pre-programmed games is their convenience; we can play on our own schedule, for as long as or as short as we’d like. 

The single greatest drawback of table top RPGs has always been that you have to get your friends together in one place before you can play.

Think of it like this; with a tabletop RPG, the only thing you can EVER do is raid with other people. There is NO grinding, leveling, crafting, playing the Auction House, farming mats on your own to prepare for the raid, nada. Nothing exists in the game except for raid time, when everyone is all gathered together.

If you want to prepare things before the next session, like research new spells or create a sword, or if you even want a solo adventure, typically you tell your game master what you’re doing, and it’s assumed it happened during the time before the next live game session. Very rarely do you sit down and game it out one on one… although it happens. Why not? Because time you spend on a solo adventure is personal time you’re getting that the rest of your group is not. Hard feelings can occur, unless everyone is eqaully getting their own personal time for a solo adventure.

The group is what is at the heart of the session.

All of the things that cause problems for people organizing MMORPG raids also applies to table top gaming; you have to get everyone to show up on time, you have to set start times when it’s convenient for everyone to get together, and you can only play for as long as the entire group can hang in there. Plus, everyone has to live close enough together to show up in person. Yes, modern advances in communication can help get through that, but it becomes ever harder to play if someone isn’t at the table.

In addition to all that, a table top RPG story is rarely if ever started, played through and finished in just one session. Just like the very long raids with multiple bosses you see in raid instances with stages or wings, a table top RPG story generally lasts for many sessions. It can even take real world years of weekends for a group to complete an involved story from start to finish, presumably having lots of fun along the way.

If you’ve ever tried to get an MMORPG raid together across multiple nights to finish a clear, you know what that means; having to deal with players that started the story with everyone, that eventually don’t show up for a game. In an MMORPG you can try and find someone else, because the story isn’t personal; a DPS is a DPS, a tank is a tank, the story moves forward regardless, and can be experienced again next week. Nobody missing a session, except for a group first encounter, truly misses out on the story experience forever.

In a table top RPG, this is far more of a problem, because the story is written specifically for the characters, everything revolves aruond them and only them, and usually every character has a critical role they could play. If someone can’t make it, it takes a lot more than joining ‘looking for gamer’ to fill the critical role. Worst yet, the player misses out on part of the story that can never be repeated again. There are no resets. You can have the horrible situation where the GM has to play that person’s character as an NPC so that the rest of the players can continue, or having to cancel the session entirely. If the game goes on, then the missing player has to find out what “they” did, feeling left out and having their character used by someone else, a terrible situation all around.

With all of these advantages to playing in virtual groups through the internet over in-person table top RPGs, is it any wonder that MMORPGs are so popular? Most of us that play have a love for imaginative adventure, romance, swords and sorcery and dragon slaying, and by playing an MMORPG we are able to do this with friends from all over the world, whenever it’s convenient for us.

We can pick up the story, play for a while, and then ‘pause’ it to go have dinner, read to our children, watch the Superbowl or anything else we want to do, knowing it will be right there waiting for us where we left off, like a good novel.

We can even get our ‘group’ gaming on with small groups or big raids, feeling just like our old tabletop gaming sessions, but this time we don’t have to limit ourselves to friends that live close enough to drive over to our house, and we don’t need a special gaming room with a table and chairs big enough for the group. And we don’t need to worry about everyone remembering to bring dice, or their character sheets, or what have you.

We even get to enjoy our gaming without having to smell that one dude that somehow never learnt what this mystical thing called a ‘shower’ is. I’m talking more about gaming with high school friends there, but if you’re an old school gamer, you know what I mean.

So, it’s all great, right? Playing online RPGs like World of Warcraft and Champions Online and Everquest and Rift and all that is about as awesome as it could be.

Right?

With all that, why would anyone ever want to play a table top RPG again?

The difference in goals between MMORPGs and table top RPGs

The core of the table top role playing game is NOT the same as in any pre-programmed MMORPG.

When playing an MMORPG, the structure of the game design in modern times is to create your character, and then advance in level, increasing your character’s power, improving your gear and overcoming ever greater and more difficult obstacles both solo and as a group. The challenges are pre-programmed, and thus have set difficulty levels, and preset strategies determined by the mechanics of each encounter in relation to the potential capabilities of the characters.

With the content and the mechanics of the encounters pre-determined, the player who wishes to exert influence and control over his or her chances of success are left with only one area to improve; character buffing. To increase in level, obtain equipment with more optimized stats for the role being played, to refine and perfect a set style of attack and defense to be as near the programmed perfect potential as possible.

This all results from the lack of personal choices the player has to exert over the set mechanics in order to succeed. A player will seek out any way to use their own imagination, initiative and skill in order to overcome the challenges in a game. If there are limited choices to be made, then those remaining gain importance. You do what you can.

