Ugh, the pain, the pain!

Was in the car, right lane of two Westbound lanes, stopped at an intersection with a traffic light.

The light turned green, and we started moving ahead.

On the left came this pickup truck, just a-roaring up the road.

Truck was going 90 mph, at least, and all of us in the right lane were at 45 mph at most.

The truck, no shit, roared on up to a car that was in the left lane, and then without slowing down moved into the left turn lane at the intersection, passed the car like it was standing still IN THE TURN LANE, and then cut back in front of the car and continued on down the road.

One of the most insane, stupid, dangerous pieces of unneccesary driving I have seen in a long time.

And then, just as I turned to Cassie to say something snarky about it, what should I see but…

A Bear.

A Smokey Bear, I mean, a State Highway Patrol officer, so named for the smokey the bear hats they wear.

Blue and red flashing lights and siren run up from the highway patrol officer that just happened to be four cars ahead of us, unseen until just the right moment.

I saw that smokey bear roar off after that truck, and I was filled with an inner joy so intense that I felt physical pain.

I heard once that the French language has a specific word which means “screwing off on company time and getting paid for it.”

There should be a word in the English language whose specific meaning is, “The joy you feel at witnessing someone else be a complete douchebag, and then get immediately busted for it like a lightning bolt from God rammed straight up the ass.”

Something like….


11 thoughts on “Ugh, the pain, the pain!

  1. It was typical 5 o’clock traffic in California, trying to get on the freeway where the on ramps have those access lights that let one or two cars on at a time… but are basically pointless because when your light turns green you still can only move up half a car length. Some guy in a big SUV pulls into the shoulder and starts passing people on the right. I notice him zipping up in my mirror on the right, and figure this isn’t gonna go well, as there’s a cop car in line with everyone else 2 cars in front of me. He sees the cop and tries to jump into traffic real quick — right in front of me — nearly taking off the front corner of my car. Of course I hit my horn. Then the cop pulls over to the side of the road, patiently waits for the SUV to pass him, then flips on his lights and pulls back in behind the SUV. I think it was that same feeling you had.


  2. I had the pleasure of witnessing a very similar thing. My girlfriend and I cheered for several minutes, even after the flashing lights and the impatient idiot were miles behind us.


  3. Of course, the best one I ever had was a guy on a motorcycle that cut me off while in my minivan with my kids. He then roared down the road and – get this – stood up on the pegs to get out his cell phone so he could text while riding a crotch rocket. Over the next few miles he did that several times and varied his speed from 10 MPH under to about 20 MPH over the limit, merrily texting all the way. At one point his license plate bracket – which was empty – fell off and hit my van.

    The cumulation of this one was me picking up my portable, radioing in to dispatch and talking a unit in to pull him over. The discussion we had as he stood on the side of the road was priceless – unlike the stream of tickets he received, the towing bill, and the 14 points on his license. That definitely had a price.

    The cops? We enjoy it, too. : )


  4. Heh. (Not at Bristal, at 3B) Happened to me once… stuck in traffic on the interstate due to an accident and nowhere to get off… people started zooming up the breakdown lane at ridiculous speeds and nearly no space, to the point where my car was rocking enough that I had to hang onto the wheel. I slid over and blocked the breakdown lane, and a camaro roared up behind me and slid to a stop, almost plowing into me and another car. Held him there until I could see over the top of an overpass that there were flashy blue lights ahead, and then let him go. He squealed the tires and then slid to a stop right behind the state trooper.

    I waved at him as I went by.


  5. Last winter I saw an idiot fly past me on a very snowy freeway and down the exit I was taking. When I reached the light, he had hit another car. I was initially shadenfreudalistic, then all I could think about was the crappy day the person that got hit was now having.


  6. Love it. It so RARELY happens that it’s just that much more satisfying when it does.

    The only time I witnessed something like this was in – no surprise – NYC. I’d been in horrible traffic for an hour because a collision had occurred in an intersection ahead of us. The road was only two lanes – one lane per direction – but some jerk decided he’d skip ahead of all of us patiently waiting and go up the other lane. As he poked his nose out in front of the accident, someone coming from the right around the accident nailed his big, black, expensive SUV. That of course created more bad traffic, but those of us waiting patiently eventually got moved through, and I smiled widely at the young buck whose front end was destroyed.


  7. This post had me scared when I was reading the little bit in the feed. “The pain” plus you in a car and someone else speeding made me think you’d been hit. I was about to admire your dedication, that you’re in the emergency room blogging to us. That’s where an iPad would be really handy.


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