I promised that the entire list of awesome “… then you might be a bad tank” one liners submitted by readers would be posted. What I didn’t anticipate was what it’d take to format over 6500 words into post format. Still, I hope you all agree that it was worth the wait.
If you spend more time criticizing someone’s gear score than generating aggro, causing adds to eat your healer… then you might be a bad tank.
If you focus on one mob and figure that if the DPS doesn’t focus fire on your exact target then it’s his or her problem and they deserve their death, so you won’t taunt if they pull off you… then you might be a bad tank.
If you are not a druid tank and you go into a random heroic without at least 535 defense on your gear or a raid with 540 defense… then you might be a bad tank.
If you are a druid tank and you don’t have Survival of the Fittest when you join a random heroic or raid… then you might be a bad tank.
If you pull with a taunt that doesn’t cause damage… then you might be a bad tank.
If freshly-dinged level 80 beast mastery hunters can pull aggro off of you without even trying… then you might be a bad tank.
If you don’t know what your cooldowns are and where they are on your action bars or keybinds… then you might be a bad tank.
If you say, “lol @ fire my GS is uber,”… then you might be a bad tank.
If you say, “I don’t need to move out of the fire, I’m getting healed and my gear’s good enough!”… then you might be a bad tank.
If you say, “Fire? What fire?”… then you might be a bad tank.In another vein…
If your health drops to below 50% in 5mans in only 2 seconds, on a trash pull… then you might be a bad tank.
If you wipe on the first pull because you’re using a 2 handed sword… You might be a bad tank, or a DK, or both!
If your entire group wipes on the first trash pull and then you ask “Am I good?” while running back in…. you might be a bad tank. And also? Here’s your sign.
If you don’t read The Big Bear Butt blog, your DEFIANTLY a bad tank.
If you mark a target with skull and then ignore it so the dps pulls it right off of you… then you might be a bad tank.
If you gogogogo on a DPS cue, not that of the afk healer then you might be a bad tank.
If you run away from the group and then wipe cause you’re out of range of the healer, you might be a bad tank.
If you pull the entire hallway in H DtK but don’t bother to tell anybody and cause you’re healer and a dps to wipe, you might be a bad tank.
If you’re a pally and you try tanking without Righteous Fury on…you might be a bad tank.
Bear Pelt says:
If you think after 1 Thundeclap/ Swipe/ Consecration/ Death and Decay that all aggro issues are settled and you can /dance, you’re a bad tank.
If you chain pull mobs without checking your healer’s mana….and cause a wipe cos the healer didn’t have enough gas to chuck you a heal, hence causing your healthbar to drop like the bottom fell out..and consequently, getting the rest of your group utter decimated….you MIGHT be a bad tank 🙂
If you didn’t know the lay of the land and decide to pull stuff without first checking for patrols… and happen to pull a mob that was chained to ANOTHER mob..and this gang HAPPENS to run smack into a pathing patrol, bringing an entire room to your campsite… you MIGHT be a bad tank.
If you’re a druid with 360 swipe and you keep breaking CC, just cos you didn’t know you can butt swipe… you MIGHT be a bad tank.
If you make a pull in DPS stance/form, then blame the healer when you die… You might be a bad tank.
Random Poster says:
IF someone asks you why you aren’t in Frost Pres/Prot stance/RIghteous fury on and you reply “What’s that” you might be a bad tank
If you are trying to tank and someone asks why and you reply ” I have a shield and the description says Shamans can tank” you might be a bad tank
If you came back to tanking and have rank 1 TC/Consecrate/Swipe/DND on your actions bars and scream at DPS for unloading too early… then you might be a bad tank.
If you are gemmed / enchanted for spell power… then you might be a bad tank.
If you are a charge happy bear or warrior that complains about bad pug, because healer/dps cannot possibly keep up with you zooming from group to group without stopping – you might be a bad tank.
seriously, charge is an awesome thing, but the rest of us don’t have it and running is much much slower.
If your healer has a higher threat output than you…you might just be a bad tank
If you’re running around grabbing tons of mobs and you don’t see that your fellow Druid who’s normally in Treeform just switched to bearform to grab some mobs of your DPS before they die…. you might be a bad Tank!