With that kind of mindset, of working within strict limitations for exerting your own influence on the game, it can seem as though that is normal for role playing games. After all, from what people know about table top RPGs, most of them also had character levels, magic items, and even pre-made scenarios for game masters to run with players. Old gamers even talk lovingly of the loot they acquired and of the power they exerted over game worlds.

It’s not strictly true, though. The difference is, a table-top RPG is not pre-programmed and rigid. An encounter or challenge may be pre-determined in terms of hit points, attack potentials, special moves, all that kind of thing.

What makes the difference? The fact that the options a character has, the choices and actions a character can make, cannot be pre-programmed or limited except by imagination. 

Leaving aside the issue of class balancing, even if you are playing a game built with classes that have balanced combat capabilities, you can always choose to improvise, to come up with alternative solutions using the world around you, and the people you can meet within it. You can try and win over allies from amongst the enemy or the townspeople. You can try and anticipate the challenges, and build contraptions, or go in completely unexpected directions. You can even decide that your goals are to get to the king, and instead of fighting all the guards grinding your way from boss to boss, you’re going to bribe your way in disguised as merchants, get invites to the crown ball, and then launch your own unexpected attack from within. Or fight your way in through the hordes, or do something else not originally intended… but it’s not what was intended, it was what you decided to actually do.

The point is, a table top RPG is not a fixed series of encounter with rigid options for dealing with them. You have the power to exert your imagination… and never have to wonder if “climb a tree to hide” is a programmed option for your character to make. Or “bluff the sheriff with a dazzling line of bullshit”, for that matter.

How does the difference in goals affect the different playstyles?

Because the choices you make in table top RPGs are limited only by your imagination, the focus switches from leveling/gearing/grinding towards a goal, and becomes more about exploring the possibilities of your character. It becomes critical to create a unique character and play a role you enjoy, improvising along the way. You never know what’s going to happen next, and it’s up to you to decide what kind of approach you will take to solving problems or overcoming those challenges. There is no strategy guide to rely on to tell you what to do; you have to come up with the ides on your own.

Everything is original, even if it’s a packaged campaign, because of the special ingredient; you.

With such a wide open world of possibilities, the point of table top role playing was to get together with friends and use your imagination to play the role of someone else, to get outside your own head for a little while and play pretend.

It’s very liberating, and also extremely challenging. By definition, you’re not trying to be yourself or do what comes naturally, you’re trying to get yourself into somebody else’s head.

Typical table top games do involve combat, and teamwork, and challenges to be overcome, mysteries to be investigated and solved, what have you. All very common frameworks for modern MMORPGs. The reason for that is the table top RPG follows the framework of a story with protagonists, and YOU are the protagonists. Any story where there are main characters can be duplicated as a GM-run tabletop RPG… and the types of stories that lend themselves well to drama, adventure and excitement find lots of traction in those kinds of games.

There is absolutely no reason why you couldn’t have almost any setting or story take place as a table top RPG, though. May I direct you, ever so briefly, to the game Bunnies and Burrows to prove my point.

The critical difference here is that the table top RPG evolved from the Chainmail rules for fighting with miniatures, and grew into a type of game where imagination and the individual character are the center of it all.

The point was never specifically the character leveling and stats, those were the vehicles we used for playing our created personalities.

What I’m trying to say here is, if your only experience with role playing games is the computerized versions, you should understand that table top role playing gamers had a label for people who play the way most MMORPGs are designed to be played; Munchkins.

Thanks be to Darths and Droids today for providing me with a beautifully worded short description of a gaming munchkin;

“Munchkin” is a term used to describe certain types of gamers, namely those who make use of every avenue and loophole in the game rules to maximise the stats, abilities, and power level of their character, making the character into an awesome overpowered killing machine capable of gathering more loot and experience and becoming ever more powerful, even if it means occasionally pulling a fast one or ignoring certain other rules that might provide limitations. Oh, and roleplaying an actual character concept is secondary to making the character ever buffer and the acquisition of more loot and more powerful weapons, if it’s considered at all.

This is a stereotype mindset that table top RPG players know very well, and the whole reason we joke about it is because these are the players that missed the point of the game; to use your imagination and have fun. To improvise. To focus more on the role playing, and less on the mechanics. People who mistake a table top RPG as a game that can be ‘won’. 

Table top RPGs aren’t about winning or losing… they’re about playing the game and enjoying the journey.

There are game systems like Call of Cthulhu, where there is simply no possible way to ‘win’; the rules that are built in specify that every time you encounter eldritch horrors, you have a chance to lose some of your sanity. Once your sanity is completely lost, your character is insane and is done, probably now an NPC under the control of the game master.

The objective of Call of Cthulhu? Why, to investigate eldritch horrors, of course. It’s not the destination, it’s the fun had in the journey. You go in knowing that your character is probably not long for this world and will die an excruciating death.

