So, I’m reading WoW Insider this morning to briefly relax. I’m writing Terin’s new PBeM post, and I think it is suckage. I always think this. I am usually correct. So, stress. Read to relax.
But enough about me.
I’m reading an article by someone who is probably my very favorite blogger in all of the intrawebs. No, as far as I know she doesn’t have a personal blog. I’ve asked her before, and she has denied it.
I am speaking of Allison Robert.
She plays a Feral Druid, along with other classes. She writes brilliant articles about all sorts of subjects, and they are always filled with keen insight, playful humor, and dead on knowledge.
So it was with joy that I saw she wrote an article today called “Tips for new Death Knights from a fellow Melee.”
The article itself was awesome. She just nailed a whole bunch of valuable tips on the basics all melee classes should be aware of, if they are playing in a party. Nothing as long winded and boring as I usually do, and no arrogance or condescension or useless math to make someone seem smart, like I sometimes see done elsewhere. She just nailed each point perfectly.
And she was trolled by a truly worthless asshat named Saiforune.
I read the guy’s comment, and I honestly went back and read the article again, trying to see if I could read the article from a different perspective, so I could see the thing the way he did.
Nope, just a guy being a flaming asshat.
And Saiforunes’ writing was so incredibly poor that I couldn’t even believe this guy was for real. But throughout his comment, one thing that did come through for me was the feeling that he was genuinely sincere. He truly gave me the impression that he believed that, at his demand, and his alone, Allison should be banned immediately from ever writing or posting anything, ever again, on WoW Insider.
And he included his email address so the WoW Insider staffers could contact him, apparently so they could ask him what other changes he wanted them to make, and to apologize to him. I guess.
And I thought about replying to him… WoW Insider doesn’t want writers to respond to flames, for obvious reasons. And I ordinarily am hesitant about giving trolls the pleasure of a response. But this guy was just begging for it.
And then I read a comment or two further down… and saw that it was taken care of. Oh boy, was it taken care of.
I hereby present to you, my wonderful readers, whom I mostly love, the greatest full on body slam of a response to a troll I have ever had the pleasure to read.
It is neither too harsh, nor too soft. It is an appropriate level of response, without outrage or counter hate. It is intelligent. It is on topic. It is very, very funny. It is clear, well written and, in all ways, it brought me great pleasure to read. Sky_Paladin, I salute you!
First, allow me to print the entire first comment by the asshat, Saiforune.
Allison Robert has just officially started her campaign of Elitest faggotry, and wining Douchebag of the Year for 08″ *This is a formal complaint as read in the last paragraph to remove Allison robert from the staff of this Glorious Website*
“Most of you are awful.”
First rule of that qualifies you as Elitest, saying you’re better than someone else, because they play differently than you.
Then the second is thinking that what ever you say holds truth and people accept it as gospel, because you are a paid staff member of a popular website that has a, for the most part, good reputation with it’s staff members.
With your last Blog post that was deemed extremely innapropriate in it’s format that it was a “QQBad Troll is Bad” post. You lashed out at the mage and hunter classes, linked something because you can and failed to provide any TRUE information what-so-ever, and even claimed false info.
For someone who is a paid staff member of WoWinsider, you should have considered your format and topic to be more appropriate.
Honestly, Comparing you to Adam Holisky is like comparing an Alter boy, to the Catholic priest with the implied rape.
You have just skyrocketed yourself past the moon that has been Adam Holisky. I hope you enjoy your new rising douche baggery.
To all WoWinsider staff Leaders and other such runners of this website that hold some form of a management position. This is a formal complaint to remove Allison Robert from your paid staff and to please find someone more worthy of your blog who is more sensitive to the readers and upholds the News and traditions of this website.
No, I know that doesn’t seem so darn bad, but if you read the article comments you’ll see he continued in this style for many, many more comments, including the one where he provided his email address. This is just his first shot.
And now, I present to you the response that Sky_Paladin wrote, that has won my heart and earned my undying admiration;
You are an idiot. Go away, and never return.
