Another year has passed, and another opportunity for collecting non-combat pets (or vanity pets, or whatever you’d like to call our little friends) comes around again.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I blew this off the first couple of years on my main. I’m still chasing pets from doing Orphan quests.
This year I was fairly excited to begin the runs. I was determined this time that I’d grit my teeth and persevere through the PvP achievements to complete the overall week as one step closer to “What a Long Strange Trip”, and also, this would be the first time doing it on the Horde side.
Of course, the pets you can get are the same, but I’d never dragged the Orphan around Barrens before.
It didn’t take long to complete both Shattrath and Orgrimmar Orphan quest chains. I ate a bunch of sweets in front of a wanna-be rocking Blood Elf brat, and I even killed a King in front of her.
Not exactly sure what message I’m supposed to be trying to send her by killing a King before her very green eyes. That this too must pass? That no matter how important you are, a dagger between the shoulder blades will really crimp your style? That 5 max level and geared players can kick one person’s butt if you all gang up on him at the same time?
Hmm. Those are all pretty good lessons to learn after all.
Regardless, I turned in the Orphan chains, I completed all the quests, and picked two new pets, leaving only one more left to collect next year, Mr. Wiggles. What can I say, if I get a pet pig, it’ll be bacon a week later. Might as well leave him for last, prolong the pleasure of anticipating a fine lunch.
So, every achievement except the PvP ones are done, every Orphan quest chain except the Oracles turned in. Time to go to Dalaran, right?
I was well prepared for the PvP. Thanks to Cynwise’s outstanding guide to the event, I felt that I had at least a fighting chance to get it all done… IF I started early, of course. And if I went in prepared and determined to kick ass.
All set, ready to rock, queued for Arathi Basin and gonna kick some massive Gnome butt.
47 minutes in queue for AB later, and it pops…
1 minute after I finally decided to turn in the Orgrimmar orphan, and 2 minutes before I would have picked up the Dalaran Orphan chain. Or thought I would have.
Not the most auspicious of beginnings.
Okay, this time I’m going to make damn sure I’ve got my Orphan, and THEN I’ll queue. I just didn’t expect the delayed queue for a BG when PvP was a big part of Children’s Week achievements.
Off to Dalaran, and I talk to the fine lady who provides such a wonderful parenting example, as the Oracle and Wolvar children chase around, trying to kill each other.
She… she doesn’t want to entrust me with an Oracle orphan. /shocked!
I is a sad bear. But… but I can be good to him! Is true! Why wouldn’t you trust me? Look at this huge horny face! How could you not trust these horns!
And I really need that kid, lady, because there is this massive war going on between Horde and Alliance, and I need some little kid following me around, to watch me carve my name into the shattered, broken carcasses of a million little gnome bodies…
Hmmm. The light, it begins to dawn.
Okay, next time, I don’t mention Battlegrounds. And I hide the massive Harpoon I carry around. It needs the blood cleaned off again, anyway, before it rusts. And, umm, the armor. Okay, so it smells. I’ll clean it next time, I know how that Ick stench really does penetrate leather, but hell, after a few weeks of wearing it without a bath, you kinda stop noticing.
I made some inquiries, and now the word is that it’s just a mistake. That really, the Orphan lady is supposed to be willing to talk to me, but that she might just be confused after the, um, good job I did watching that Wolvar brat last September.
Hopefully, she’ll get the word from on high that, no, really, it’s okay, his clothes were just in for cleaning, that’s why I turned him in naked (hey, he had some fur left! And the burns will fade sooner or later, the little crybaby. Won’t kill steal my ass.) and I already TOLD her he had those bruises when I got him, and oh yeah, it was his fault in the first place, I TOLD him not to stand that close to the edge of Aldor Rise. And by the way, what kind of a kid just runs right off the edge when you’re flying over in flight form?
And sure, so he got a little nibbled when I was fishing up Bull Lion fish for the Kalu’ak, I didn’t expect the kid to just leap in the water and swim after me. And boy, who knew the kid could swim that fast? No matter how far out into the ocean amongst the sharks and icebergs, no matter how fast I turned around, there he was, moving like a little furry torpedo. If he wanted to keep those toes, he should have used the shark repellant.
Ah well. I’m sure she’ll talk to me again. Just as soon as the bribes kick in.
Until then, I’ll be lonely and sad, for there are gnomes to extinguish, and it’s just no fun without an audience!