I remember an old CoC game, where I asked how many hit points the shoggoth had, and how much damage my breech loading shotgun could do. I was told it didn’t really matter; if my character was stupid enough to stand and fight, then I’d probably be eaten anyway. I was told to assume the shoggoth was from Krypton, and my shotgun was most definitely NOT loaded with kryptonite bullets. Much like the first crook facing Superman, when I saw the utterly unknown and unknowable coming at me from the dark doing impossible things, warping reality by it’s very presence, I could stand and fight, or I could run, or do whatever I felt was most appropriate in playing the role of my character, but not to worry about the hit points.

MMORPGs by their very structure encourage the use of careful research to min and max advantages and disadvantages to become as powerful as possible within the framework of the game mechanics. To ‘game the system’, going so far as to use simulations and websites devoted to theorycrafting in how to be as ultimately kick ass godlike powerful as we can be, and then competing with other players to see who can provide the most damage per second in our fights or what have you.

It’s a munchkin training system, encouraging and promoting munchkin values. This is not a bad thing, my point is that it’s the result of having player choices being limited not by the imagination, but by a rigid adherence to what a player can affect and change within the game. 

Class balance is not a fundamental RPG trait

In an MMORPG, game mechanics are all mathematically calculated, and in most systems coming out there is a built-in player versus player aspect as well, meaning that each type of character has to be able to be built in such a way that no one player is inherently more powerful than another. The goal has to be to balance the classes with equivalent power levels so that skill in play is the deciding factor when you classes square off, not class design.

That is a completely foreign concept to the original table top role playing games. In fact, in the original Dungeons and Dragons, it was a fact of life that low level groups would have to protect the mostly ineffectual and useless Wizards, because they had a single low level spell, and that was probably Feather Fall in case their rope broke while being pulled up a cliff. And by having one spell, I don’t mean per fight, I mean per DAY. Once cast, it’s staves and daggers and run like hell.

If a thief decided to challenge the wizard to a dual to the death, and mocked the wizard when he refused… well, that could be a real bad long term career. Maybe right now, the thief could kill the wizard with a pointy stick. But someday, further down the road? The wizard is going to be able to change the world with a single wish, and drop flaming meteors on a city from orbit. The thief is still going to be a guy with a pointy stick. It may be a +5 vorpal short sword coated with poison, but that’s small comfort when the flaming rocks are raining down from the sky.

Not exactly a balanced fight for PvP.

The idea of class balance isn’t a table top RPG one as much as it is a staple of video games. That’s a pretty important distinction to make.

But wait! That’s not fair, is it? That characters can be weaker or stronger than others? Shouldn’t they be balanced?

In a table top RPG, you don’t need to feel pressured to play your character the way a website like Elitist Jerks tells you to; there IS no ‘wrong’ way to play your character, so long as you are playing a personality and role with imagination, and having fun with your friends. The point ain’t to be better than the other player. You’re not competing against them to ‘win’ the table tops. Unless your goal is to out think them, in which case, you should want to start with the weakest class to properly show your mental superiority.

You can try to min and max your character stats, lots of newer players do. Typically, it’s better in table top gaming to assume that if you try too hard to ‘win’ by taking intentional advantage of the rules looking for an edge in fights, the GM, acting as God, may decide to inflict your character with a dread debilitating disease. Why? To weaken your little butt so as to try and get you to focus on the role playing, palying with friends in imaginative ways, and stop obsessing about getting that last little bit of ‘oomph’ with your flail and the attack of opportunity rules.

Differences in possible story between MMORPGs and table top RPGs

When you play a pre-programmed game like World of Warcraft, the only options you have for completing a quest or accomplishing a mission are those methods that have been programmed into the game by someone else. We’ve addressed that already.

Some computer RPGs try and give you multiple conversation options, and then have stories that branch from there to result in multiple endings. That is awesome, but it’s also an attempt to simulate what tabletop games excel at; customizing the story to the player’s actions in game.

That’s what is going on, all the time, in every tabletop RPG. Your characters, and the actions YOU take, the imagination YOU employ, directly affect the story in ways that not even the game master can foresee in advance. If you read any tips for game masters, you’ll find that one of the most prevalent threads is in how to improvise and leave room for the story to flow when the players do things that the game master never expected.

This is central to the difference between MMORPGs and table top RPGs. In an MMORPG, you are taking part in the same story every single other person in the game is. At the same time.

The game itself may allow, and even encourage, you to create a character with a defined back story, personality, fun goals, great name, and provide a server for dedicated role playing where everyone talks in character.

That is great, and it IS role playing. With proper tools, you can gain the feel and fun of role playing a character personality, and with friends willing to join you, have a great time role playing to your hearts’ content.

