A Long Time Dead

If I were the sort given to introspection, I might be worried at the direction my Warcraft gaming has taken.

I started this journey full of life and hope, an Elven Druid devoted to nature, given to the wild fury of the storm, a tiger to my foes, a stalwart bear to shield my allies.

Over the years, the journey found me seeking a companion to travel alongside, sharing each new vision we came across, me and my pet against the world, both of us excited to see what might lay on the far side of the mountains, under the cloudy skies.

But now… now, I just don’t know.

I’ve been exploring the darker side of life, playing with fire, taking my meals in the shady side of the streets. Hiding my light in the bushel of the Slaughtered Lamb, and isn’t that a creepy place to hang your hat and drink your draughts?

It’s hard to imagine sinking any lower than consorting with demons, even if your version of consorting involves some real consort-type action. What’s that? Nothing on the telly and 1-800-SUCCUBUS on the magnet by the fridge? Sounds like just another Warlock Saturday night.

Yeah, it’s hard to imagine sinking any lower than that.

It’s only hard until you’re faced with finding something to do on a Saturday night when you’re going to be a long time dead.

My Hunter looks forward to spending many a fine evening camped under the stars, massive dinosaur by his side. He will be there all summer long, a panda and his dino, toasting bacon, marshmallow and chocolate smores over the fire. The breeze feels mighty fine.

My Warlock is full of nervous energy, trying to claw and scrape her way towards power and wealth just as you’d expect. Always in sight is the need to deal death and destruction on an ever-larger scale, and when the Twin Emperors in old Ahn’Qiraj died in a millisecond this last weekend, all she could mutter was “Could’ve used a bit more oomph in the fire there. Could have cut a bit deeper. I can’t be having with any dilly-dallying on the fire.”

She’s never satisfied. Nothing is ever good enough, and a Valor Point left unearned in a week is simply unacceptable. There must always be more… more striving, more goals.

There can be no stopping until the stars themselves know what it is to wither and die beneath her crushing will.

But while she has the ambition and the will, she lacks the power to rain death and destruction on her foes at the scale she desires.

That might be a good thing, at least to everyone but her, but don’t tell HER that. She gets cranky.

As strong as her desires for destruction may be, even she pales beside the depths to which I have now sunk.

I’m dead, Jim.

I have spent the last week getting my undead groove on, aiding my sons Worgen Death Knight to take his first, fateful steps into LFR.

I say aiding, but it’s me on the reigns as he loses himself in Skylanders Giants and the new Luigi’s Mansion for the 3DS.

A dead Worgen, skeletal fleas nibbling on rotten ears, coated in a rime of frost, steeped in an unholy mixture of foul pestilence and rotting blood worms.

It doesn’t get any lower than six feet under. Does it?

Through this week, my playing has accelerated as a few horrifying truths have come clear.

Dear lord, Death Knights are so ridiculously overpowered I feel ashamed to log in.

No, wait, seriously now.

My Hunter has been on a few raids with lots of trash, and I don’t sit on my hands, mark you. I know Beastmasters are powerful on single targets, but I have still tried to support the team with the best AoE I could do.

I think my Hunter reached nearly to 99k once on the fourth boss in Heart of Fear. Once. At the peak of my iLevel 494 gear.

I ran Mogu’shan Vaults once all the way through a few weeks ago on the Death Knight, didn’t win any usable rewards. I ran it again this last week, and also worked hard to get enough Valor to purchase an iLevel 522 necklace. That finally qualified the DK to enter Heart of Fear.

Last night, I ran both halves of Heart of Fear for the first time ever, and capped the evening with the last three bosses of the Terrace.

First night even qualified to get into Heart of Fear, and that was with some crap gear cheating my way into the raid sitting unequipped in my bags.

I was worried, of course. Will my DPS be so poor that they boot me? I don’t want to be a drag on a team.

Let me put it this way.

On that fourth boss for Heart of Fear, Wind Lord Mel’jarak, I had 116K DPS, and fourth place on the chart.

That’s not a typo.


And that is as UNHOLY. I keep hearing as to how Frost is so awesome, because y’know, Howling Blast means it has strong AoE.

That’s bullshit, that is.

It makes my power-mad Warlock weep bitter green tears, it does.

And for questing? I got Alex set up with a Blood spec, because the Dread Wastes were tough for him leveling as Unholy.

I fired the ol’ DK up as Blood and started rolling tide across the Isle of Thunder and, well, shit.

You know why I like questing as Blood DPS?

I like it because I can kill anything, I don’t have to pay attention, and I end every fight with full health.

I feel dirty.

Who knew the soil of the grave would leave me feeling so unclean?

Yeah, that’s what it is.

I was wondering aloud upon the incredibly bullshit OP nature of the Death Knight in guild chat last night, and Arrakeen remarked that there are few things in game quite as annoying as seeing a Blood Death Knight in the Brawler’s Guild, ignoring mechanics and gutting it out past the enrage timer.

I had to laugh. I think I saw the same fight.

“Oh no, you probably just saw one of many.”

You know, when a class is really overpowered, I always have just one thing to say.

Good on yer, and now let’s see some of that love spread around, all right then Blizz?

I’m sure it will last just as long as the next patch balancing, when somebody else will rise to new heights of WTFdom. It’s all good.

This trend of mine can’t continue. Where will it end?

For one thing, I can’t imagine what I would have to play to sink down any deeper than this.

I mean, I already HAVE a Hunter.

And no, I’m not race changing to Night Elf.