On the other hand it could also mean that you just have an imba healer with actuall skills and raidawareness (sp?) 😀
If you are asking why everyone is dead except you … you might be a bad tank.
If you think tanking with a pally bubble makes you and your group invincible … you might be a bad tank.
If you fetch the pizza right after the pull … you might be a bad tank.
If you are complaining not being healed as a druid tank in human form … you might be a bad tank.
Famous last words of bad tanks or “If you say xxx before you die … you might be a bad tank.”:
“Healer is afk, well I can tank through this mob group anyway.”
“Am I supposed to tank?”
“Look there is another patrol coming…”
“Does swipe break CC?”
If you happen to rush ahead not waiting for the rest of the group, then you might be…a bad tank
If you are under the impression that healers CAN heal stupid, then you might be…a bad tank
If you are in fact, George W. Bush, you might be, a bad tank/President
If you keyboard turn sloooooowly when you hear people screaming in horror behind you, you might just be….a bad tank
If you post recount after every trash pull to emphasize that you’re causing more damage than the fresh 80 in your Nexus run… you may be a bad tank
If you ask the group to do Less-rabi then don’t use any of your stuns… you may be a bad tank
If you don’t use Charge in VH to get that group that just popped on the other side of the room… you’re probably a bad tank
If you like to hide around the corner from your healer and make them chase you… you’re probably kissing the floor a lot.
If you decide to take on trash or bosses when the healer / dps are oom
If you decide to take on trash or bosses when the healer / dps are 2 corridors back still drinking to top up his mana
If you decide to take on trash or bosses when the healer / dps are running from 2 corridors back after drinking to top up his mana
(Could i just add the optional “and then blame the healer / dps for the wipe” to those top 3)
If you decide to ignore all tactics and just try and brute force everything
If you leave that caster mob over there wailing on your healer because hes not in your aoe attack range and its too far to walk
If you decide that you are the better tank because you have more health than the other tank (even though he is def / hit / expertise capped and you aren’t!)
If you do a miltimob pull without marking kill order and healer / dps / all die because of aggro (“and then blame the healer / dps for the wipe”)
If you enter a heroic wearing cloth because its T10 and you are leet!
If you chain pull mobs in a dungeon (without looking at your healer / dps gear) because you are leet and it doesnt matter
If you link DPS output in party chat and beat the lowest dpser because hes a fresh 80 in greens and blues and ur in T10 ICC 25 gear
If you demand a minimum of 6k GS of your heals & dps to do a heroic
If you decide to tank in dps off spec as you can do more dmg / treat way!
If you enter a random dungeon and start pulling the trash even though not all of the party have zoned in yet
If you having an important buff that you dont put on the rest of your party members even though they ask you to multiple times
If you enter a random dungeon and start pulling without even saying “Hi” or doing a ready check
If you enter a random dungeon and start pulling even though your healer or a dps says one sec i need to do a quick spec change
If you pull trash or a boss just after the healer says brb
To combine two of Kurn’s into one….
If you are not immune to melee critical hits…. you might be a Bad Tank.
If you have ever tanked 3/4ths of an instance in your DPS gear and only noticed when you wiped…. *points at self*… you might be a Bad Tank.
If you think that marking targets is only for n00bs… you might be a Bad Tank.
If you can’t alter your play to fit DPS or Healers that don’t know what they are doing… you might be a Bad Tank.
If you have ever wiped because you paid no attention whatsoever to your health and didn’t even bother to use a cooldown…. *points at self*… you might be a Bad Tank.
If you have ever said “What’s Righteous Fury?” …you might be a bad tank
If you are not specced in protection and queue as a tank …you might be a bad tank
If you have a healer sitting on the floor with a mug in his hand and a very teeny tiny blue bar as you run in and pull the next room …you might be a bad tank
If you taunt off of the mage that starts their Blizzard as you shoot the mob with an arrow to pull …you might be a bad tank
If you enter an instance as a tank and have not read up on all the fights …you might be a bad tank
If you have no glyphs …you might be a bad player
If you dont have the haerbalz to tell the dps to hold their horses you might be a bad tank
If you wipe the party because you didn’t turn the mob away from the party you might be a bad tank
If you watch the squishy dps die terribly because they can’t control their agro, you might be…wait no you’re cool
If you loot mobs while there are still mobs beating on you, then you MIGHT be a bad tank.