Oh, you’re still here?
Allow me to reply to your festering cesspool of randomly strung together hate-mail that you have apparently copy pasted from different WoW forum nerd-rage spam troll-bots.
“Allison Robert has just officially started her campaign of Elitest faggotry, and wining Douchebag of the Year for 08″ *This is a formal complaint as read in the last paragraph to remove Allison robert from the staff of this Glorious Website*”
I don’t know what Allison has done to have earned such contempt. On the plus side, this is a good introduction for an essay, which seems to have been your goal here for today.
Now, for your first idiot statement:
“First rule of that qualifies you as Elitest, saying you’re better than someone else, because they play differently than you.”
No, Allison is saying “If you play in manner xyz then you are an idiot.” It is not about ‘different’ playing style. If you are in Karazhan, and you run around during flame wreath, you are an idiot. If you are in Gruul’s, and you run to give the Healer a hug during Gronn Lord’s Grasp, you are an idiot. If you are fighting Nightbane, and you remain standing in burning lava pits of doom, you are an idiot. If you stand in front of a boss while wearing cloth and are cleaved for 20,000, you are an idiot. It is not a question of elitist or bad, it is a question of “Do you have enough brainpower to follow simple guidelines, or is World of Warcraft the new frontier for the Darwin Awards?”.
Do not confuse “Was not aware of the mechanic” with “consistently refuses to learn.” An innocent mistake through misunderstanding or the wrong key pressed is easily forgiven. An idiot troll who keeps wiping the raid because they refuse to/are unable to listen is intolerable.
Idiot statement number two:
“Then the second is thinking that what ever you say holds truth and people accept it as gospel, because you are a paid staff member of a popular website that has a, for the most part, good reputation with it’s staff members.”
I am starting to see why you didn’t get the job here – a lot of comma’s in the wrong place, a few mispelled words – nothing super tragic, but bad enough that people need to re-read your sentences a few times to understand the context.
In no way did Allison say “This is the word of God. You will Obey. Disobedience will be Punished.” She just said, frankly, people who play Death Knights in her experience, are fundamentally unaware of certain liabilities their new role fulfills. This is Common Sense. Everybody knows that the vast majority of DPS are, in fact, brain-dead mouthbreathing keyboard turners. The greatest challenge for any guild is identifying the quality players from the keyboard face rollers, and politely shuffling them out of harms way. That is to say, in a place where they won’t harm others. The real reason Blizzard had to reduce raids down to 25 was due to the incredible difficulty in actually finding sufficiently large numbers of dps players who had survival tendencies slightly higher than lemmings.
See where I am going? The fact is, Allison can say whatever she damn well pleases and if it’s backed up by actual in-game mechanics (as it is here), then not only is she providing useful information to the players that need it, but she is providing a SERVICE to the players who will be affected by the players who read it. That’s a damn sight better than the pile of codswallop that you came out with just now. Maybe if you tried to lace your comments with a little humor and amusing hyperbole (as I am, of course, doing) then you could do your readers some service by granting them a small smile. Or, perhaps your hope is to anger them sufficiently that they start to have fantasies of you being hit by a bus. Yes! I see your ploy now. You want WoW Insider readers to smile in malicious glee, imagining you being hit by a large Greyhound bus (that is on fire!) and being punted in to the back of…oh, I don’t know, let’s say a cement mixer. Actually, that IS kind of funny. After your cement-coated remains are used to lay the foundation of a high-rise building, at least we can your existence finally provided some service, just not in the way you had intended. There’s a good pun involving support that could go here, but it slips my mind at the moment.
Idiot paragraph number three:
“With your last Blog post that was deemed extremely innapropriate in it’s format that it was a “QQBad Troll is Bad” post. You lashed out at the mage and hunter classes, linked something because you can and failed to provide any TRUE information what-so-ever, and even claimed false info.”