You might even have an MMORPG that tries to incorporate personalised role playing elements, like having an archenemy that hunts you by name, or having side quests for your class, or giving special chat channels or emotes or locations to gather.

What you can’t escape, however, is the fact that the story within the game cannot be changed from it’s predetermined path by any actions that you take. You can play your character as much as you’d like, but your actions will never truly affect the story. Everything is predetermined by someone else, you are following along in that set path.

Truly brilliant writing can make it feel that YOU are the star of the story… but the story is set in stone. You are Frodo, and you are climbing the lonely path up Mount Doom, and when you reach the top, you WILL throw that ring in the volcano and umake it. You have no choice. You WILL do it, because others have decided that is what happens. Even if you choose to never take that quest, someone else did it, and the game assumes it happened, whether you wanted to or not.

In a true table top RPG, you can be in the position Frodo was, at the top of Mount Doom, and at the very end… it truly is your decision whether or not to throw that ring into the volcano… or to decide that, having proven you and oly you had the strength to get this far, that you are strong enough to handle the ring, and take it’s power on yourself. Think of all the good you could do with that kind of power! The decision really is in your hands. You could throw the ring… or put it on your hand and take the game in a completely different direction.

And Gollum might lunge for the ring with his +5 bite attack, and miss. :)

That is finally the key point I wanted to make; that a table top role playing game isn’t about a set story the players interact with; the characters, and what THEY do, are truly what everything revolves around. The characters drive the story, and what they do matters. 

In an RPG, freedom is just another word for “Will the game let me climb a tree?”

When you put it all together, computerized MMORPGs are very, very fun and convenient, but they cannot truly replace the freedom of imagination and the personalization of table top RPGs. 

A table top RPG brings together different people who are free to use their imagination to create unique and original characters. Characters who can do anything that they might reasonably dream up, and the game master provides the setting and improvises the results.

In a table top RPG, every playstyle is valid AND possible; you really can have a character that is a devout pacifist and a diplomat that tries to talk his or her way through life and trouble, and who refuses to ever take a life, no matter what the cause. And what’s more, yes you can level that way, and have a ton of fun doing so, and not be a drag on your party or friends.

You can truly play a role, and let your imagination run free. The worst that will happen is that whatever you try won’t work the way you thought it would. But you’ll never be faced with a situation where you’ll be told “I’m sorry, you can’t pick up the rock and try to bash him over the head with it. There are no rules in the game to let you pick up objects.”

No, if there is a tree, you can try to climb it. If there are sticks lying around, and you’ve got string, you can try to make a stretcher to carry a wounded comrade, or fashion a rabbit trap to catch lunch.

If you are playing with friends, and your character thinks one of them has betrayed you… you can actively work against that other character, even going so far as to make your groups’ enemies your personal allies, working against that character for the purpose of revenge.

You can do anything that you can imagine… within the limits of what is possible for the character and the personality you created and are playing.

You can use your actual imagination, with all of the crazy ideas people like us can come up with, and it’s going to be a long, long time before a pre-programmed game can provide the flexibility to take that into account.

So, if you love MMORPGs, that’s great. I do too. I really do. They are incredibly convenient, and the new ones that are coming out are trying to keep our interest by providing thousands of hours of imaginative content and quests and adventure and story.

But if you’ve never had the chance to try playing a real table top role playing game in person with your friends, please keep in mind that there are big differences… and also a very big change in your goals within the game.

If you ever get invited to join such a game, just remember;

There is no ‘right’ way to play, so long as you create a character that you’re excited to play… and you do your best to have fun playing it. There is plenty of studying and learning you could do, but don’t let munchkin goals you are familiar with overshadow the fun of creating and role playing a unique character or personality.

Don’t let yourself try and solve puzzles with just your equipped inventory… the whole world is interactive! That rock is in play! You can try to climb that cliff face to get behind the bad guys! You don’t HAVE to kill everything to win… some bad guys could possibly be taken hostage, questioned, and even turned against their masters!

Let your imagination run riot!

You could even decide to come up with a plan involving catapults, fresh chicken eggs and powdered red peppers to assault the enemy guarding the walls… it might not work, but it will certainly taunt them most viciously!

In the end, the lack of options were the reason Manny gave me for why he quit playing World of Warcraft. He has been a lifelong gamer of table top RPGs… and no matter how cool and convenient World of Warcraft was for him, it didn’t fulfill the one thing he loved most; being able to use your own imagination to solve problems and play a unique character in a world that changed based on his actions. Playing a game where the only choices you could make were the ones that were decided for you in advance by the programmer didn’t cut it for him.

If you find yourself playing an MMORPG, and feel like there should be something more, some level of interaction where what you do, the choices you make actually matter to the story in the long run, don’t get caught up looking for another computer game to be your perfect fit.

You may find that what you really seek will only be discovered in the interaction of friends around a table, getting crazy and role playing the night away.

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