Valentines’ Day in WoW, tinfoil hat edition

Welcome to another amazing installment of “What is that Bear smoking, anyway?”

Yesterday, I started a new Tauren character.

I hadn’t played through the Tauren starting zone since the Cataclysm changes, so I was having a lot of fun. I went from 1st to 13th levels all in an amazingly short amount of time.

The last quest in Mulgore has Baine sending you up to take care of some Grimtotem business, halfway up in Stonetalon Pass in the very Northwest corner of the zone.

The quest objective is to fight the last remnant of Grimtotem about halfway up the pass, led by Orno Grimtotem, a truly badass looking Tauren.

As I faced the foe, Baine came to fight by my side. Together, we would end the Grimtotem’s threat in Mulgore forever!

Orno taunted Baine; “You will die in shame like your pathetic father.”

Enraged, we both launched ourselves at Orno, and with a whirlwind of blows, brought him to his knees before us.

As he kneeled in defeat, he looked up and said, “This isn’t over, Baine…”

Whatever he may have intended to do next counted for nothing, for with a single swift blow, Baine ended his threat, and crushed the last of the Grimtotem power within the valley of Mulgore. 

Baine himself returned to Thunder Bluff, but before he left he told me to seek him out, that he wanted to show his appreciation for my strong support.

After Baine had gone and the pass was calm, I surveyed the crushed Grimtotem camp, lost in thought.

Orno was just another fool. His dreams of power led him to reach further than his meager skills warranted, and he paid the final price for his failure.

Or did he? Why did he think we would die in shame? What could have caused him to act so confident and arrogant, even as he kneeled before us in defeat? 

And why would he choose for his campsite a position halfway up a pass, rather than on the high ground up above? Stupid, amateur move, to leave yourself caught between two forces.

Unless the top of the pass was held and protected.

Could there be something at the top of the pass, something that he wanted to keep us from finding? Was there more than idle bluff behind his dying words?

Did he expect reinforcements that never came?

I had to know. If there was still a threat to the peace and safety of Thunder Bluff, I had to seek it out and eliminate it. Baine was an honorable Tauren. I knew it had cost him dearly to kill a defeated enemy. I would spare him the decision of executing more prisoners. I would see to this threat myself. Permanently.

I ventured further up the pass, climbing swiftly but silently, my hooves muffled with leather wraps against the noises they make when striking the loose stones.

When I reached the top of Stonetalon Pass, what I found eased my mind and relaxed my worries of a new Grimtotem invasion.

The top of the ridgeline was not entrenched or defended, there were no emplacements or fortifications of any kind. No Grimtotem lay in wait, armed and biding their time.

As far as the eye could see, the ridgeline was a scene of peace and beauty, covered in rolling fields of lush green grass, trees growing straight and true, their branches twisting gently in the wind.

And the hills were alive with active, frolicking bunnies. Bunny rabbits everywhere, hopping around to and fro.

Truly, a peaceful scene, serene and perhaps even placid, if placid were a term ever used to describe anything except crocodile-infested lakes.

Just grass and trees and cute litte… hold on, wait a moment.

Is that right? Those look like some big fucking rabbits over there.

Okay, those rabbits are huge. Those are some whopping big ass bunnies. What the hell?

Wait, what the heck is that? Is there something in their mouths? It looks like they’re all carrying something around in their teeth…

Hold still, ya idjit rabbit, I wanna see what that is…

What the…

That’s not possible. I… I didn’t see it clearly, that’s all. My mind is playing tricks on me. I came seeking a plot, a strategem, a threat to our proud civilization. I’ve just got treachery on my mind. No, really, what ARE those?

OH. MY. GOD.

How did he? How COULD he?

Orno armed the rabbits!

Thunder Bluff MUST be warned!

The horror…. the horror….

But wait! How could I go to Baine and convince him of this?

What would I say? “Orno Grimtotem grew giant bunnies, armed them with axes and planned to invade Thunder Bluff in an attack that would have brought everlasting shame to the Tauren. We must be prepared! We must strike first!”

He’d laugh me out of the city. What would he say?

He would ask me to show him the bunny.

I can see Baine now, standing proud and fierce.

“Show me the bunny!”, he would cry.

And I would have no bunny to show.

I must bring proof!

I must bring Baine a bunny!

So I snuck up reaaaaaaal close, seeking to grab a bunny to bring back to Baine as proof that Orno Grimtotem planned an armed bunny invasion of Mulgore, and that we must all be prepared.

It took hours, but I was patient. This was the most important mission of my life. All the lives of Thunder Bluff, my kin in Bloodhoof Village, all were at risk.

As I finally approached JUST to within touching distance…. keeping a close eye on that axe, mind you… look! LOOK!

He cast an illusion to look like a normal, SMALL safe cute little bunny! And the axe vanished!

Well played, bunny. Well played.

*Okay, out of character, my Hunter wants one as a combat pet, and I mean RIGHT FREAKING NOW.

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25 thoughts on “Valentines’ Day in WoW, tinfoil hat edition

    • No, no. This is EXACTLY what we RPers LOVE! Not all roleplaying is just about the lore etc. I am a casual, situational RPer. Also, my guild is No Mercy Mafia. Most don’t RP, but those of us that do, do it with a mafia theme. You got it, shakedowns, prostitution, all the good stuff.

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  1. You captured the experience of discovering this place very, very well. I was in tears at my desk, and prevented myself from actually rofl-ing. I’m curious to know… are bunnies all you saw up there?

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  2. Did you see the ground hog in the Nazi helmet with a knife? Or the mouse wearing a skull and duel weilding pistols? If you stay long enough, you’ll the bunnies runt he axes through the regular mice..the the groundhogs will knife the bunnies and I believe the skull mice will shoot the groundhogs. It’s very violent up there.

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  3. That’s amazing. Nice catch! I was just ’bout ready to go to bed for the night, had already closed up WOW and everything, but… this just had to be seen. 6+ years and WOW continues to amuse/amaze. 🙂 While up there, I discovered that the prairie dogs appear to be in on it too, wielding helmets and daggers, as the following screencap attests to (bad lighting tho, what with it being night time and all):

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  4. The husband and I went through the exact same set of thoughts when we discovered it. Reading about your discovery made me giggle.

    Thanks!

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  5. I play on a RPPVP server and am in an all Tauren guild called Thunderhoof Clan. We actually used this area for a back story recently. Our resident feral druid who really enjoys eating critters was warning us of the critters massing on our borders, that they are the real threat not Deathwing. He called the event Crittergeddon and we spent a couple hours going around killing critters and taking the fight to them.
    Here are some of his propaganda posters he made for the event.



    And here is an excerpt from his forum post on the event.
    We are faced with the very gravest of challenges, The Earthmother calls this day Crittergeddon. The end of all things. And yet for the first time…in the history of the planet, the Shu’halo have the magic… to prevent their own extinction.

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  6. I’ve gotten some really great pictures with the critters. They WILL attack you if you get them into combat. I found FF as a Kitty druid to be an excellent way to provoke them into action without killing them…

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  7. Now I will have to go way back to Stonetalon, bunnies with hatchets, now that’s what I’m talking about!!! WOW Rocks!!!!

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    • Make sure you explore the entire area… I focused on what was appropriate for Valentine’s Day, but there’s more up there that’s really cute. And scary.

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