You know how sometimes you are on a run and the tank, he goes and falls right off the edge of a handy cliff? KerBLOOM? Yes, sirree, that there’s a sign of what might be called–if you want to be cruel about it–(and I do) a bad tank.
If the hunter’s pet in the raid generates more aggro than you, well, DAMN. You might be a bad tank.
If you decide to take on the boss while the DPS and Healer are drinking and then when you are kissing the floor to actually have the balls to blame the healer for not healing you.. you might be a bad tank.
If you ignore your healer saying she needs to switch spec and gear and start mass-pulling, you might be a bad tank.
If you tank without Defensive Stance to prove you’re cool, you might be a bad tank.
If you start trying to grief the party by leaving the instance and forcing us to wait another fifteen minutes to kick your sorry ass, you might be a very surprised tank when I log on my geared bear tank alt, have someone from my server in the party invite me, and annihilate the instance while you’re jeering at us from the safety of Ironforge…and then you come back and try (succeed) in wiping us by pulling the ghoul room in DTK onto me all at once when I have a sub80 healer, and continue to make our lives miserable by sprinting to Gnomeregan and clearing the place because it puts you in combat the whole time and that means we can’t kick you.
And then, you finally leave the damn group when only my dedicated warlock friend and I are left, and we put ourselves back in the RDF, with a few decent DPS, and clear the place in 5 minutes top, you might be A BAD TANK!
I hate you, you stupid paladin. And that wasn’t a one liner, to think about it.
If you’re a stupid bear who died on Sarth3D because she didn’t use any of her cooldowns at the enrage, you might be a bad tank. (MEEEEE)
If your healer dies, and you proceed to blame them for “Not healing themselves”, you may be a bad tank.
If you can’t be bothered to interrupt because you have too many other buttons to press, you may be a bad tank.
If you’re a blood dk tanking in blood presence, you’re definitely a bad tank.
Oh, and this one: “If you are not specced in protection and queue as a tank …you might be a bad tank”
I think it only applies to tanks over 35 or so. It’s pretty common for pallies to tank as ret until they get some decent prot talents.
if you die you might be a bad tank
if your healer dies because she got aggro you might be a bad tank
if DPS dies and you care about them you might be a bad tank
You may be a bad tank if the priest has more armor than you.
If you have more MP5 than the healer you may be a bad tank.
If the healer says ‘mana’ after a 10 mob trash pull and you say “no thanks’ you might be a bad tank.
If you pop out of bear form to heal up after a very close fight on a trash pull where you just couldn’t seem to hold aggro and see that you have a fishing pole equipped you might be a bad tank.
If you queue as “tank” to get short wait times but don’t have a tank spec, then you may be a bad tank…. and a bad dps.
If you open with Deathgrip, you may be a bad tank.
If you ask a druid for a battle rez for a guildmate DPS over the group’s healer, you might be a bad tank.
Other Cassie says:
If you think the healer’s shield means that it’s reasonable for you to tell her to hold the boss for a minute while you go get a drink… you MIGHT be a bad tank.
If the party wipes on a boss and you refuse to release because you’re too elite to run back, you might be a bad tank.
If all the DPS have mana bars, and you’re pulling to the 2nd boss in H-Nex, and wonder why the bosses don’t die, you might be a baddadin.
If you’re asking to focus on your target (instead of marking) and switch targets every second, you might be a bad tank.
If you’re dual-wielding in starter gear on HoR(H), you might be a DK.
If you’re marking skull to ignore it, you might be a bad tank.
If you’re quitting after the sword (or Marvin) in HoR (H) for your Hilt-quest, you’re a bad tank.
If you’re not warning us that you’re new/rusty, then you’re a bad tank.
If you lose your 45+K health in plate in 3 GCDs, then you’re a dead tank.
If you’ve ever tried to tank an instance with both a chef’s hat and a fishing pole equipped, you might be a bad tank, or you might just be me.
If you’re a mage, you might be a bad tank.
So STOP PULLING!
If you’re a NE druid tank and you shadowmeld after a pull, you might be an EVIL tank.
If you tank with your fishing rod equipped, you might be a bad tank
If you’re a druid and only have resto talents, but queue as tank, you might be a bad tank.
