I’d buy that for a dollar!

I’m not even going to pretend to justify this one.

Thanks to MMO Champion pimping Premonition and Paragon merging into one US guild, something that holds no interest for me whatsoever, I read down to the bottom of their announcement.

I did this because it was on MMO Champion, you understand, not because the topic held any interest for me.

They could be sharing information about airline travel discounts to the Bahamas, and I’d still read it if it were on the front page. I think I ought to get a shirt made that reads, “I’m Boubouille’s Bitch”.

At any rate, at the bottom of the announcement, there was this little blurb, accompanied by a banner ad;

NEW YORK (01 Apr 2010) AXE is giving a big boost to guys that feel the need to RAID! The iconic leader in men’s care, in partnership with Blizzard, launched the brand’s new product line: AXE Sunwell – Get Energized! Studies conducted about gamers concluded that this segment was completely untapped by any grooming products. The Sunwell line is targeted for appearance-conscious gamers that understand the social aspect of gaming. AXE products will now ensure that you stay uniquely fresh even during 24-hour raiding sessions and LAN-parties.

Axe Sunwell.

Axe brand body spray, or whatever the hell it is.

I can’t believe it.

I’ve been a simple Right Guard kinda guy for years. My big daring breakthrough was when I switched from cake style to gel for my underarm smell-nullifying needs.

But this. This is a company that makes products that have absolutely no relevance to geeks or gaming or computers or technology, a company that routinely makes ads that insinuate that if you use their products, strange women will cream themselves just from standing close to you in an elevator. 

And now they’re targeting ME, directly.

Am I going to buy it?


I’ll buy it for no other reason than to reward a company that wants to target me as a market.

Today, deodorant.

Tomorrow, what.


Good lord, please let this test case succeed, and inspire other companies to pimp for us.

I want to drink Captain Rumsey’s Lager, or Caraway Burnwine, or Dos Ogris.

I want to see the marketing floodgates open, and I want to see the new range of commericals pour forth, as products that have no connection to gaming are forced to reimagine themselves to sell to ME.

The car commercials were a good start, but I don’t go out and buy a six pack of Toyotas.

The energy drinks didn’t go far enough towards breaking barriers, because gamers practically invented the market for them in the first place. Without geek gamers, there would never have been Jolt fan clubs (All the sugar and TWICE the caffeine), which inevitably grew into Red Bull and Monster and all the others.

No, bring on the Axe Sunwell. Bring it on, I say.

That’s right, market your stuff just for me.

Now, as long as we’re on the subject, any chance we can see a line of clothing for the ladies inspired by Warcraft? Cassie has a birthday coming up!

29 thoughts on “I’d buy that for a dollar!

  1. Ok, good one bear, you had me suckered in for a second. or more (groan). But I mean with them doing the WOW Mountain Dew, and some of that stuff, it’s not that far out, and of course I did go buy the stuff. Need Papa John’s Pizza feast with coupons for in game pizza feasts that do slightly more buff food than fish feast, and the real pizza would come in a cool box with a Night Elf serving it to you on a big Ax.


  2. There are some things in life that shouldn’t be April fooled with… My beer is on of them

    I’d be happy to chug a case of Alliance and a case of Horde each week… Can you at least get sturdy holders (coolers… Errr I don’t know what you folk from Weirdsville U.S.A. call them).

    Some people fuel their raiding on Dr. Pepper… Mine game is beer flavored PvP… It kind of hurts a lot less when I die.

    Trolla and Out!
    .-= Trollaggedon´s last blog ..Trollaggedon’s Coming! =-.


  3. Had an idea as i was about to go to lunch. We need a WOW themed restaurant chain.
    could serve dishes from the tauren chef cookbook. and have special named drinks.
    say.. the big bear butt beachcomber (Vodka, Rum, and fruit juices). (or B’lager if you prefer beer)
    .-= Kattrinsaa´s last blog ..3.3.3 is live =-.


  4. The EPEEN joke was the best, but the rest are hilarious, too. I saved the page for those that will later disbelieve me.


  5. For the record… I feel the same about Big Bear Butt Blogger as you apparantly do about MMO Champion.


  6. Axe is awesome at targeting markets. I dunno why the chose Sunwell though…Axe Karazhan just doesn’t have that same clean sound I guess. Axe Icecrown would be for the heavy sweaters I guess. “Feel like you’ve got a Molten Core under your pauldrons? WTS new BOE drop, Icecrown Clean! Because the Lich Kings pits don’t sweat, now do they? Don’t be A Nub, get a stack from your local auction house today! (Buy now, new Axe Icecrown Clean will be removed from your inventory at the end of the Mid-Summer Holiday. (Does not stack with Axe Sunwell, Axe Spring Tree of Life, or Axe Black Knight.)
    .-= Redbowl´s last blog ..Pride is a strange thing =-.


  7. Speaking of WoW condoms…

    At my workplace I happened to be bored and looking on the shelves to see what sort of random nonsense my company keeps around (you’d be surprised). Anyway, among the rolls of paper and such, there’s a single lonely box, with only the name of whoever made it and the slogan of said company. Curious, I grab the box to get a closer look.

    “Alliance Rubber Company” the box proudly proclaimed. “Feel the Alliance difference!”

    …I was never so disappointed to find a box of rubber bands in my life.


  8. It was a cute joke, but over the top (and I assume that’s what they were going for, not believability).

    The first “huh?” was them saying they were moving to a US server – I don’t think you can just decide to play in another region. But ok, maybe sponsors greased the wheels for them, somehow.

    Then the guild name. Paranition? Gimme a break, that’s AWFUL. My reaction was “hahaha… ew.” Ranks right up there with people who name their businesses after portions of their childrens’ names (I really hate it when people do that).

    Then the deodorant ad, lol.

    (I’d totally buy it)

    Wonder what Blizzard will do this year.


  9. Oh, and PS, chances that MMO Champions post, and this one, are both fun April Fools jokes approach something close to 100%. But I had a lot of fun writing it.


  10. There, now that I flooded your feedreader today, I’m gonna go pretend I’m answering some of the hundreds of email I ignore because I feel overwhelmed.


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