The Bear Chef – WoW WoW Sauce

Hi, I’m the Bear Chef, and welcome to another episode of random food fun.

I have been working on this one for quite some time, and I think it is finally ready to unveil.

Behold, the power.

The majesty.

The unstable danger of….

Wow Wow Sauce!

Long recognized as the prized sauce of discerning Archchancellors, the method of its creation has long been a closely held secret. Granted, that’s mostly due to Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms regulations that would classify it as all three and tax the living beejeebus out of it.

But no longer! Thanks to the efforts of yours truly, a hirsute ursine with a recent flair for the diabolical, the recipe has come to life and can be duplicated in your very own kitchen! Demon familiar not included, unless you drop some on your cat.

This sauce is a powerful concoction, and provides an explosive touch to a fine meal. You’ve been warned.

Once fully prepared, this sauce should be stored in glass containers, mostly because it tends to eat its way through anything else, as my wife and our floor will attest.

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup sriracha ‘rooster’ sauce
1/4 cup water
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp or two light dashes of crushed red pepper flakes

Glass container for storage (or a plastic squeeze bottle for dispensing, if you’re up to enchanting a bottle that is liable to melt in your icebox anyway and turn your leftover meatloaf into a ravening demon. Which is a horrible danger, since the demon might eat your bacon.)

The Steps of Divine Creation:
Special note: If you are looking for the pervasive fire of the one true ring, use a full tsp of the crushed red pepper. If you’re more in the mood for a tantalizing tease of heavenly heat, use just a dash or two.

Whisk together all ingredients in a small saucepan over medium heat.

Gently boil uncovered for 20 to 25 minutes. We’re aiming to reduce the volume of the liquid through evaporation, so you want a reasonable boil more than a mild simmer. Just don’t bring it to an aggressive boil, or to a fast boil, because it will foam up and then you’ve got serious trouble… and a heck of a mess on your stove top. Also, the sauce will take on the characteristics of its creation, and the last thing you want is a fast, aggressive wow-wow sauce on the loose.

Bonus points for any GM that creates stats to have a fast, aggressive wow-wow sauce as a random monster in your fantasy campaign.

Think of it this way. You are the mad wizard, or at least the mad wizard’s apprentice. This is alchemy, and you’re distilling the potion. Or, if you’re like me, you’re a fan of distillation in all it’s forms anyway, and that this smacks of alchemy is simply a fortuitous occurrence.

Remember that uncovered boil? After about 20 to 25 minutes start checking the volume, you want to be down by about 1/3rd. As it reduces, the flavors become more intense, and some of the vinegar is muted into a rich, mellow tone against the chili fire.

If you’re not sure how much it’s reduced, don’t sweat it. More or less is fine, we’re wizards and this is high art, not to be mistaken for the art of getting high. Eyeball it, and if you like the deep, black color with red-tinted edges, call it good.

Remove the pan from heat and let your sauce cool for at least 10 minutes before serving.

When your immediate needs are, ahem, satisfied, place the rest in your icebox for use anytime. Remember, we added no unnatural preservat… oh, I can’t even finish that line with a straight face. Store it in the icebox for as long as you like, but remember, fermentation may be a thing. Along with explosions, fires of unknown origin, black oozes and random unexplained detonations in your pants. You’ve been warned.

I recommend storing it for no more than a week myself, since you know… I may be a Warlock Bear, but even I am not impervious to litigation. You store it for five years, drink it and then explode, it ain’t my fault. You’ve got one week. After that, it’s your ass. Be told.

Suggested uses:
Wow Wow Sauce is a good dipping sauce for meat or poultry, like chicken nuggets, and also as a glaze for pork chops or chicken on the grill. For those kinds of uses, the ‘dash of pepper’ method may be a more universally accepted taste.

Where WoW WoW Sauce truly shines is when you toss all thought of moderation to the winds, and go for broke. Especially if you go for the tsp of crushed red pepper technique.

Here’s what to do. Make some exceptionally crispy chicken strips, preferably quite thin and not those big honking KFC-style things that are simply whole chicken breasts dipped in batter. They’re good, but they detract from this particular experience, the point of which is the maximum conveyance of sauce to your mouth.

Take your fully cooked and hot super-crispy chicken strips (or crispy wings!) and put them in a metal wok-shaped bowl with a generous portion of the warm sauce. Shake and swirl and spin to coat the chicken well, then set the chicken on a rack over a shallow pan to drain the excess sauce off. Give them a minute, then pick up with tongs, shake, and plate them suckas.

Serve your WoW-WoW Sauce wings/strips on a plate with a side of cool, soothing ranch dressing for dipping. I think you’ll agree with me that they’re magical.

Trust me on this, if you whip this up when you’re in the mood for a walk on the wild side of buffalo wings, you’re going to be a devilishly delighted devourer of succulent snacks.

Thank you for your time, and remember to hug the chef!  It gets you within range of melee attacks.

Madison, Wisconsin to be graced by Sir Terry Pratchett!

Dear readers, I share with you this delightful announcement I received in the mail this morning.

Coming this summer to Madison, Wisconsin: The North American Discworld Convention 2011!

Terry PratchettThe North American Discworld Convention 2011 is now open for registration! This year’s convention features Guest of Honor Sir Terry Pratchett and many other great Discworldian guests, including authors Stephen Baxter and Esther Friesner, artist Stephen Player, television producer Rod Brown of Prime Focus Productions, and Sir Terry’s editors, UK agent, and official Discworld merchandisers!

Don’t miss this exciting gathering of Discworld notables and fans, which will be held from July 8 – 11, 2011, in Madison, Wisconsin, and will feature a Guest of Honor talk, a Maskerade, a Gala Banquet, a Charity Auction, booksignings, panels, and much, much more! The first NADWCon, held in 2009, was a huge success and a ton of fun for all – and we guarantee this one will be too!

NADWCon2011 has over 500 members registered already, so hurry along to get more information and register now at

I am a true, dedicated fan of the brilliance and works of Sir Terry Pratchett, and for those of you that live near Madison, Wisconsin, EVEN WITH the insanity that is your current government fracas, I call you what you are; the most blessed place in North America.

From what Cassie and I read on the official website, there will be a maximum of 1000 Attending Memberships. I believe that means they’re already halfway to being booked solid and closed to further attending members.

If attending this convention interests you, I heartily recommend you act fast.

Now, I will not say for certain that I will be attending. However, I will say that I have paid the $30 for a Supporting Membership, to hold a place in the registration process until we can figure it out, which can be upgraded to an attending membership later, and we are closely examining options that would allow me to attend. It would be a very, very costly enterprise. It only makes sense if we turn it into a family vacation, spend most of our time in the Wisconsin Dells as a family, and I only spend part of the weekend visiting the convention for brief stints. 

On the other hand, this is the big one. You can have your Blizzcons, and your Penny Arcade Expos. This is the grand event that would be nearest and dearest to my heart.

I make no promises, none at all. July is a long way away, and life happens. I could easily be unemployed by mid-July, with the economy the way it is. 

But if it turns out I can attend, big if, I’d be delighted to see any Bear Blog readers that were also able to be there. 

We live in Interesting Times, my friends. 🙂 If the stars align, and I’m not eaten by luggage, I hope we have a grand time.