No joking, happened to me on my lvl21 hunter. Tank (druid lvl 30) couldn’t hold anything in bear, then switched to cat, then in caster form. Rogue and I ended up tanking most of it.
If I pull healing aggro and die… you might be a bad tank!
If you forget to change presence/stance/RF after a spec switch, you might be a bad tank.
I haven’t done it since I made that mistake in ToC a couple months ago. Switched to dps spec for faction champs, and ended up doing Twin Valkyrs and Anub without a presence on.
I must have been doing something right though, because we downed the twins anyway. It’s hard to MT Anub without it though.
If you are a tank and you don’t know what the words “threat” “aggro” and “taunt” mean, you might be a bad tank.
Veeka The Tree says:
You are a bad tank if you have no balls to make the pull.
If you’re a warrior or paladin and you’re not carrying a shield… you might be a bad tank.
If you don’t know about Righteous Fury… you might be a bad tank. (Yep, level 50 pally. RF is trained at lvl 16.)
If your healer is tanking more mobs than you are… you might be a bad tank.
If you’re crit… you might be a bad tank.
If you wonder what that empty blue bar is below your healer’s health bar is… you might be a bad tank.
If you give your healer blessing of might… you might be a bad tank.
If your a tank and don’t know you are a tank you might be a bad tank
If you’ve already pulled the first pack before the healer zones in, you may be a bad tank.
If you’ve never heard of the word ‘macro’, you may be a bad tank.
If you think ‘defense cap’ means you have a helmet on, you may be a bad tank.
If you only have 3 buttons on your action bar, you may be a bad tank.
If you find the party stays far enough back that you die, and they laugh when you ask for a ress……you may be a bad tank.
If you’re 2 rooms away by the time the rest of the group is done buffing….you may be a bad tank.
and lastly if you make a WoW blog about tanking where your title talks about how massive your hiney is you may…..wait, hold that one.
If you die with all of your survival cooldowns intact… you might be a bad tank.
If you’re specced into Vigilance, but don’t use it… you might be a bad tank.
If you think tanking is just “DPS-ing the enemy from the front”… you might be a bad tank.
If you think Spellpower is your best stat… you might be a bad tank.
If you show up in LFD with res sickness, you might be a bad tank.
If you don’t notice you have res sickness and start pulling, you might be a REALLY bad tank.
If you have res sickness, pull, and on top of that fail to notice the healer is dead, you might be the WORST. TANK. EVER.
True story, believe it or not.
If you go down faster than a hunter on prom night, you might be a bad tank.
If you’re an Unholy DPS DK who thinks he can tank just by putting up Frost Presence…you might be a bad tank.
If you wear your santa outfit while tanking ICC, you may be a bad tank.
If you constantly get whispers from your healer’s addon saying you are always out of line of sight or out of range, you may be a bad tank.
If you’re a druid tank and don’t have any points in Survival of the Fittest, you may be a bad tank. (Or at least not a self-respecting one 😛 )
If you have to wipe before you realize your healer has asked 5 times to stop for mana, you MIGHT be a bad tank 😛
If you keep reminding the group that you’re a great tank… then you MIGHT be a bad tank.
If your druid healer looks like an uprooted hurricane victim you may be a bad tank.
If you ask what that cool ground effect under you is… You may be bad tank.
If the DK tank flys past in unholy pesence just as the healer shows DCed you MAY BE in for another long que.
If you are trying to kill that “caster” the hunter so kindly marked for you, while the other four mobs are chopping at your spine with big axes… You may be a bad tank.
If you are in the right stance / presence, wearing the right gear, but in the wrong spec… you might be a bad tank. (Happens to everyone, right?)
If you join a group as a Tank but end the run healing the Warlock’s Pet… you might be a bad tank. (In my defense, this was while leveling during the early days of TBC, and the
Warlock was 6 levels higher than we were.)
If your pet Ghoul is doing and taking more damage than you are… you might be a bad tank. (I did more tanking on that run as an Enhancement Shaman. Was fun though!)
If you thin DnD stands for “Dungeons and Dragons”… you might be a cool dude, but also a bad tank.
If you use Divine Shield because “I was gonna die!”… you might be a bad tank.
