I’ve had people say for months that there were problems with the Contact Form, and I have no idea why… it seems like 100 people get it to work fine one day, and then the very next morning I see at least three comments from people who say it wouldn’t work for them.
I have no idea how many people might have tried contacting me, had it fail, and just gave up, and I don’t know what’s wrong with the plugin, so I updated the Contact page with an email address. I’ll leave that up until someone that knows what the heck they’re doing can look at the Contact Form code.
I like the Contact Form, because when I get the email, I can see from the formatting it’s from the blog and it makes it past my spam filters 100% of the time.
Anyway, so there is that.
The other thing is, I just wanted to say that when I went to bed last night, I had some serious doubts as to whether or not I was coming back today.
This blogging has always been, to me, about having fun chatting with friends, and sharing things with friends that I think are cool in WoW.
When I started the blog, it grew out of posting long rants and stuff in a small Yahoo group of just my few friends in our WoW guild, and it grew from there into a blog that was still just the same people, and maybe a handful more that BRK sent to me because he mentioned me once a long time ago.
As things have grown and changed, intellectually I’ve known that more people have been reading, but emotionally, I’ve always felt that my audience, the folks that visit here, are just part of my circle of friends.
That’s why I share everything that I do about what’s going on in my life. It’s why I post some of the things that, in hindsight, readers of a ‘feral druid blog’ probably think are just… stupid, and a waste of your time.
I see a funny WoW related vid, and think “Oooh I bet my friends would get a kick out of that.”
I shared my PBeM game that Manny and James and I have been playing in the same spirit of wanting to share something I’m proud of with my friends.
Even writing for WoW Insider… I was incredibly surprised to be asked to do that. And I have written very differently over there, because I do not feel my audience over there is made up solely of friends, I feel it is made up of mostly serious players looking for advice, tips and strategies. So I write serious Druid stuff for the most part, and I take making my articles valuable to the Druid community seriously when I write for them.
But it still felt like, the players that read over there are more the ‘norm’ of strangers looking for tips, and that when I come back here to blog, it’s back to chatting with friends. I think my biggest mistake there was putting a link to my blog in the articles.
The events of the last few days, the teeny bit of stuff in the public comments and the deluge of SHIT on my email, has brought that house of cards crashing down.
I no longer feel like I’m just chatting with friends. After some of the shit I’ve read in my email, I’m sorry, but emotionally… it’s a bunch of faceless strangers staring at me and judging me and my life.
TJ has chatted with me in the past, and she’s tried to beat into me this thing about how big I am in blogging for WoW, and that I must be doing this for fame or I wouldn’t be doing it in the first place, and I never understood what she was saying. I just didn’t get it. I’m chatting with friends, I was doing it when there were 3 other people reading it, nothing has changed since then except I’ve got more friends now. Who gives a shit about being famous? What am I, Britney Spears? I don’t THINK so, thank you very much.
But… now I see what she meant. If I’m not doing all this for fame, then what reasonable person puts themselves out there like this in front of total strangers that have no problem ripping you apart in a personal manner, in the foulest of language, in personal emails, apparently trying to ‘win’ the internet.
So… I don’t know.
I do know that I went to bed last night pretty much thinking that I was done. This morning, I saw that I had a bunch of smart advice and nice words from folks that I do think of as friends posted about the MgT run, and that plus a couple of emails from other WoW friends just saying ‘hi’ helped remind me that everyone I like is still here… it’s just that there are a bunch of OTHER folks here too.
I need to remember that I’m not just chatting with friends, put that knowledge in a compartment, and then forget it. My friends are what it’s about, and screw the rest of the people that have nothing better to do with their lives than… screw it. They’re not worth my time.
Please bear with me a bit, because it’s gonna take me a while to regain my sense of humor about this.
I’m thinking of it like this… where before, I felt like I invited some friends over to my house, and we were all hanging out and chatting in the comfort of the living room… now, I feel like I went out to a bar, and invited a bunch of friends over, and we’re sitting there having a few pints and chatting and having a great time… but the bar is crowded, and there are plenty of people standing around our table, just standing and wathcing, close enough to overhear, and bored. And listening to us is a good way to pass the time as they have a few drinks.
And they’re not really our friends, and they don’t really give a shit… but if they hear something someone says they disagree with, they’ll sure as hell make sure we know it.
It’s not that big a deal… I just gotta remember that I don’t give a shit what the strangers think… it’s all about what my FRIENDS think.
Yeah, if I was as emo now as I was in High school, I’d pull out the Violent Femmes and spin “Good Feeling”. Oh, boo hoo.
As it is… I’ma gonna go play. Damn it, it’s late enough in the morning that I bet the good easy farming of ore is gone! Crap!
My friends, thank you for being you, and I am grateful that you made for me this imaginary little dream world where I thought everyone in the entire world that I knew was cool… whether you ever commented or hung out and had fun, you each know who you are, you are what has made this so much fun for the last year, and each and every one of you rocks. Thank you for being awesome.