I’m not following my heart atm

Short mention here, as to where my heads’ been at when writing on the blog this last week.

I set a goal to, for a change, get some useful new Bear tanking posts up to help those who may suddenly find themselves looking to break into the world of tanking.

All things considered, I think that I’ve achieved what I wanted in the short term, and with the help of some great commenters I think the sidebar of Wrath posts provides some solid starting information for new Bear tanks without getting too technical.

Once that was done, though, my heart was set on writing the next installment of the Converging Forces story.

Every day for about a week and a half, I’ve been thinking of the next part, running things through my head, having internal dialogues between characters, visualizing the scenes, thinking and thinking and thinking.

As you can see…. no post.

Every day I sit down, and I have a choice about writing.

Write something I can break in and out of multiple times while getting continuously interrupted with critical issues, 10 minutes here, 5 minutes there, until I proofread it enough times it’s legible, and let it go forth. And then fix the typos and missed phrases and unwritten sentences that I always seem to have after you get them in your feedreader.


Sit down and write something that flows, from the heart, telling a story that has been years in the crafting, and where things are building to a point that excites the hell out of me. Something that requires absolute immersion in the flow.

Yeah, you’ve been getting the bit pieces.

It’s funny, really. I can write and write, and really be into it and it’s flowing…

But there is a big difference for ME between creative writing in a blog style about the game or life, and creative writing while developing a true story.

It’s just not the same.

It’s not that blog writing is throwaway words, and a story is somehow more valid. It’s nothing like that. They’re both something I truly enjoy and invest myself in equally.

It’s more how deeply I need to immerse myself in what I’m writing.

Like right now, for example. Just had an emergency that I had to take care of that took me away for a few minutes before I wrote this sentence. I came back, and had to see where I was, recapture my thoughts, and pick back up.

When I’m writing an actual story, it’s not just a ‘oh, that’s where I was’.

It’s far, far more jarring when the words are flowing like a river, and you get stopped every 5 or 10 minutes. Coming back and trying to get that flow going again is really damn hard.

So, I’ve been falling back on writing that I can do in snippets.

I just wanted you to know, this isn’t a resolution or anything. I am just at a place where I really, really want to be doing more creative writing. That’s what I’m working towards.

Every day, my goal for the day is to write Converging Forces.

Every day that doesn’t happen, is a day I haven’t followed my heart.

7 thoughts on “I’m not following my heart atm

  1. I know you might be looking to actually put pen to paper, but have you thought about getting a voice recorder and narrating the story on your way to/from work? At least you would get it out of your head.

    Just a thought.


  2. I can relate…its like at times you log onto WoW and think , “Hmm do I really want to be doing this right now”, so you start jumping around counting how many cobblestones there are in Dalaran, but not really wanting to log off…sure I could go tank a few Heroics…being a tank its only a few minutes wait, but I couldnt be bothered, yet other days its all go, go, go. I say just let it flow when the mood suits you. I will still keep checking this blog daily, but if nothings changed, so be it. Enjoy doing what you want, when the mood suits you.


  3. Honestly, Im doing the same. Writing is my all time favorite thing to do, yet I can never build a whole thing. Its always bits and pieces that never fit quite right, and telling a story is so…hard. Not because its hard to write, in itself, but because you want that story to reflect what is in your mind and the story you have within your own ‘heart’. Sadly, when you convert that into words, it just doesnt seem to do the story any real justice, and so you try to back up, chop things up, rewrite, and on and on the circle goes until you give up and start anew. My advice is simple, and it worked for me: write whatever comes to mind, get the skeleton down on paper, and then slowly go back through it; after you have the skeleton, make sure you catch on the things that are really important, for example where location are, or whether you missed to mention something; finally, just start from the top and fill in things from there. It is MUCH easier to be able to “not” stress from the get-go that its not what you want it to be, and just write for the love of writing. Good luck to you!


  4. Don’t be so hard on yourself bear, but i know the feeling, I want more than anything to get into the game development field. I have tutorials, editors, debuggers, but when i have a few free moments what do I spend them doing? sleeping, spending time with the wife, or playing wow or oblivion… I just can’t focus my mind on doing what I want to do. Tho it is difficult to focus when you have an infant in the house..

    I want to get out of this crummy office/hole/cubicle and start doing things I enjoy. (you should enjoy your work, or else you have the wrong job ya?) If it would pay the bills i’d go back to hotel work, but front desk doesn’t pay in the 30’s these days at least not around fort worth… I enjoyed that line of work, i didn’t have to be a problem solver all day long. (only when other staff or random events screwed up someone’s stay) I got to meet lots of people, and every day brought something different.

    Now i’m stuck unlocking user accounts, managing backup schedules, and making inventory lists over and over.


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