IF YOU USE ARMY OF THE DEAD ON A DRAGON BOSS… I HATE YOU AND YOU ARE A BAD TANK.
If you use army of the dead or grasp … you are a bad dps.
If you can’t choose a talent tree … you might be a bad tank. (saw it!)
If you constantly lose threat to a warlock pet three levels below you … you might be a bad tank
@dorgol: What, you don’t play Dragon Roulette when the group overgears the place?
If you use a taunt as part of a tanking rotation… you might be a bad tank.
If the boss has its heiney in a void zone… you might be a bad tank.
If you stand in a void zone because of ‘lolHP’… you might be a bad tank.
If you let the MDing hunter die… wait, no, that’s a good thing.
If your ICC10 pug wipes to gunship 4 times because you’re crittable… you might be a bad tank.
If you then want to try hardmode Saurfang… you might be an obliviously bad tank.
If it’s easier for the healer to swap specs and tank than to heal your butt… you might be a bad tank.
If you are a fresh 80 in crafted gear but chain pull heroics like you’re in 264 gear… you might be a bad tank.
If you are levelling up, have no real aoe threat abilities, and chain pull instances like you’re in 264 gear… you make me cry.
@dorgol, but da dragon boss dance be so much fun!
If Brann is dead on the floor, you might be a bad tank.
If you think plate is a license to taunt, you might be a bad tank.
If you think Death Grip is fun to mess with the dps, you might be a bad tank. ( I r not, but it is fun :P)
If you have all 71 talent points in a single tree…you might be a bad tank.
If your idea of a mana break is to pull only the next group instead of the next three, you might be a bad tank.
If you think you’re the best tank because you’re still standing after the rest of the party goes down (healer first, naturally), you might be a bad tank.
If you finish ToC with your lance on you might be a bad tank.
If you run randoms with your succubus you are a bad tank.
If your Warrior or Pally tanks with a 2-hander because a DK did so well at it once, you might be a bad tank.
If someone tells you to use LoS and you start thinking they misspelled a TV show title, you might be a bad tank.
If your gear is red and you refuse to fix it because it ‘looks pretty that way’, you might be a bad tank.
If you lose track of adds because you can’t pull your eyes away from Mr. Belvedere, you might be a bad tank.
If your group cries for a Taunt and you reply with a Yo Mama joke, you might be a bad tank.
If you are tanking in Cloth for the wicked stamina boost you’re getting, you might be a bad tank.
If you are spending too much time hitting on the healer to notice that plenty of enemies are hitting on her as well, you might be a bad tank.
If you think an interrupt is when the phone rings while you are standing in hellfire, you might be a bad tank.
If you think Mana was a gift that God gave to the Israelites, you might be a bad tank.
If you think 540 is code for “let’s roll a fatty”, you might be a bad tank.
If you leave the group right after the holiday boss or the one that drops that cool tanking shield, you might be a bad tank.
If you chain pull three groups and then leave group while still in combat, you might be a bad tank.
If you think Def Cap is a cute and cool rock band, you might be a bad tank.
If you put 71 points Unholy, always use Unholy presence, and enchant your spell power plate with +spell power, you might be a bad tank.
Unholy was fun to tank with in the Outlands while leveling though :-Þ
+1 on “If you show up in LFD with rez sickness, you might be a bad tank.”
If you show up in LFD with rez sickness, tell everyone that you’re stupid when you’re healer asks why you have rez sickness, and then start the first pull (still with rez sickness, you might be a bad tank…
If you you have full tier 10 tanking gear and can’t hold aggro over the 3k GS dps, then you might have bought your tank on Ebay…
If the most common upgrade on your tanking gear is critical strike, you might be a bad tank.
If the most common upgrade on your tanking gear is mp5, you ARE a bad tank.
If the healer has more HP than you, you might be a bad tank.
If you ridicule the fresh level 80 healer’s poor gear and proceed to pull enough groups that she can’t keep you up thus “proving” your point, you just might be a bad tank.
If you still have your bouqeut of flowers equipped to tank HOR HC instead of your weapon and you notice after downing the LK you might b a bad tank.
happened to me and ever since the guild has a new saying: pulling a jinkx… We survived though 🙂
Eberron of Ravenholdt says:
If every day you queue up and are constantly asked if you misqueued… You might be a bad tank.