Blah blah blah blah I am sad because somebody criticised a class blah blah I shall kick a puppy to make myself feel better etc. Now we are getting to the crux of the issue. Maybe if you’d linked the original post we might get some context out of it, but given your random jump from point to point, somehow I doubt it.
Idiot random-key-bashings-between-Enter-presses group number four:
“For someone who is a paid staff member of WoWinsider, you should have considered your format and topic to be more appropriate.”
What? What? Are you saying that WoW Insider would post up articles that had not been looked over by the Editor for content, clarity and quality? I am shocked! Stunned! Flabbergasted! The very foundations of my Universe have come undone. Why, I shall strip down naked and run outside right now and proclaim the End Times have come. Just let me grab a permanent marker so I can write this travesty down on my bare flesh, “WoW Insider Has No Editor!”, and I’ll be right back.
Okay, sorry for the delay, I was gone for about an hour. In this time I managed to conduct a swift strawpoll.
Number of People who think Saiforune is an idiot = everybody.
Number of People who think Saiforune is just fine = a small child that I bribed with a lolly.
Number of People who fled in terror at my naked body = none, because I am a tremendously handsome, lean and well muscled Australian man. All the men want to be me, all the ladies want to be with me. I just thought I’d throw that in now to cut off your inevitable ‘zomg u must be a basement dwelling sun-fearing kid who has no knowledge of anything, and you play Arena 24/7, and your guild has Van Cleef on notice’ standard auto-attack troll response in advance.
Allow me to summarise this point: No.
Although a million monkeys at a million typewriters might not write a Shakespeare sonnet, they certainly could play a Warlock, or write something like this:
“Honestly, Comparing you to Adam Holisky is like comparing an Alter boy, to the Catholic priest with the implied rape.”
I think you are trying to make an analogy here, but I’m not really sure because you really mangled the grammar here. Comma placement, please! Maybe we should start requiring licenses before people are allowed on to the Internet. Anyway, I forgot my point, which is precisely what you did when you started writing.
Nowhere in your response have you refuted anything that Allison has had to say. It has just been whine whine, Allison is more socially advantaged than I am, boo-hoo, nobody likes me, gonna go eat some worms. I’d recommend night crawlers, they are high protien, low GI.
So precisely why should Allison be compared to Adam? Hmm? HMM? How does the simile of rape even BEGIN to compare? Are you implying some kind of sexual relationship between Allison and Adam? Well, their names DO both begin with A, so I can see how you might make such a connection – it is more realistic than any of the other hand-spasmings you’ve come out with so far. I mean, seriously. It’s like your not even capable of sensible thought. At least get your mother to proof read this stuff before you put it out on the ‘net. That paragraph was just plain embarassing to everybody.
“You have just skyrocketed yourself past the moon that has been Adam Holisky. I hope you enjoy your new rising douche baggery.”
Don’t worry, Saiforune. Whatever bright and shining star Allison might have become in the douchebag Heavens, she has truly been eclipsed by your spectacularly awful…I don’t know what to call it. I’d like to say ‘trolling’, but that implies some actual effort at harassing or harming the author. All you’ve done here is paint a big “Hi, I am incapable of rational thought or sensible comment” sign on your neck. Maybe you should strip down and write on yourself with the marker pens? Somehow I think a lot more people will run screaming from you…
“To all WoWinsider staff Leaders and other such runners of this website that hold some form of a management position. This is a formal complaint to remove Allison Robert from your paid staff and to please find someone more worthy of your blog who is more sensitive to the readers and upholds the News and traditions of this website.”
Let me guess who that ‘someone more worthy of your blog who is more sensitive to the readers’ would be? You are so transparent.
There is nothing lovely or sincere about you! Here’s your two cents back. I want change.
I hope that you enjoyed this lovely reply as much as I did. It brightened my morning, and cheered me up immensely.
I do so love having a personal blog, where I can spotlight, for all time, something that brings me so much amusement. It’s like a personal bookmark to a neat place on the web, with notes on why I bookmarked it in the first place.