Or Blood Elf either, nice try.

And I absolutely draw the line at renaming him “Lolgalass”.

12 thoughts on “A Long Time Dead

  1. “I like it because I can kill anything, I don’t have to pay attention, and I end every fight with full health.”

    I feel that way with my Brewmaster Monk 🙂


  2. “I like it because I can kill anything, I don’t have to pay attention, and I end every fight with full health.”

    That there is why I ❤ my affliction lock. Even though they've taken away things like Haunt's heal, it is still working for me 🙂

    DKs are seriously OP, but they're melee and hitting things in melee range is for minions.


  3. Let me say that I am reading this on my iPhone right now and the 1-800-SUCCUBUS is highlighted as a number that I can tap to call. It is ALL that I can do to not tap it and see what happens.
    Hoy crap, I’m such a freakin’ geek.


  4. The 4th boss in LFR HoF can indeed be a DPSfest for the righ class/spec. It’s definitely not the best for affliction locks or probably destruction (though you can achieve some very solid results with Soulburn seeds, regular seeds, and Agony). Demo though would probably make a picnic of it. Shadow priests can knock the socks off of it with two buttons: Halo and Mind Sear.

    I’m on the second? fight of rank 4 on my spriest now, the one with the plant lady. For whatever reason, she continues to own me. I do now have some better gear – I had the most improbably amazing streak of luck in a pugged Terrace the other night, and came away with six upgrades, including normal Sha-touched staff – so maybe I can manage it.

    I’m also trying to level a DK as my new “second main,” but I’m having the most awful time with resource management – I’m finding I’m always starved for runes. Did runic empowerment used to be available much earlier in the tree? Not having the chance for RP abilities to refresh runes makes the class feel ridiculously sluggish at 62. Between that and the prospect of either questing or dungeoning through Outlands content, I’m re weighing how I feel about biting the bullet and really working on brewmaster tanking.


    • Keep pushing through, by 70, you’ll feel near-invincible. I gutted through the 60s via hierlooms and doing BGs. Not my favorite time on the DK, but it went fast enough. 🙂


  5. “It doesn’t get any lower than six feet under. Does it?”

    Hmmm. Well, I think it begs the question…

    A worgen, killed by the Lich King to serve as one of his greatest heroes that turned back to the side of right?


    Former priests, who died and were raised by the Lich King, who feel betrayed by the Holy Light’s failure to protect them and they throw aside the Holy Light and embrace its dark twin out of spite.

    The hero, with death and rebirth?

    Or the priest that embraces the dark?

    The latter *feels* darker, but maybe it’s just me.


  6. Only 116k? 😛 A well geared blood tank(mid 470s) can hit 300k easy on that fight. I’ve done it with Elith. Vengeance is hard, yanno? That said, Meljarak is absolutely broken for any class that has solid AoE. Ele Shamans can get up around 300k on that fight as well; I think I’ve peaked out ~325k. And what’s really crazy is a well geared brewmaster. Can you say 500k? And no, that’s not with that bug where they could do massive DPS. That’s straight up, every day, OP ness.


  7. Welcome to the dark side! We have cookies!

    I’ve been leveling my little DK as well, what with guild raids at a stand-still due to us wiping on the attendance boss. I’ve gotten her to 90, and after spamming some scenarios and heroics, as well as questing on Isle of Thunder so I can get coins from the loot run scenario, I ran my happy self into LFR. I was nearly floored when I approached 100k dps as unholy on trash. Nowhere near as geared, and already very close to putting out the sort of damage I do on my Arms spec warrior with a 491 ilvl! Deyam! Either OP or I’m needing to learn how to properly DPS as a warrior!


  8. I just have to say .. I laughed out loud at Kemonojin’s reply … because it is so true. And not just for BM hunters .. there are a lot of classes out there there that perhaps occasionally have a lower dps because THEY PLAY THEIR CLASS HELPFULLY. I’ve been lamenting that recently on my shadow priest that likes to occasionally stick in a heal, or swap health pools with the “about to be dead” tank … yet all others see is that my dps isn’t humongous … *sigh* …


  9. I’ve had my Hunter in the brawlers guild for quite some time. She’s my best geared, the character I tend to enjoy playing the most, and the one I assumed I understood mechanics enough on in order to advance through the ranks.

    Yep. Not happening. I’m stuck just shy of Rank 3, despite seriously upgrading my gear in between attempts, which would give me more durability, more fire power (but isn’t doing shit for my pets survivability, but I digress!).

    The very first time I went in there, I watched a blood DK in blue gear plow through stuff. I may just have to swap to my blood spec on my normally unholy DK and see how far SHE can advance.

    And if it’s further than Rank 3, you will probably find me weeping in the corner somewhere.


  10. Death kniggets have always been overpowered. Those who play them will scream if you say it, but it’s true. When one death knight with worse gear can outDPS the next three PUT TOGETHER in a 10 raid, it’s overpowered.

    Nothing wrong with hunters, especially the One True Hunter, beastmaster. (The others are just mages with noisy wands) You’re not always on the top of the chart but if your class name ends with ‘er’ instead of ‘tard’, you’re doing other things that don’t show up on the holy DPS meters. I pointed out in Naxx once that yes, I was bottom DPS… but I’d chain trapped as I was supposed to, I misdirected the stuff trying to eat the squishies back onto the tanks, not to mention my wolf owned 5% of ALL of their DPS…

    About the only way it could be worse is to play a gnome. Or a goblin. Same thing…


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