If every time you queue up for a battleground and someone whispers you telling you that your PVP spec sucks without realizing what it is… You might be a bad tank.
If you stack avoidance in a fight made up of 90% magical damage, you… Might be a bad tank.
If you’re receiving your third battle rez in a single encounter… You just might be a bad tank.
If you’ve been tanking since vanilla and people routinely ask you if you’ve bought your character… You might be a bad tank.
If Eberron on Ravenholdt-US has you on ignore and you have never spoken directly to him, rest assured, you’re a bad tank.
If you chain pull in crappy gear and run a Resto Druid out of mana…you ARE a bad tank!
Melfina the Blue says:
If you zone in, ignore the healer in shadowform, and proceed to pull half the instance, you might be a bad tank.
If you have never heard of ranged mobs, you might be a bad tank.
If you stand in the stuff on the floor because you think it’s pretty, you might be a bad tank.
If you’re attempting to tank wearing cloth heirlooms, you’re not only a bad tank but the idea of you having an 80 out there scares me.
If you’re yelling at the healer who just got one shotted from healing aggro while trying to keep you up, you might be a bad tank.
If you think that just meleeing (no special abilities) can keep all the mobs on you, you might be a bad tank.
If you hold aggro on a single mob only and completely ignore the other mobs running around splatting your DPS and healer, you might be a bad tank.
If a level 20 shammy with fire nova can tank the Deadmines better than you, you might be a bad tank.
If you never respond to the healer’s cries for mana and to slow down, and keep pulling massive groups of mobs that you can’t keep aggro on anyways, you are without a doubt an effing AWFUL tank.
The last three all came from the same pally “tank” in the same run. I was healing on my disc priest and my boyfriend’s shammy ended up tanking almost everything. The worst part was when the tank finally just left the group and the other DPSs asked to queue for another tank, never having realized that the shammy had been doing it the entire time. I wept for the future of the human race then.
If you tell your group to stay in one spot so you can pull back to them, and then later run into the next room, aggro everything, and only as you’re dying realize that they’re still back there because you forgot to tell them to move forward again…you might be a bad tank. (Me. Ooooops!)
If you always look for shortcuts which fail 99% of the time you might be a bad tank..
If you think tanking means you run into the middle of the group and let them hit you… you may be a bad tank
If you zone into an instance, grab all the mobs in the room and bring them towards the rest of the group just before zoning back out.. I hate you, want you dead, and you may be a bad tank (and a very bad person)
If the lock’s pet ends up tanking the mobs better then you, you may be a bad tank
If you zone into an instance and immediately cry, “God no, I can’t tank this” and drop group, you may be a bad tank (but at least you are aware of it)
If the group has to wait several minutes before each pull waiting for you to work out what to do, you may be a bad tank
When a kitty druid is able to steal and hold the aggro through most of the “maiden of pain” fight… perhaps you are missing something.
If said druid attempts to not steal aggro on a boss and ends up doing NO abilities – you suck.
When the kitty druid leaves form – casts innervate on healer, changes to bear for frenzied regeneration, uses survival instincts, and has flowers growing around her – YOU ARE NOT CONTROLLING THE AGGRO!!!
You pull the boss out of the black, purple or green spots or that deadly white stuff in occulus… and leave the rogue and kitty druid in it – you suck
if you refuse too take advice from your healer (who survived the last pull with 2 mobs pounding her) you might be a ….
If the boss splats the healer while you happily tank his adds… you might be a bad tank.
If you leave decursive on, and click it instead of the ad that appeared, thereby turning out of bear form and wiping the raid… then you MIGHT be a bad tank.
If you leave the default “auto cast on self” on, and accidentally click on a healing spell while tanking in bear form and wipe the raid… then you MIGHT be a bad tank.
If the tank brings his favorite Level 60 sword to a heroic 5-man PUG, that there might be a bad tank….
If the tank insists the way to run the instance is to sneak past the adds along the walls, you don’t have Sam Fisher, you have what some people might call a bad tank!
If your tank is being chased through the raid by the main raid boss, then you just might, maybe, have a bad tank.
If the other tank can draw aggro simply by autoattacking… you might be a bad tank.